It starts with our first dorm room, or apartment. Maybe you remember them from when you were a kid.
You’d be playing on the street and your ball would go over the fence again, into their yard. Or roll across the road and under their car.
“I did it last time. YOU go!” everyone would yell at each other.
You know you had one. The crazy neighbour.
And, take this advice from us, if you don’t know who the weird neighbor is on your street, then you’re the weird neighbour.
Here are our top ten ways to know if you’re the one, and how to fix it. Today.
1. Did you go out this morning and put up a mini Stonehenge (or not so mini one) a la Spinal Tap on your front lawn? Because one of our neighbors did. Take it down, and take up another hobby, like pointing out obscure Spinal Tap references…
2. Do you wait until you’re in your car each morning to complete your daily beauty routine? Please put on your fake eyelashes and brush your teeth inside.
3. Are you outside and not wearing pants? Find some now, and don’t make us ask you twice.
4. Even if we like your music, we don’t want to hear it before 10 am or after 10 pm. If you wake up a baby, you had better be lactating. If you wake up a child, have a movie and a bowl of cereal ready, because we will send them over. And if you wake us up, hide.
5. No one wants to hear you fight. Stop it. Use your inside voices.
6. If you care about your lawn or car to the point that a child’s footsteps or run away toys offend you and the words “Get off my lawn” come out of your mouth, you are living in the wrong neighborhood.
7. You and your snow blower should really be helpful and share. Related, you and your leaf blower don’t need to share. You are loud and silly and should be a rake.
8. Is there inside furniture on the outside of your house (which is not a frat house)? Take it inside, sell it, or give it away. Three couches are not a good look for anyone’s lawn.
9. We can see that you painted your fence. We noticed your new garage door. Yes, you do have a lovely new deck. And thanks again for pointing out everything about our house you don’t like. As in all relationships, stop bragging. We know we have a zit on our nose, no one needs to tell us.
10. How many animals do you have and what kind? If the answer is more than 6 (including fish and rodents), 4 not including them, anything greater than 3 cats, or “just one, a goat!” you need to open a pet store or get out.
Unrelated, do you have a pool? Because we like neighbours with pools. Seriously, we will move to live beside you.
What are your crazy neighbor stories? We’d love to hear them! (unless you live on one of our streets and its about us…)
Wanna read more?
You can also check out his books UnMarketing and The Book Of Business Awesome/The Book Of Business UnAwesome