The Waiting GameMonica Bielanko
What’s the longest you’ve ignored a wet diaper?
Don’t lie to me! I’m onto you!
I’m not talking about the kid asleep in the crib either. I’m talking, fully acknowledged running around the house with a wet diaper that you can’t bear to change for the millionty-fifth time.
So come on, out with it. One hour? Two? Whaddya got?
Me? Guilt takes over pretty quickly but if ol’ Hank The Tank is roaming with a wet one I’ve been known to go so far as stick my hand down his backside and if it still feels dry, I’ll let that diaper ride as low as the pants of a teenage boy.
What? It’s the environment I’m worried about and if I can get an extra half our or so out of a diaper then that’s maybe one less diaper in the landfill!
Okay, that’s just a bald-faced lie and we both know it.
Really, I’m just sick of changing diapers. It’s been nearly four solid years of diaperdom and wheeling and dealing in the bodily wastes of others. I’m tiiired.
Thing is, diapers these days are pretty amazing. Have you ever accidentally sent a diaper through the wash? It doesn’t even tear apart! It just swells up to the size of the heads of your high school friends at your fifteen year reunion. And I’m not talking ego either. I’m talking bloat. The bloat of age. Did you go to your reunion? Didn’t it look like everyone is swollen versions of their formers selves?
So yes, diapers are amazing these days and that amazingness enables my laziness. They hide away pee like nobody’s business. You know those maxipad commercials where they’re dumping blue liquid (why blue?) onto pads and then twisting them this way and that to showcase the absorption? Like that times a thousand. I can’t even remember the last time we had pee leakage in our home let alone enough pee to really moisten the tender bumskins of my boy.
This is my salute to Huggies. Thank you Snug & Dry, for allowing me to be a somewhat negligent mother. You know, just negligent enough that I have time to take a shower and change my own dang underwear.