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Why I’m Perfectly Happy Being a Bitter Old Cat Lady

I used to use the words “laid-back” and “easy-going” to describe myself.  I honestly thought those were fitting terms.  And, I guess, in some respects they are.  I’m fairly relaxed when it comes to my kids.  However, I’m discovering that in other areas of my life, I’m not only not laid-back, but I’m an absolute control freak.

I cancelled my membership to the online dating world and have decided that I’m really not interested in getting involved with anyone. I’ve been on my own long enough that I have a set way of doing things and have no desire to change that or implement the compromises necessary to make a relationship work. Even before my divorce, my ex was never around so I did most things on my own. In other words, I’ve been doing my own thing for a LOT of years. I’m pretty happy with my kids. I really don’t need anyone else in my life.

I’ve decided that I’m far too difficult to ever have a relationship with another human. In fact, I’ve already put in an order at the pet adoption place for a cat. My cat and I will be very happy, mainly because my cat won’t pee on the toilet seat or fold the laundry the wrong way. Yep, that’s the plan. The Cat Plan. It may include multiple cats. Then I’ll call it The Cats Plan. Yes!

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  • My Bed 1 of 8
    My Bed
    I don't want to share my bed. When my little kids climb in with me in the middle of the night, I shove them way over to the edge and construct a pillow boundary between us. I can't stand anything touching me while I sleep. I get hot enough as it is, thankyouverymuch. And heaven forbid, someone claim MY side of the bed. Oh no, I don't think so!
  • Toilet Seat 2 of 8
    Toilet Seat
    I do not ever want to walk into the bathroom and see the toilet seat up. I don't have any desire to clean up any errant pee either. It's bad enough sharing a bathroom at school with a teacher who can't hit the toilet to save his life. I don't need any of that in my home!
  • Dishwasher 3 of 8
    Dishwasher
    Know what's even worse than someone leaving dishes lying around? Someone putting them in the dishwasher the wrong way. Or putting dishes away in the wrong spots. I do not want that kind of help.
  • Dinner 4 of 8
    Dinner
    What happens when one person wants sushi and the normal person wants Italian for dinner? I don't want to compromise. I don't have the time or energy to argue over why raw fish is disgusting.
  • Kids 5 of 8
    Kids
    I cannot begin to imagine letting anyone else into my kids' lives. Ever.
  • Closet 6 of 8
    Closet
    I don't want to share my closets. I go nuts if my little kids play in there and leave a toy behind. I sure don't want another whole wardrobe in there.
  • Bathroom 7 of 8
    Bathroom
    I don't want anyone messing with my makeup and hair stuff. I don't want to wait for anyone to shave or brush their teeth so I can get in the bathroom and I sure don't want anyone lurking around while I'm in there.
  • Driving 8 of 8
    Driving
    It's not that I love driving so much, but I don't like to let other people drive. It stresses me out, especially since I don't have a panic brake on the passenger side. It has been hard enough teaching my kids to drive.

Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth) here!

I don’t always waste time, but when I do, I enjoy playing on Facebook. Come with me, my friend.

If you liked this, here are some more favorites from Dawn.

I don’t feel bed when I throw up on my dentist

Bikram Yoga is the DEVIL

I am one hot mama! (no, really I am)

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