Let’s get serious, life is tough. Life is messy and complicated and full of disappointments, and frankly, sometimes kids are a pain in the neck. All of which is to say I had an epiphany last week while at an all-girls (women) photography retreat in North Carolina: my life could seriously rock with some sister wives. No, really.
Before I get into my logic for wanting to invite a handful of women into my life and home, I’ll fully admit if any one of these theoretical wives ever tried to lay a hand on my husband, I’d happily cut her. Ditto for the children. And I’ve never met a truly fulfilled, happily “wed” polygamist sister wife, (yes, I’ve met a few). They’re usually brainwashed train-wrecks in ankle length skirts and crazy high-to-heaven bangs. Not a pretty lifestyle.
BUT. I want to forget about all that for a minute and list the ways life would rule with more wives around the house.
7 ways my life would improve with some sister wives
- Laundry – This one’s easy. At the photography retreat in North Carolina last week we filled two beach houses with 30+ women. One of my friends, Lindsey, one of the women helping host the retreat, came by my room every couple of days to check on my laundry situation. She took my laundry, washed and dried it, and returned it to my room fresh and folded, ready to be put away. I’m not the only one who benefited from Lindsey the laundry fairy. Come on.
- Dishes – I’ve not been known in my life for loving dishes, but I didn’t mind loading a dishwasher every night and unloading clean dishes in the morning. Lindsey was better with laundry, I was cool to do dishes. Everyone wins.
- Ironing – I own an ironing board. I maybe pull said board out once a year, probably for family photos. I had a friend growing up whose mother did laundry every Monday and ironing all day Tuesday. Her house looked like a dry cleaner’s every Tuesday afternoon, the smell of clean clothes and laundry starch permeating the air. Ironing? Not my thing. Someone else’s thing? Sign me up.
- Meals – Meals are one of my biggest stressors in life. I don’t like meal planning or cooking meals, or cleaning up after them (disregard #2 above). Having someone else in charge of food would ease up 3/4 of my brain space to actually parent and work more effectively.
- Homework – Does anyone love doing homework with their kids? Do you? You should get a gold star if you just said yes. Sitting down at the end of a long day (for all of us) to grind through homework my kids hate doing is my least favorite way to end the day. If I had endless budget I’d happily hire someone to fight with my kids about their cursive skills while I sit at the same table cracking out my own work. I might even throw a thumbs up or two at my kiddos as long as I’m not responsible for the hard stuff.
- Cleaning – I don’t even need to expound on this one.
- Errands – Can you imagine your life with zero errands to run? Ever? My brain can’t even wrap itself around the idea of how much I could accomplish without errands. No library books to return? No daily swim team practice carpool? What does one do with extra hours in the day? Clean? Work? IRON? I really have no idea.
So let’s say in a perfect world, without the misogyny and alleged rampant abuse in polygamist colonies, you could have sister wives. We could all get so much done! All of the things!
(the bottom photo is a photo of 3 of my 4 actual sisters – photo credit portrait photographer Justin Hackworth)