While getting ready to move, I’ve been ruthless in my decluttering efforts. I’ve tossed garbage, set aside outgrown clothes and other items for a garage sale, and boxed up those things we want to keep, but don’t need for the next few months. I stacked the boxes and several pieces of superfluous furniture in the garage. No problem, right? All neat and organized, boxed up, and out of the way, just ready for moving day. Except for the fact that I have six children who like to destroy things.
Yesterday it was 80-something here and the kids played outside all day. At one point, I took a break from packing, plopped my butt down in a lawn chair, and watched my kids come up with stupid ideas that were sure to end in broken bones games to play with each other. They played games like Let’s Break These Thick Foam Insulation Boards With Our Heads Until We Pass Out, and Dunk The Baby In The Basketball Hoop, and Hey, Lightbulbs Make A Cool Sound When You Whip Them On The Ground. At some point during my ulcer-inducing nice, relaxing break, I noticed that the rows of neatly stacked boxes in my garage had been scattered about all over the place. There was water on the floor of the garage. Items had been taken out of boxes and were haphazardly thrown here and there. After my head exploded, I decided to order a pod so I could lock my kids in it. Did I say that out loud? I meant, so I could safely store my belongings while I’m showing my house.
So the guy who came to drop off the pod looked like Chris Rock. That actually has nothing to do with my story. But it did make me think of a zebra saying, “cracka-lackin” every time I looked at him. Anyway, I asked him if he could put the pod on my driveway alongside my house. He looked at it, made a face as if he was weighing whether or not that was possible, and finally said he’d give it a try.
So, he backed up the truck and stopped on my driveway exactly where I wanted the pod dropped off. He hopped down from the truck to take a look at the placement. I clapped and said, “Yay, you did it!”
He furrowed his brow, looked at me, and said, “I wasn’t worried about backing up, but I need a lot more room on either side of the truck to unload the pod.”
I felt like an idiot. I laughed nervously and said, “Ohhhh. Heh heh, it takes me twenty minutes to back my van into a parking space, so I was impressed with the whole backing the truck up the long driveway thing.” Then I stepped back out of the way and shut my mouth.
The driver pushed a button and lo and behold, his truck was a transformer! It turned into a giant mechanical spider-like thing.
The giant spider carefully lifted the pod off the truck, gently placed it on my driveway, then took a walk around the neighborhood, crushing cars and pedestrians in its path. Okay, that last part was a lie. It turned into a helicopter and flew off. It was very cool.
Now I have to load up the pod and make sure all the loud, obnoxious toys accidently fall out during the move. It’s not as easy as it sounds.