The cast of Twilight welcomes a special guest this week to get caught up on Downton Abbey. (The first episode recap can be found here.)
Edward: We’re really excited to have Robert Downey, Jr. here with us to talk about Downton Abbey this week. Thanks for being here, Robert.
Edward: That’s very kind. That means a lot, coming from you. So how are you liking Downton Abbey?
RDJ: I love British accents. I love listening to them, I love doing them. Do you know, Jude Law told me that my British accent for Sherlock Holmes was the best he’d ever heard from an American.
Alice: Excuse me. Hi, Mr. Downey, Jr., I’m Alice.
RDJ: Of course you are.
Alice: Hi, um, can I ask you something? Because I just realized that Downey and Downton are almost the same word.
RDJ: That’s an incredible observation.
Alice: I know! So I was just wondering if maybe you had British ancestry.
RDJ: That is such a good question, Alice.
Edward: It’s an okay question.
Alice: Shut up!
RDJ: I’m actually Scottish, Irish, Russian, and German. My name’s not even Downey, really. My dad changed his name to get into the Army when he was underage. My real name’s Robert Elias.
Alice: No way! Elias would be such a great name for a Twilight character.
RDJ: I totally wanted to audition be one of the Volturi but when I heard the Frost/Nixon guy was up for the role I bailed. He owned it.
Edward: If you don’t mind, I’m going to shift the discussion back over to Downton Abbey. How are we all feeling about cousin Matthew right now?
RDJ: Totally bummed. But you know what? Lemons, lemonade. You know I’m right.
Edward: Well, that’s certainly taking the long view.
Bella: If I could just jump in here . . .
RDJ: Yes, I was wondering when we were going to hear from you! Bella, right? Bella, have you ever seen an amputation?
Bella: No, but —
RDJ: You want to cut above the joint or below the joint, but not at the joint.
Bella: But he didn’t have an amputation, he had a spinal injury left him paralyzed for good.
RDJ: . . . Or has it?
Edward: You think he’ll walk again?
RDJ: I think we’re deep in soap opera territory, is what I think. Deathbed weddings? Come on.
Alice: That was the most beautiful deathbed wedding ever.
RDJ: Oh, I agree, totally. But the only thing that saved it from going completely over the top — and believe me, I’ve been over the top, pitched a tent, and dug a latrine up there, so I know what I’m talking about — the thing that saved that whole story arc was that poor housemaid. Daisy.
Alice: Daisy, oh my God.
RDJ: Her being pushed by the cook into marrying this guy William before he goes to war, even though she knew it was a lie and couldn’t bear to deceive him? But then, when she realized he was truly going to die, and his love for her wasn’t going to bring about a miraculous recovery, she was into it. It was safe to lie. Did he know it was a lie?
Alice: He thought Daisy loved him. I saw nothing in that scene that showed me he was letting her off the hook or acknowledging some wartime sacrifice on her part. He needed to love her; she let him have the charade so that he’d die happy. Imagine if he had recovered! What would she have done, would she have just gone along with it and married him?
Bella: No, they practically had to shove her to his bedside. If he suddenly started getting better through the power of love, she would have totally crumbled and run away. But when she knew she wasn’t going to have to give him anything other than another hour of her time, there was no point in telling him what she was really feeling.
Bella: It is, it’s totally heartbreaking. Alice, have you ever done that? Make a guy think you’re into him out of pity?
Alice: I’ve made a guy think I was into him before I sucked every last bit of lifeblood from his withered veins, does that count?
Bella: So, yes.
RDJ: Fascinating. The predator’s mind.
Alice: I am fascinating.
RDJ: And I am married.
Edward: Wait, where’s Jacob?
Bella: He said the show was getting a little, um, gay for him.
Edward: What?! Seriously? What an asshole.
Bella: Well, he’s trying to deal with these rumors about him being gay and I think it’s freaking him out a little.
RDJ: I’d do him.
Jacob: Hey, guys, sorry I’m late. I was at the gym.
Jacob: So where are we?
Bella: William and Daisy’s deathbed wedding.
Jacob: I cried, seriously. Did everybody cry?
RDJ: I didn’t cry, but I’m only half-gay.
Jacob: I don’t get it. Are you gay? Because I have some questions for you.
RDJ: I’m not gay, but I’m sure I can direct you to the appropriate pamphlet in the school nurse’s office.
Edward: The last thing I want everyone to weigh in on is Bates the butler’s wife, Vera, getting thwarted temporarily by Lady Mary’s fiancé, Sir Richard the newspaper magnate. Sir Richard paid off Vera so she won’t ruin the Granthams, but he’s killing the story and she’s furious. Is she going to get her revenge on Bates and the Grantham family in some other way?
Bella: Bates! Did Bates and Anna get secretly married? When he said something like, “We should have had a church wedding,” was he — what was that??
Alice: I love the way Anna says Bates. It’s like, Beeyates. Her accent is to die for. So pretty.
RDJ: It’s a Yorkshire accent. Hard to master unless you’ve grown up around it.
Edward: Can we stay on topic? Vera. Are we afraid?
RDJ: She’s going to do something really awful, bet on it.
Edward: Like — ?
RDJ: I wouldn’t put anything past her, though I don’t think she can be driven to suicide, unfortunately. Not like that maid who got knocked up. She, I could see turning up in the river.
Bella: That’s awful. She has a baby!
RDJ: A baby who could get adopted by the Granthams, perhaps? Or by Matthew and Mary because they’re totally going to get together but they can’t have any babies and if they have an heir, everyone’s problems are solved?
RDJ: I make movies for a living, you know. You’re welcome.
Bella: My only prediction is that Lady Edith is going to turn into the Dowager Countess in 40 years.
RDJ: Good one! Can I come back next week? This is fun.