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You Googled What???

Now and then, I like to check my analytics to see which phrases people googled that brought them to my blog. There are always plenty of variations on my name, “because-I-said-so,” “mom2my6pack,” and “funny mom blogs.” But there are also a wide variety of bizarre phrases that bring folks to my blog. I don’t know which I find more disturbing — the strange things people google or the fact that it lands them at my blog. Here are a few recent ones.

 
 
“math sucks”

Yes, yes it does.

“are objects in mirrors smaller or bigger than they are”


Bigger.  Definitely bigger.

“childern samples of invented spellings”
Invented spellings?  Kind of like your invented spelling of the word ‘children?’

“kid poop pants”

“can metamucil make you poop uncontrollably”

“3 year old grunting pooping in corner blog”

“Awesome croc poo, i’ll save that for later”

“poop in the pants”

“chipmunk poop”
I’m a little disturbed at the number of poop googles that have brought people to my blog. I mean, I understand it (CLAYTON!), but it’s still disturbing.

“god gives plastic spiders”
I don’t think this is what we mean when we say that God gives many gifts.

“how to make a monkey out of clay”
Just put some cookies on top of the fridge.

“how to spell soap”
Uhhhhh

“i am the batmoth”
That’s not funny! Seriously. Not funny.

“i loved my colonoscopy”
What’s not to love? Explosive diarrhea until your internal organs liquify and run out + having a stranger shove a tube up your butt until it comes out your throat = LOVE!

“im kinda jealous of my parents because i will never have kids as cool as theirs”
Who wrote this? Austin? Savannah? Jackson?

“monkey face text”
Ooo Ooo Ahh Ahh :(|)

“no one ever said changing the toilet pper roll causes brain damage”
Actually, I think my kids have said that. (They’ve also said, “I’m too tired,” “It’s too heavy,” “I don’t know how to do it.” “I’m too scared to do it,” “I don’t know where we keep the toilet paper,” and “There’s still half a square left.”)

“one hot mamma blog”
Why, thank you!

“poop, pee, toilet paper friendship necklace”
Yep, nothing says “friendship” like necklaces of poop, pee, and toilet paper!

“son flushed juice box down toilet”
Reasons to have your plumber on speed dial for $400, Alex.

“what do you call those things that have there heads cut out and u put ur head in”

I call them FUN!

“will i be able to take my dog outside during colonoscopy prep”
Sure! Just bring twice the amount of plastic bags.

“is 27 old”
You are no longer allowed to read my blog. Now go sit in the corner! Twenty-seven old? Snort!

“yeah, the teacher told us to study for a very hard math test. she is going to make me crazy!. ok, we should try to do it. i had not understood her never, but i’m going to pay her more attention. would you do it for me? thank you! these exercises are great!”
Maybe you should consider studying for your English test too.

Want to read more from Dawn? Get her books Because I Said So (and other tales from a less-than-perfect parent) and You’ll Lose the Baby Weight (and other lies about pregnancy and childbirth) here!

Join Dawn on Facebook because she’s far too lazy busy to update her blog everyday!

If you liked this, here are some more favorites from Dawn.

Top Ten Things to do Before the World Ends

A Walk Down Main Street, USA

Why my Smoke Detector is in my Backyard

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