Categories

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly; How A Marriage Works

I came across something interesting the other day. Actress Nia Long, in talking about marriage, said she wasn’t rushing into matrimony in part because she’d never seen marriage work . It’s not hard to understand that sentiment; rarely do we see examples of what real marriage looks like complete with the real love, the real heartache, the real strife. There are plenty of examples of the real joy; you know what I’m talking about, right after the rings are slipped on and clothes slip off, followed by smokin’ sex and nary an argument in sight. Right. Then the cameras stop rolling, the lights die down and the real work begins.

And therein lies the problem. The above scenario is, oh what do they call that? Make believe, that’s it! I’ve been married 181/2 years and God willing, my husband, Buff and I make it to 19. But there are some things I have learned along the way.

What have you learned about making a marriage work? Share with the rest of the class!

nggallery template=’carousel’ id=’4′

  • Happily ever after is hard. 1 of 18
    Happily ever after is hard.
    Yes it's what we want. It's what we strive for. Achieving it is really hard.
  • Children will test a marriage 2 of 18
    Children will test a marriage
    That's my husband, Buff with our daughter, Casey. Years ago, interviewed someone who said something to the effect that children will tear a marriage apart at the seams. He was right, if you let them.
  • Children will test a marriage 3 of 18
    Children will test a marriage
    Here's Buff with our son, Cole, getting his first haircut. Years ago I interviewed someone who said something to the effect that children will tear a marriage apart at the seams. He was right, if you let them.
  • Sticking it out when times are good? That’s easy 4 of 18
    Sticking it out when times are good? That's easy
    But finding someone who'll be by your side when the health chips are down ..
  • Sticking it out when times are good? That’s easy.. 5 of 18
    Sticking it out when times are good? That's easy..
    and when the job dries up and goes away .. well, that's priceless.
  • I married my father 6 of 18
    I married my father
    Not exactly, but Buff has the same, no nonsense attitude that Bill Syler had. Minus the Afro they sort of look the same too. That's me, upper right.
  • Love will NOT conquer all 7 of 18
    Love will NOT conquer all
    You will also need patience, understanding, a working knowledge of how to fight fair and a healthy dose of forgiveness. And throw in some earplugs too. You'd better hope like hell your partner uses those with you as well.
  • Speaking of fighting fair… 8 of 18
    Speaking of fighting fair...
    You must look at what's at stake. You simply cannot put the relationship on the line with each and every squabble.
  • Throwing in the towel is not an option 9 of 18
    Throwing in the towel is not an option
    We have built a life together, one that includes, kids and finances. The kids are obviously the main reason we work hard at our marriage but the dirty little secret is that money also keeps us (and I suspect a lot of couples) together.
  • You know you love someone when… 10 of 18
    You know you love someone when...
    They work hard and root for your success. Remember when I said I had a studio in my house? This is Buff doing part of the construction. By the way, that success-rooting thing? It's a two-way street so do your part.
  • You can love someone… 11 of 18
    You can love someone...
    But not always like them. Yeah I went there. Luckily I don't feel like this often and pray my husband doesn't either (I wasn't real happy that he was rushing through a nice meal to play golf).
  • Laughter is critical! 12 of 18
    Laughter is critical!
    Our marriage would have splintered like a hundred-year-old barn in an F-5 tornado had it not been for our ability to laugh.
  • Compromise is key 13 of 18
    Compromise is key
    Everyone knows that, not everyone does it. Marriage is give and take; I learned how to play golf for Buff and he pretends to listen when I talk pop culture.
  • Sometimes you’re close, sometimes you’re very far apart 14 of 18
    Sometimes you're close, sometimes you're very far apart
    This last year of our marriage was the one I thought would do us in...
  • Sometimes you’re close, sometimes you’re very far apart 15 of 18
    Sometimes you're close, sometimes you're very far apart
    There is not a thing wrong with alone time. I started to wonder if a couple years might to do the trick.
  • Then you catch a glimpse.. 16 of 18
    Then you catch a glimpse..
    And your heart swells and you remember why you fell in love.
  • We made a promise 17 of 18
    We made a promise
    Yep, and we are both people of our word. And stubborn. We owe it to ourselves and to our kids to keep trying.
  • We’re still standing… 18 of 18
    We're still standing...
    No restful vacations and picket fences here; this has been one hell of a struggle. But we're here and we're doing our level best to be here next year. One step at a time, one day at a time. That's what makes a marriage work.

 

Yo! Nice to meet you! You can find out more about me on my blog, Good Enough Mother.

Check me out on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest too.

Other posts by Rene:

10 Lessons I Learned From Being Fired And What You Can Learn Too

The Slippery, Sugary Slope

Plastic Surgery… Can We Talk?

See, Hair’s The Thing

FacebookTwitterGoogle+TumblrPinterest
Tagged as:

Use a Facebook account to add a comment, subject to Facebook's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Your Facebook name, profile photo and other personal information you make public on Facebook (e.g., school, work, current city, age) will appear with your comment. Learn More.

FacebookTwitterGoogle+TumblrPinterest