When You Know It's Going to RainGiyen Kim
As a Seattleite the one thing that you know for sure is that it’s going to rain. At some point in the not so distant future, the sky is going to cloud over and the rain is gonna come. Based on this knowledge, one makes the decision to live your life prepared or unprepared. You either own performance fleece and dress up in layers OR you are like me and get caught in a rainstorm in a dress and open toed heels. You will find no Gortex in my closet.
Until recently, I used to revel in my irreverrent, carefree, fist at the sky outlook in life. I am going to do what I want to, when I want to, with nary a care in the world. No planning. I am open to what the universe brings me. I am positive (albeit depressed sometimes) therefore I only invite positive things to happen to me. I am a card carrying, Eckhart Tolle reading, new age philosophizing woman of the 21st century. This is totally working for me. Right? Yeah right.
As of today, I am officially coming off of my third MRSA in three months. I let me tell you, I’ve tried with great will to be positive about this. This time the infection was in my eye socket and nose. Seriously. I looked like a cross between one of those mutant goldfish with their eyes all bulging out of their head and bozo the clown. Potential complication? Infected eyeball. Blindness. Infection spreading to brain. In other words – scary. My doctor told me that that less than 3% get MRSA infection a second time and less than 3% of that 3% get it a third time. This makes me special. If I get it a fourth time, I think I get a ribbon and a free lunch at Ruby Tuesday.
And oh, did I mention that I they also found a lump in my breast? Yep, I’ll be getting my first mamogram next week.
Now, now. Don’t worry. I am not getting all depressed and going to the dark and scary place. I’ll start worrying when they rush me to the hospital because I can’t see out of my left eye. Or when they tell me that I need to make an appointment with the oncology department. For now, I am going to use all this illness as fodder to start reevaluating my life and actions. This is, after all, the Live Big Project – right?
I can’t help but realize that my live in the moment, go with the flow tendencies aren’t really working for me anymore. It’s been proving to be more a sign of being undisciplined and irresponsible than carefree and fun. I don’t think that I’ve ever been a person who is prepared. I am a no Gortex in the rainy Pacfic Northwest kind of girl, right? Well that really hasn’t worked out for me. I have dreams about how I want life to be, but I never quite seem to get there. Don’t get me wrong I am not unhappy, I feel very blessed. It’s just that I am feeling unfulfilled and dispassionate about my current trajectory. Plus, all this lack of planning and discipline is creating grumpy, out of shape, sickly, Giyen. Not good.
I can’t believe I am saying it, but I think I need some goals (gasp!) and action items (omg!) to help me get to where I am going. Being positive and open to the potpurri of life is not enough. I think I need a … PLAN! Oh God, please don’t tell my irreverent self that I said this. The next thing you know, I’ll be writing a mission statement. And then hell will freeze over.
Because I am relatively simple person, writing big lofty goals seems overwhelming. Writing a list of 5 or 7 priorities seems a bit more manageable to me. In a quick, back of the napkin assessment, I’ve decided that doing the following things (one or all) on a daily basis will help keep me focused in small tangible ways:
- Treat your body with respect.
- Treat money with respect.
- Be a good to those you love.
- Do something creative.
- Write – either blog or book.
- Be more efficient with your time.
- Acknowledge what things you’ve done to support 1-6 on a daily basis.
My hope is that the tiny revolutions will get the momentum going. That and my positive new age attitude. I think you need both, don’t you? What do you do to keep your eye on the prize?