My kids are all comedians. I mean, they don’t get paid to stand-up and tell jokes at night clubs. But they sure think they’re funny. I have no idea where they get it. It’s clearly not from me, as I’m the model of solemn decorum. I know there’s a time and a place for joking around, and it isn’t while texting each other. Texting is used for transmitting important and timely information between people. It certainly should not be used to joke with your parents that your house is full of sharks. Yet these are the kinds of texts my kids send.
Don’t Text That Your Sister is Dead 1 of 12
It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, and confident in my son's ability to care for his little sister when he texts me stuff like this.
Don’t Text About Chickens 2 of 12
Texts with chicken jokes usually fall flat. Texts about a lack of chicken jokes, however, my kids find amusing.
Don’t Text Nonsense 3 of 12
Texts like these make me want to administer drug tests to my kids.
Do Make Random References to The Office Whenever Possible 4 of 12
My only excuse is that I was walking in thousand degree heat for a really long, long, loooooooong time.
Don’t Text That You’re Dead 5 of 12
Although I guess if you die after you've made a delicious dinner, it's not that bad.
Do Mess With Your Kids Whenever Possible 6 of 12
Yeah, um, well ... this time my excuse is like I said — I hadn't had any wine or chocolate.
Don’t Text About Sharknado 7 of 12
It's great getting texts that your kid stepped on a shark. When he's not at the beach.
Once Again, Don’t Text That Your Siblings are Dead 8 of 12
Yep, it gives me great confidence in my older children when they nonchalantly mention their siblings have passed away on their watch.
Stop Texting About Death! 9 of 12
Maybe I should just stop asking how the little kids are when the older ones are babysitting.
Do Mess With Your Kids Every Chance You Get 10 of 12
Sometimes I just feel the need to mess with the kids. Try it sometime. It's fun. They especially love when I do this.
Do Use Texting to Make Plans 11 of 12
When you can't take off work to drive your kid to the doctor, make sure you arrange alternate transportation.
Do Use Texting to Obtain Necessities 12 of 12
If you have brothers who don't know how to replace the empty toilet paper roll, it's usually a good idea to bring your phone with you in the bathroom. You know, just in case.
Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books here: Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth).
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