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What Your Husband Wants You To Know

I know it’s a big stereotype that women are a mystery, but if we’re being honest, dude, men are weird and I barely understand them.

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I can sit there and explain my feelings to them for an hour, and barely get a response… aside from, like, waking up to have my oil changed or something else nice and preventatively responsible.

I’m a words girl. I’m not good at trying to decipher actions, so I decided, hey, maybe I should just come out and ask our husbands what they they want to say to us, like, using sentences?

Here’s what happened.

Andy, married to Brittany 8 years: When you freak out about your age or you weight, I never see any of that. It sounds like a cheesy thing to say, but I still see the girl I fell in love with in high school… with bigger boobs.

Matthew, married 10 years: If you’re married or a mom, don’t get lost in those roles. I feel pulled into the parenting abyss too, but every so often, I like seeing glimmers of our pre-kid lives.

Jordan, married 1.5 years:  If something is bugging you, just tell me.  I miss a lot of the little cues.  So, It’s not that I don’t care or I’m a dick, it’s that chances are, I have no idea something is wrong.

Kyle, engaged: If we are dating and you catch us masturbating, don’t freak out! It has nothing to do with you or how attractive you are or that you aren’t fulfilling us. Sometimes, masturbation is like air, and it’s kinda involuntary.

photoNick, married 5 years: Just like you, we like surprise intimacy, compliments, and little pats on the butt. Even if we don’t like to talk about our feelings, these things make us feel good. We do remember the little things even if we don’t say it out loud.

Shaun, married 6 years: Guys hate it when you ask if your ass looks fat in the jeans. I mean, the fact that you are asking means that it probably does. And there is no right answer to the question. Answer yes, and you are insensitive. Answer no, and you’re a liar. (remember why the question is being asked in first place?) So please, no more ass-fat games from the ladies.

Tony, married 19 years: Just because we have been married for what seems like forever, men still need some attention beyond just the “yeah ok- tonight is ok.” If I go down she needs to as well (oops my outdoor voice again).

Jeff, engaged to Shauna: When a friend (or anyone) hurts you, or betrays you, or makes you incredibly sad, I’m not going to like that person anymore. Period. Even when the dust settles and apologies are made and relationships are healed, I will not be so forgiving. I’m sorry, but I never want to see you cry like that again.

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