Are boxed classroom Valentines convenient, lazy…or a non-issue?
The Minimalist Parenting take on classroom Valentines. Design: Christine Koh
Last week at Parent Hacks, I posted an adorable idea for homemade Valentines. At the end of the post, I added a reminder that homemade Valentines are wonderful…if you or your kid are into that sort of thing. If not, buying a box of valentines from the drugstore isn’t lazy. It’s simply a choice to spend your time and attention elsewhere.
Christine — who is not only a co-author, blogger, digital strategist, and runner, she’s also a graphic designer — turned my “Valentine’s Day sanity check” into a graphic which we shared on the Minimalist Parenting Facebook page. One of the central themes of Minimalist Parenting is doing less of the stuff that isn’t important to you, so there’s more room for stuff that is.
In less than a week, this message has gotten 55 likes and been shared 26 times. That’s a lot for a Facebook page as small as ours.
Point is, many people felt relieved and somewhat vindicated. More parents than ever are caught in a web of Pinterest-fueled guilt about taking what they see as “the easy road” when it comes to school Valentines (or any other number of parenting choices).
But something else happened. A couple folks responded with “what’s the big deal?” “Seriously? People feel bad about buying Valentines?” One woman suggested it could be “part of the competitiveness of younger parents” and then graciously bowed out of the conversation, noting with a wry :) that “clearly y’all not writing for my demographic.”
Isn’t it interesting that our reactions to something as innocuous as classroom valentines can change so much in a single generation?
When I was a kid, classroom Valentines were a strictly store-bought affair (my favorites were Scooby-Doo). I paid more attention to the messages written on the back than the Valentines themselves (particularly if a boy I liked wrote “love” instead of “from” when signing his name). There was little-to-no candy attached, and my mom barely paid attention to what I brought home from school.
Now, I go through my kids’ school Valentines with them when they come home. Sometimes we homemake Valentines (my daughters are both crafty and sentimental), other times we don’t, but I do love to see what other kids pass out to their friends.
There are still plenty of store-bought Valentines, almost every one has candy attached, and there are always a couple elaborate homemade versions (likely the result of parental involvement). I’d be lying if I said there weren’t a couple years when I felt like a loser for buying boxes of Star Wars valentines and calling it done.
That was a long time ago, and I know better now. I’ve internalized my own message and do my best to spend time on the things my kids and I care about. There are a million things I could do “better,” more thoroughly, or with more style. If I did it all, I’d go nuts.
As you go forth and spread the Valentine’s Day love, keep this sanity check in mind. If you and your kids take delight in making Valentines, have a ball! If you don’t…buy a box and don’t give it another moment’s thought.
Asha Dornfest is the co-author of Minimalist Parenting: Enjoy Modern Family Life More By Doing Less and publisher of Parent Hacks, a site crammed with tips for making family life easier.
I see the valentines with tattoos or candy and start to fret because my daughter can’t have those due to food allergies most of the time (many temporary tattoos contain soy ingredients, for example). The advent of pinterest inspired valentines has been a boon to families with food allergies because a toy ball or dinosaur or glow stick (we did lightsaber valentines last year!) is something everyone can enjoy.
That said, paper valentines will always be my favorite. I know this isn’t very minimalist but I have a box for both my kids and put every baby shower card, birthday card, valentine, etc. in their respective boxes and sometimes on a rainy day we get them out and look at all the designs and messages. We think of the people that thought of us. I was a bit of a valentine grinch before I had kids, it seemed so pink and red and commercial but they just love getting mail and practicing writing their name.
In this hyper aware age of parenting, I sometimes read an idea online and thing “wow, must be nice to have time to do that” but in admiration. And when I read about taking a step back and not worrying about the perfect idea, I think “good perspective to have.” So both can co-exist. :)
I’ve been super busy and haven’t been able to comment much but I always enjoy your blog here and at Parent Hacks, Asha. I hope you are having a wonderful new year.
Homa, I always appreciate your comments no matter HOW often they arrive! You are such a thoughtful writer and parent. Here’s my take on the “minimalist” part…I think that when something truly matters…it delights you, and makes you happy to open that box and see those cards…THAT’S important! That’s worth protecting! That’s not clutter or a waste. It’s all the crap that’s NOT important that tends to get in the way, you know?
Oops, typo alert above! Should read:
I sometimes read an idea online and think, “wow, must be nice to have time to do that” – but in admiration.
Thank you! And you’re right, there was actually a discussion on the minimalism subreddit a bit ago where people were back and forth about whether acquiring something was against minimalism. My thought is that it is about curating those decisions and really understanding why you did or didn’t need something. Not the goal of an empty room. Actually, all the clutter of childhood is nice because as they outgrow things you pass them on, it is my stuff that needs paring down! :)
Ooooooh, don’t get me started on that As soon as people start with the dogma my ears close up. Topic of another post. In the meantime, look what my coauthor Christine has to say on the topic (with yet another one of her beautully-designed quote graphics): http://www.minimalistparenting.com/2013/01/29/on-acquisition-of-stuff/
So store bought valentines, which have been de rigeur for decades, are now considered “slacking” in some circles? I imagine it’s solely in circles that have a lot of excess time and money both to research the crafts as well as execute them. In other words, more affluent circles, which also tend to be more competitive… and which tend to be covered in parenting and lifestyle magazines and websites. Just as most people HONESTLY don’t need to worry about setting up 401ks for their live-in trilingual au pairs, most parents and kids aren’t sitting around hand-crafting custom valentines. Thanks for the reality check, as always.
You know, Brigid…this whole episode has reminded me how people’s insecurities can get activated by the smallest (some might say silliest) things. Part of the problem can be chalked up to the FB/Pinterest complex, in which it seems like “everyone” is busy cooking great meals, having great times, and doing great things. We’ve all got our weak spots, and for some moms, it’s the feeling that they somehow aren’t doing enough.
And, yes, class plays into it too. But even if this is a “problem” for relatively few, it’s still painful.
PS…thanks for all the great comments you’ve left on my posts. Always appreciate them. A good conversation in the comment section is too rare these days.
I am one of “those” Moms that make things for my kids classmates. My kids choose what they want me to make, keep me company and when they are older they can make them. I also bake them treats. I work full time and honestly the time that it takes for me to craft something is relaxing for me.
I love looking through the store bought cards with my kids. We all love the themed cards, and for the most part they reflect the child who gave them out. Time was taken to make the purchase and time was also taken for those kids to write their names on the cards – very personal.
Hi Lisa! I hope my point didn’t come off like a put-down of “those” moms (if indeed “those” moms even exist outside the stereotypes). My intention is to celebrate the crafters who are spending time doing what they love and also to remind those who aren’t crafters that it’s fine to prioritize other things.
Your comment reminded me of the crafty stuff my mom used to do when I was little. She LOVED doing it, and my memories of those projects were of her delight. I barely remember what we made. (I DO remember the paper mache piggy bank, though.)
It’s funny you mention this. Every year I keep meaning to write about the year I made my son’s preschool class little beanbags for Valentine’s Day.
Our son wasn’t a big eater, so we didn’t encourage candy- and we gave up chocolate over a decade ago.I tried to think of something from my own childhood that was a lot of fun and more handcrafted.
I designed and sewed little ladybug and turtle beanbags and Ranger helped me stamp some little hearts on them in paint. I was sure we had a winner.
After preschool while the kids played on the playground, they were all abuzz- about these little stuffed puppies with light-up noses that (I kid not) said “I wuv you” when pressed. As if that wasn’t enough, they were attached to gigantic heart-shaped lollipops- so that mom pretty much ruled both the toy and the candy categories.
I was disappointed, and I realized two important things:
1. Some school events are an arms race, and 2. I don’t care enough to really invest what it takes (in time or money) to win.
My goal now is to choose something that makes my child happy. We made super-easy space Valentines last year that used a hi-bouncer ball as a planet. They were simple enough that my son made most of them (he didn’t get bored or frustrated), and he was really happy to pass out something he had made.
Maybe this year we’ll design something printable centered around one of his favorite jokes or characters. I’m not too worried about it as he’s pretty easy to please.
I was totally confused when I read the title of this post – classroom Valentines? Does that mean you give something to every child in your child’s class? In the UK, you give a Valentine to the boy or girl you have a crush on & that’s it!
Unless its changed since I was at school. *counts* Uh, yeah…that’s a lot of time for change!
Sophie: indeed, it’s an American classroom tradition!