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Cecily Kellogg is madly in love with the internet, technology, and social media. She writes here at Babble about the intersection of family, technology, and social media and runs her own web content and social media consulting business, Double Good Media. She is also known for her raw tone and humor on various social media platforms including her own blog, Uppercase Woman. Kellogg lives in the Philadelphia area, is happily married and is mom to a fierce and amazing daughter, and yes, she’s a full grown adult who loves her pink hair.

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Dear Rep. Joe Walsh: I DO EXIST

By cecilyk |

Because of you, today I told my story again. Because once again someone in elected office is saying, without a moment of hesitation or doubt, that I do not exist.

That women like me – women forced to terminate a wanted pregnancy to save our lives – don’t exist.

Please listen carefully: YOU ARE WRONG.

I still remember October 26th, 2004 like it happened today. I was not quite six months pregnant with my sons, Nicholas and Zachary –

Remember their names. Nicholas and Zachary.

– when I was told the news.

One son had already died, and I needed to be admitted to the hospital.

I didn’t know how sick I was. Well, I knew I was sick; I was constantly vomiting, I had massive amounts of excessive fluid yet I couldn’t seem to pee more than a trickle at a time – but I thought it was just the twin pregnancy.

It wasn’t.

That night my preeclampsia – that’s the disease I had, it turns out – dramatically worsened causing my blood pressure to rise out of control and my kidneys and liver to shut down. I was in immense, blinding pain. I was vomiting non-stop.

My doctors tried their best, at my insistence. They’d wanted to have me go into labor right away, but I begged them – you see, I wanted my surviving son desperately, and he was too small and sick to be born so early – to try treatment first. No one knew that I wouldn’t respond to treatment. No one knew how much worse I would get that night.

And I could not have expected to find myself at dawn surrounded by an army of doctors, telling me and my husband,  gravely, that I was dying.

I sobbed. I begged. I pleaded with them to give it more time, even as I threw up while I talked to them.

They said this, exactly: either we would both die, or my son would die and I might live.

Within moments I was in surgery.

Within an hour I was no longer pregnant.

And now, nearly eight years to the day, I am sitting and weeping as I type this because I miss my boys so. damned. much. Every single day I miss them. It is a grief like no other.

You aren’t the first wildly misinformed idiot to make a statement like this. It’s much easier, of course, to believe that I don’t exist. That lives like mine need saving.

It must be immensely comforting to believe that.

Trust me when I say this: I wish desperately you were right. That today my bright and shining boys were here with me, seven and a half years old, wrecking my house and torturing the dog on a daily basis.

Nicholas and Zachary. Remember their names.

I’m tired of trotting out my story and telling it again and again to prove people like you wrong. I’m tired of relieving that day, of smelling the hospital smells again, of feeling the needle slide into my spine to numb me while tears streamed down my face, and of waking up in recovery with a broken heart and an empty womb.

But because of you, I’m saying it again:

I EXIST. MY STORY IS REAL. IT SUCKED. IT HURTS STILL TODAY.

Also, just for the record:

Fuck you, Representative Walsh. Fuck you for diminishing me. Fuck you for making me cry today. Fuck you for not taking twenty minutes to find out the truth before you opened your mouth in your debate. Fuck you for minimizing the pain women like me feel every single day.

We exist, Representative Walsh. WE EXIST.

______________________________________

More Uppercase Lowdown…

Cooking Just For Me

The Problem with Pink

Doctor Who Helped Me Embrace My Inner Geek

writes here and  MomCrunch,  as well as at her own blog, Uppercase Woman. She is an utter social media geek.

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About cecilyk

cecilyk

cecilyk

Cecily Kellogg writes all over the web, including here at Babble for Voices and Tech. She neglects her own blog, Uppercase Woman. Read bio and latest posts → Read Cecily's latest posts →

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19 thoughts on “Dear Rep. Joe Walsh: I DO EXIST

  1. Dawn @ Finding the Happy says:

    I’m sorry :(

  2. Megan says:

    I’m so sorry hon. So very sorry.

    God, I hope he doesn’t win. What an idiot.

  3. Patti Koeslag says:

    My deepest sympathy in your loss of your sons and in your pain as you continue to relive it so often to educate and inform the ignorant…. You give new meaning to the saying that “It is not what lives hands us to deal with – but what we do with it.” You share your sorrow, reliving it time and again, to inform, the remove the blinders and prejudice, often of good intentioned people who just are not informed…blessings on your journey.

  4. Sandy Macnamara says:

    We have never met. I have never heard your story, but my heart breaks for all you have been through. To relive it would be a nightmare. I could never imagine enduring the loss, the heart break, the emptiness, you obviously suffered and still do. I hope you’ve sent a copy of your post to Representative Walsh. Hugs and much love. Sandy

  5. Lisa @ Crazy Adventures in Parenting says:

    Love you, sweet pea :(

  6. Melissa Olivero says:

    Cecily… you are amazing. Thank you so much for being so brave to put yourself through reliving this over again. Holding you in my heart….

  7. jana says:

    Damn, I love you. Your boys are proud of you for using your voice, your loud and rightfully angry voice, for good.

  8. Jenette says:

    You are brave. Thank you.

  9. Liz @ The Six Year Itch says:

    This sucks on such a deep level that you have to share your heartache and tragedy because people are so damn stupid. This guy will never be pregnant. Ever. He will never know the thin line between life and death when faced with a decision no one ever wants or imagines they will have to make. This is hard to tell your story. If you didn’t, if others didn’t, he could continue to spew just like Ron Paul that he has never had to see a woman face death because she was pregnant. Make no mistake, his comments and platform are about power.

  10. [...] that I have to give this week’s You Go Girl award to  Cecily Kellogg for sharing her painful story and standing up for all the women that Rep. Dick Head tried to make [...]

  11. Whitney Hoffman says:

    I don’t know what to say other than you are remarkable, brave, and honest, and i feel so lucky to know you. You make me a better person every day.

  12. Suzanne says:

    I saw that idiot’s comment on my news feed today and I immediately thought of your story. You’d think someone in elected office would “think” to actually consult a medical doctor before saying something so absurd and patently untrue. Why are there not more doctors refuting this ridiculous statement?! It makes me furious that you have to live through this horrible experience once again.

  13. LaShaun Martin - Shootie Girl says:

    Whew, heavy! Holding back tears as I read. God bless you and your little angels in heaven.

  14. Mrs. Spit. says:

    We are just so inconvenient to jerks like him, aren’t we?

  15. NYC Single Mom says:

    Cecily K, I adore you. I know it must be hard to tell your story and relive it again. I never knew the story which makes me adore you more for having the guts to stand up to that douche!

  16. [...] And last, but certainly not least, my heart shattered into a million pieces when I read Cecily Kellogg’s story. [...]

  17. jenn carney says:

    Two to three women die in childbirth in the US every day. Many more come close. Thank you for sharing your story. It’s not as uncommon as any of us would wish it to be. My son was born at 32 weeks because of eclampsia and HELLP syndrome. We were lucky that it happened as late into the pregnancy as it did – which is the only reason he survived. Rep Walsh’s attempt to marginalize and discount your experience and those of a great number of women like us is appalling. I am glad you survived. I am so sorry that your sons did not.

  18. Manapan says:

    Statements like Rep Walsh’s sicken me. I’ve been reading you off and on since 2004 and I always think of you, Nicholas, and Zachary when someone makes that claim. But now I think of myself too. I had preeclampsia and gestational diabetes and was in the early stages of heart, liver, and kidney failure when I delivered my son in 2011. We were very lucky to make it to 37 weeks, so he didn’t need to spend much time in the NICU at all. But I still have lasting damage.

    My local OB is very, very Catholic (crucifixes on the wall and his neck, and tries to talk people out of first trimester screenings because, in his words, he doesn’t want any “innocents losing their lives because of test results”). Despite his personal beliefs, he told me at my postpartum appointment that if I ever come back to his office pregnant, he will not hesitate to refer me out for termination. He truly believes that there is no way I could even carry to viability given the complications I had and their likelihood to recur, and he’d rather see one life lost than two.

    I am terrified that people like Rep Walsh are going to come into power and take away our NEED and our RIGHT to choose. If my two methods of birth control on top of my underlying infertility fail, and I find myself pregnant again, will I be able to find a doctor who will do the procedure for me? (Unlikely — I live in South Dakota.) Will I end up bleeding out in my basement after a DIY attempt at a termination goes wrong? Will my son lose his mother just because some person decided we didn’t exist?

  19. [...] I was going to write a post about Rep. Joe Walsh’s ignorant comments about abortion but then I read what Cecily had to say about it, so I’m just sending you to her. [...]

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