A 9th Grade Mall Shopper Explains It All To Me

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E peruses the shoe selection once he’d hustled me past the noisy, smelly stores to the one we’d gone to find in the first place.

Earlier tonight, E and I had to go to West Town Mall to try to find him some new shoes, since his feet are growing like Jack’s beanstalk. I really, really hate going to the mall, and I do as much of my shopping for the kids as I can online, but let’s face it, it’s hard to find and fit new running shoes for a fast-growing guy without going to an actual shoe store. And in this case, the shoe store with the best selection of potential new shoe options happens to be located inside the mall. So there was just no avoiding it.

Because I don’t go to the mall all that often, and I don’t think I’ve been to the mall with E since he started high school this year, I guess I had lost touch with how he rolls, mall-style. I think I was still remembering how things were explained to me on a previous mall excursion, way back in middle school. But tonight I got schooled in The New Mall Rules as he navigated our way thru the mall, toward our ultimate destination: Foot Locker.

This was our conversation as we walked together:

ME: “Let’s go in Abercrombie. Look! They have khakis on sale. You know you need a new pair of pants.”

E: “No thanks Mom. Just keep walking, please.”

ME: “Hey, look honey! They have cute polo shirts in the window at Hollister. Don’t you want to go in and see whether they have that lime-colored one in your size?!”

E (Gently but firmly taking my arm and steering me away from the store entrance): “Mom, let me make this easy for you. Please do not ever buy me anything or suggest that we go into any store at any mall where the music they’re playing can be heard outside the store itself. Also, if you can smell the store as you walk by, do not enter. Those are the mall rules; no stores you can hear or smell. Okay? If you just follow those guidelines, you can’t go wrong.”

Well, alrighty then! These are guidelines I can follow: clear and unequivocal. And given that I have now been directed to please cross all smelly, loud stores off my shopping list when buying clothes for E, going forward, I have even fewer reasons to ever enter the mall. And I am so good with that.




Article Posted 3 years Ago
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