- You’re a girl, you pee sitting down.
- Don’t let the kitty eat the food out of your mouth!
- Stop putting your finger up your bum WHILE you poo.
- New rule: we are not allowed to put rock collections in our underwear.
- Stop eating the cat food!
- Stop using my hair to blow your nose!
- Throwing baseballs into the ceiling fans is never going to end well for anyone.
- You… give me the gun! And you… give me the knife!
- Don’t worry about your worms, it’s time for school!
- Please don’t undress Mama in public.
- Me: “Are you trying to make me crazy on purpose?” My son: “Well, mama, it’s half on accident half on purpose.”
- Take those balls out of your pants and give them to your father.
- Do not use Daddy’s toothbrush to clean the toilet!
- Since the poop is already in your hand, go ahead and throw it in the potty.
- You need to stop chewing on the kitchen cabinets.
- We don’t write down everything we see in bathroom stalls!
- Get your nose out of your sister’s butt.
- Stop eating the dust bunnies.
- Why does the dog have diaper ointment on her bum?
- What you do in the bathroom is not show and tell.
- And, today’s finale is a short story from Katharine: “We do not play in the snow naked!” My not quite five-year woke up an hour earlier than usual, saw that it had snowed, stripped down to nothing, ran down the stairs (thankfully that woke us up), opened the door (because one of his stupid parents forgot to lock it the night before) and went out to play. His defense was that I wouldn’t have let him play in the snow in his pajamas. When we finally got him back inside he hastily put on his boots, a hat and mittens (but nothing else), and ran back out. This time there was a bit of a delay in retrieval because we (husband and self) burst out laughing at the logic he used.
Gotta love those kidlets of ours.
If this post made you laugh, share the smiles today and please repost it! Which were your favorites today?
And if you didn’t get a chance to answer, comment below and tell us what you’ve found yourself saying to a child that you never thought you would! I may just use it in a future installment!
Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing
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More of me on Danoah Unleashed:
My Kid’s Booger Problem Just Got Personal
When Mommy & Daddy Believe Very Different Things
I Bit My Kid’s Head Off For No Real Reason Today
For My Kid’s First Birthday, I Got Him a Facebook Account
Why the Heck Would it Be Where it Goes?