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The Danger of FaceTiming Your Cats

You guys FaceTime with your pets right?

No? Just Skype?

I ask (obviously) because due to being temporarily displaced (we are remodeling our house) my children have been separated from our cats for about three weeks. They wanted to check on and talk to the cats and so FaceTime seemed like the obvious answer.

Since I am going to BlogHer in New York this week my kids are staying with my parents. I was visiting the cats at my in-laws house and Klaus was curled up in my lap and so it seemed like the perfect time to set up a call.

I held the phone in the cat’s face and initiated a FaceTime call with my mom’s cell phone. When she answered she shrieked. I guess she was expecting to see me and was surprised my my furry grey companion, but she recovered quickly and called the kids over to talk to the kitty.

It was awesome for about 10 seconds. I forgot that one of the biggest problems with cats is that they don’t give a shit what you want them to do and Klaus walked away and laid down under the table. So I showed them the other cat. Sid put on a show by sniffing the phone and then walking away. He also went under the table.

So I put the phone flush to the floor so they could see both cats.

My daughter said “I CAN SEE HIS PRIVATES!” and if that weren’t charming enough my son said “Oh! Real mature Claudia.” to his sister.

Then I said “Okay! That is clearly enough FaceTiming with the cats!”

And it totally was.

More than enough time video chatting with the pets.

The moral of this story is don’t video chat with your pets, or maybe just don’t FaceTime them from ground level, or possibly try to raise children who behave in a more appropriate fashion, you know, ones who don’t talk about cat privates in front of their grandparents. Or maybe it is just a warning about the dangers of modern technology. To be honest, I am not sure what the moral of this story is, but there you have it.

Listen, I never promised you a proper ending.

Fine. The children and the cat and his privates lived happily ever after.

That was gross. I apologize.

How about this? Video chatting with your pets is lovely. Just keep your eyes up here, mister.

The End

 

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Read more from me on Sarah and the Goon Squad and Draft Day Suit
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More of me on That’s Right. You Heard Me:


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