ATTENTION TOOTH FAIRIES OF THE WORLD: I have a question for you.
What do you do with the baby teeth?
I will tell you my scandalous answer right now.
I throw them away.
It is a true story. I throw my kids’ teeth right into the trash can. One time I even did it at a hotel, which felt really weird, but what else was I going to do with it?
My mom kept our teeth. I know she did because one time I found them and I have to say – it was really creepy.
I understand that our natural instinct as parents is to hold on to things that will remind us of their childhood, but might I recommend school pictures or report cards?
Really, if you keep all those teeth where do you put them? Are you making a necklace? Do you bronze them? Do you bleach them before you put them away, because sometimes the tooth still has some gore on it. I suppose it isn’t that weird with one kid, but if you have five kids you could end up with like 100 teeth. I’m pretty sure if anyone opened up a drawer and found 100 baby teeth they would assume you had a Gacy thing going on and start digging up your basement.
Not only don’t I want people digging up my subfloor, I don’t really want teeth. I mean, I like the ones I have in my mouth, but I don’t need extras lying around the house.
I am not one of those parents that is skeeved out by teeth. I know moms and dads that get grossed out watching their kids mess with their baby teeth. I will put my hand in my son’s mouth and wiggle around the loose ones. It didn’t bother me when my neighbor got off of the bus and said “Hey Sarah! Look!” and she put her tooth right in my hand. I said, “Cool! Congratulations.” and then I gave the tooth back to her because again, I don’t want any more teeth.
Am I a bad parent for throwing my kids’ teeth away? Maybe. But I usually remember to put a dollar under their pillow on the appropriate day. I might be discovered as the Tooth Fairy if my kids read this post, but I will never be outed when a child runs across a baggie of baby teeth.
Now seriously, those of you who keep them. What do you do with the baby teeth?