Twisted Advice from our Moms

These moms may look perfect, but I bet they've given their kids some pretty ridiculous advice.
These moms may look perfect, but I bet they've given their kids some pretty insane advice.

When the editors at babble asked us all to share the helpful bits of advice our mothers have given us over the years, I couldn’t help but think of flip side of all that maternal wisdom. Sometimes moms have some real twisted ideas that they impart to us in the form of life lessons. I’m not sure if most moms have a touch of this dark side or if it’s that I mostly hang out with friends who have some… interesting moms.

Strange bits of wacked-out advice can come from even the most warm, affable, and charming moms every once in a while. Here’s some weird shit some moms said. Not surprisingly, almost all of my sources of these “mom quotes” requested anonymity. One of the following koo-koo quotes is from a mom in my family, but I’ll never tell which quote (or which mom.) Can you think of some twisted words of advice from your own mom or another mom you know? If so, leave it in the comments section because I want to hear it!

  • Fashion 1 of 12
    "Always wear a bra— except when showering— so that your breasts don't sag... Even when sleeping." It sounds like this mom is living a very uncomfortable life.
  • Drugs 2 of 12
    "Don't experiment with a new drug around strangers. It could cause you to have a bad trip." I'm onto this mom. Nothing turns a kid off off drugs more than your mom telling you how to do them. Good job, Trippy Mom!
  • Career 3 of 12
    "You can never be an artist because that means you'll be a waitress." What a bummer you are, Dream Crushing Mom.
  • Dating 4 of 12
    "Only date a guy with the 'Big Three': Job, Car, and Apartment." Huh. I always thought the Big Three were Sense of Humor, Intelligence and Good Guy.
  • Etiquette 5 of 12
    "If you're going to smoke, don't smoke while you're walking because it's tacky." I think Emily Post said the same thing.
  • Myths 6 of 12
    "If your baby son uses a spoon, he'll end up gay." I don't even know what to say about this one.
  • Warnings 7 of 12
    "Anyone can get hooked on crack, even if you're in your 60's like me." Yes, I know someone whose mom got hooked on crack in her 60's. Don't let this happen to you.
  • Men 8 of 12
    "Even ugly men get hit on, even good men cheat, and a man can only say no to a woman's advances so many times." I can't tell if this mom is implying that her daughter will always be cheated on, or if she should just try harder to get laid. Maybe a little bit of both.
  • Money 9 of 12
    "Never get in a dispute over money under $100. Walk away." I don't know what kind of a life this mom was leading. Luckily, this issue has never come up for me. But it's good to know that if it's over $100, it's okay to kick some ass or sue somebody. But not if it's less than that.
  • Health 10 of 12
    "Don't sleep on your left side or you'll have a heart attack." Some kids are afraid of monsters. This kid must have lived in fear of rolling over in the middle of the night.
  • Love 11 of 12
    "It's just as easy to love a rich guy." Never mind your heart. Keep your priorities straight.
  • Life 12 of 12
    "Whatever you decide to do, everything will be fine." This mom sounds like the only mom in the world who should actually try to be a little more neurotic. Time to ditch the Quaaludes, Checked Out Mom!

gallery photos from MorgueFile

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More on More Stories About Some Kid:

My Baby Didn’t Want Me to be an Attachment Parent

Good Dads and Bad Moms

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Article Posted 4 years Ago
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