The Mom WhoShauna Glenn
We pulled up next to the curb outside school and I put the car in park. My 10-year old suddenly screamed and then pointed out the window. That’s when I noticed most (if not all) the kids were dressed in western clothes, from cowboy hats on their heads to pointy boots on their feet. My kids were wearing their uniforms and not dressed up as cowboys.
Brittany: Ugh, Catholic Schools week. I was up until 2am last night making two “community heros” costumes only to wake up to school being canceled due to ice. Needless to say, I spent the day celebrating Catholicism in my pajamas, drinking.
Shauna: Exactly, it was only then that I remembered something I was supposed to do the day before. Open House. The deal was this: you show up to Open House on Sunday, you get a free pass to wear your western clothes on Monday.
I totally forgot to go to Open House.
The worst part is, that’s just what I messed up on THIS week. Sadly, it happens a lot.
I’m not generally one of those moms who:
…volunteers to do anything; mostly because I don’t have to. There are oodles of eager (younger) moms who would tackle me football-style to get to the sign-up sheet first. I just move out of their way.
…remembers to bring anything the school is collecting any given week. If I were smart I would just go to the dollar store and load up on (fill in the blank) and drop it off in the office. But I can’t do that because I’m usually not wearing shoes or a bra when I do the whole drop-off/pick-up routine.
…gets to know the other moms in the classroom so we can meet for coffee on Tuesday mornings. Having coffee with people I don’t know would require me to get to know people I don’t already know and I pretty much know all the people I want to know. Know what I mean? Plus, I find most people are uncomfortable having coffee with someone who’s not wearing a bra in public. Or shoes.
Brittany: This is why we’re friends. I am also not a mom who:
…asks people to buy things. Honestly, I don’t buy enough Boy Scout popcorn to justify me bugging all my friends to buy overpriced wrapping paper and frozen cookie dough every other month. Can’t I just, like, hand you money or pray for the poor or something?
…realizes it’s her snack day. I have three kids in grades pre-school, kindergarten and 1st grade respectively. I promise you I feed them enough at home to make it through a school day without snack, but since you insist, as a precautionary measure I’ve started storing large wholesale boxes of goldfish crackers in my trunk. They don’t ever go bad. Probably.
…signs up for things on time. Sports, extra-curriculars, school trips. I realize you put all this crap in the newsletter, but is there any way you could follow me on Facebook and spam me with reminders a few days before I miss the cut off and my kids are the only ones not playing we don’t really keep score soccer?
…makes sure her kids don’t look like hobos on picture day. Again, I realize this was probably in the newsletter, but if you could just send out a mass text or something? It’s super hard to give your kids a modified whore’s bath in the school bathroom, especially when you don’t have a brush or baby wipes in your purse.
Shauna: Our kids are lucky to have us.
Brittany: You took the words right out of my mouth.