My friend Eric Ruhalter is hilarious. He is the genius behind the book series “The KidDictionary: Words Parents Need To Describe Their Kids”. In addition to these, he’s now also writing “Words of Wit and Wisdom (except Wisdom)” which some of his fans (me) hope will also find its way into book form.
He wrote this poem about the horror of school ending and summer beginning and it was recently featured on The Today Show’s website. Check it out!
‘Twas the Night Before Summer, and all through the schools,
Good behavior was gone, They were acting like fools.
There was screaming and rioting, and booze beneath the bleachers.
Streaking and looting, and that was the Teachers!
The kids were so anxious, for school to be done,
turn their backs to the classroom, drop pencils and run.
They were tired of learning til their heads filled with fog.
And feeding their homework to the proverbial dog.
But just like their teachers they say parents are mean.
As they’re shunning our bug spray, tick checks and sun screen.
They blow off their curfew, they won’t follow any rules.
‘Til you’re sorry they hatched from your family jewels.
Kids think that summer’s meant for raising a ruckus
Cause chores are for chumps. Summer reading’s for Suckas
So Mom with Her vino, And I with my beer.
were researching camps that are real far from here.
Then what should I hear from the street right outside?
But a white-suited Man in a most musical ride.
He was a boisterous fellow like he was hopped up on uppers.
And he was selling kids ice cream, 20 Minutes before supper!
I lost it, ran out there to say how I felt,
as he handed my kids sundaes my anger might melt.
“What the hell are you doing??!?!!?” I heard myself wail.
He said, “Making a living…charging 5 times retail….”
“Now Push-ups, Now Bomb Pops, Now cones of fudge swirl!
Drink milkshakes, Eat Chipwich til you’re ready to hurl!
From the foot of your driveway to the lot at the mall.
Now lick away. Lick away! Lick away all!
At that I couldn’t help but run completely amok.
And began throwing rocks at the man in his truck.
Mom dashed out in a hurry in time to save my tail.
Or I’d be gone for the summer, unless I made bail.
He sprang to the driver’s seat, rang the bell, flashed the lights.
On his way, little doubt, to spoil more appetites.
So quickly he sped off, and I had me a hunch –
We’d not see him again. Til tomorrow before lunch.
This first taste of summer, left a lot to be adored.
Then my son pulled my shirtsleeve, and said, “Daddy… I’m bored.”
And right then we knew it’d be a Season to remember
And set our sights upon surviving all the way until September.