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The worst comments Ive gotten as a pregnant lady

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I call this my “Faberge egg” ensemble.

As I near the end of my second pregnancy (I’m currently 34 weeks) I can declare with assurance: people say the dumbest things ever to pregnant ladies.

I’d first like to point out that multiple people say nice things to me daily, and I really do try to focus on the positive rather than the negative. But we all know the negative comments are just so much funnier…in retrospect.

I am also totally 100% willing to admit that as a pregnant lady I am hormonal, oversensitive and prone to taking everything the wrong way. Maybe these won’t even sound insulting to you!

And know, as the person talking to a woman with child, you are fighting an uphill battle. Almost anything you say can and will be held against you. And that is why even a bright, sensitive, well-intentioned person can say the dumbest thing ever.

So if you happen to be one of the people who made these comments just know, I love you and I’m over it, but I’m totally immortalizing your slipup.

1. “Are you sure you’re not having twins?!”

I know this is a common one, but come on! People are usually 100% serious when they ask this, and I get this one a lot. It’s like they really think in this day and age a second baby sneaking in my uterus is an actual possibility.

2. “You can’t possibly go any longer! Your stomach looks like it’s going to explode!”

Me at about 30 weeks. This was during this pregnancy, and the woman followed it up with a twins comment. I then helpfully informed her that she should never, ever, EVER, say that to another pregnant lady ever again. She cackled.

3. “My wife had 5 kids and she never got as large as you are right now.”

I was about 32 weeks when the pharmacist made this comment. He also felt the need to tell me his wife’s pant size (she’s a 6).

4. “How are you feeling, other than large?”

So close to being helpful, and yet all I heard was, “How are you functioning in this massive state?” The answer, incidentally, is that I’m not.

5. “No offense…but are you pregnant?”

HAHAHA this really isn’t that bad, because I was pregnant…but imagine how bad it COULD be.

6. “So it looks like you’ve gained even more weight with this baby than you did with the last?”

7. “Now you’re sure your doctors think everything is ok? You just seem really large for this stage of the pregnancy.”

I assured him that the doctors (I actually go to midwives) were not concerned, and he still needed to be consoled a three more times before I could exit the conversation. And no, he is not a doctor himself, just a concerned citizen.

8. “You get so big when you’re pregnant you might as well add another baby in there!”

This was meant to be helpful, because I have terrible pregnancies. But it’s really one of those, “It’s only ok when I say it…” situations.

In all fairness, I do get pretty big. I have a lot of amniotic fluid and I’m not a tall woman. Also, I like donuts. But again, it’s only ok when I say it. But even seemingly harmless comments like, “You look like you’re almost due!” or the opposite, “You don’t even look pregnant!” can strike people the wrong way. So at any stage of pregnancy I’ve determined this:

The only two things you should ever say to a pregnant lady:

1. You look beautiful (or some non-body part specific generalization in this vein)

2. What can I get you? (or any helpful, what can I bring you, make you, or buy you)

If you stick with these two comments you’ll never end up on a hit list. I KNOW IT’S HARD, and maybe they don’t seem personal enough. But trust me, you cannot go wrong with these remarks.

And like I said, these comments are all fairly hysterical to me now, or were even funny to me at the time. But it doesn’t mean I want to hear them. I hope you find this helpful in navigating the landmine that is a pregnant lady, or makes you feel better about what people may have said to you!

Love and Donuts,

Alison

Find more of Alison’s nonsense and craft ideas on her blog
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