10 Pieces of Parenting Advice I’m Tired of Hearing
Katie
|
Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I’ve had other parents offer advice about just about every facet of parenting. Sometimes I solicit this advice here or in person when I’m struggling with something, other times it’s given, whether requested or not.
And maybe it’s just me, but it seems that the unrequested advice is always either the most critical of me as a mother or most inappropriate in one way or another. To offer someone advice they didn’t ask for is essentially the same as saying what you’re doing is wrong, here’s what you should do instead. And yes, it’s usually done with good intentions and often the advice is even reasonable and good, but it seems to me that if something isn’t broken and if something is working for a family, that offering advice is creating a problem where it didn’t exist. And perhaps it’s because my in-laws have very rigid ideas on parenting, but I seem to be on the receiving end of a lot of this advice/criticism.
And now, nearly 8 months in, these are the 10 pieces of parenting advice that I am woefully tired of hearing.
-
"Get rid of that pacifier before it's too late!"
Look, I know that not everyone is a fan of the pacifier. And I know that it's going to be a pain to ditch. But it would also be a disaster to get rid of it right now because Eli loves it. We limit it during the day (admittedly, except when sick), but it is part of our sleep strategy and it's working. He's not even 8 months old, so I'm not ready to be worried about orthodontia yet. Plus, both his parents needed braces for a long duration, so I'm thinking he's probably genetically done for anyway.
-
"Never feed a baby to sleep, he'll never learn how to put himself to sleep without it!"
I hear this one a lot from parents who do varying types of sleep training and there is the hidden implication that if you feed your child to sleep at night or for naps, that they will never learn to go to sleep on their own. I have fed Eli immediately before bed every single night of his life. Feedings before naps are hit or miss because he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired (or lately, on a predictable schedule!), but he is completely capable of putting himself to sleep if I lay him down awake. He can self soothe in the middle of the night when not hungry and naps for anywhere from 1 to 3 hours without difficulty. What I'm saying is, feeding him to sleep doesn't seem to be a problem, so please stop telling me to stop doing it.
-
"Cut out the bedtime bottle, it'll make potty training impossible!"
Not only should I not feed him to sleep, I shouldn't feed him right before bed either. I'll admit this one comes from from my mother-in-law and her rationale, very seriously, was that it will make potty training a nightmare. Potty training. My 7 month old. Um. I'm having trouble getting worried about anything that doesn't take place for 2 more years. Plus, it's one of the few bottles a day I can get Eli to reliably eat and his weight has recently become an issue.
-
"Stop pumping already- it's not the same as breastfeeding and it'll make you crazy!"
There are days where I think about this, but there has been a vocal minority who wanted me to quit from nearly day one. I think it came from a good place for most of them, they knew it was taking a lot of time and energy, but others felt it wasn't the same as breastfeeding, so why bother. I had another tell me I'd never be able to get my supply to be adequate enough for my child, so why waste my time when I'd have to use formula anyway. I've almost hit the 8 month mark, and honestly, the insistence that I quit makes me want to go all the way to a year. Sometimes I'm driven by spite.
-
"Always change a wet diaper at night!"
This one seems to be relatively controversial. When Eli was little, I would usually change his diaper at least once at night, even if it wasn't bothering him. I mean, if it seemed damp, it would get changed. But my child hates diaper changes. Hates them. And so changing his diaper at night always results in him waking up. So for the past several months, when he gets up to eat (just once), I don't change him. He sleeps in an overnight diaper that rarely leaks, he doesn't get a rash and most important, he doesn't seem to care. Last night he slept from 8:30 to 8, ate at 4, and didn't seem to care at all that his diaper was damp. I'm not going to wake him up more at night if he doesn't need me to.
-
"Cut out the nighttime bottle or he'll still be waking up at 5 years old to eat!"
I have been told this one multiple times already. It's the, your child is old enough that he does not need to eat at night and if you keep doing this he'll get up and want to eat until he's 5 years old. Sigh. My thoughts on this are 2 fold. First, my child isn't eating well during the day most days, so the nighttime bottle is still needed calories. Second, if getting up once at night for my baby isn't bothering me, why the rush to stop it? We will push out the nighttime bottle when Eli's daily caloric intake is high enough and we're ready, not because of vague threats that he'll never sleep through the night if we don't do it right! now!
-
"Skip the purees, that's not how babies learn to eat!"
I'm not hearing this one terribly often most of the time, but those who believe it are a vocal and strong willed bunch. I actually wanted to do some self feeding of solids in addition to purees, but Eli has rejected them with spectacular fervor. We tried tiny chunks of steamed apples last week and it resulted in gagging and vomiting up of his entire dinner. The same thing happened with a small chunk of carrot. He can handle roughly pureed purees, but aside from puffs, he wants nothing to do with finger feeding anything. I will admit that we skipped the cereals and started with fruits and veggies and I don't regret it at all.
-
"Don't encourage him to crawl, you'll wish he was immobile later!"
I am very aware of how much more work the baby will be once he's mobile. We have the living room gated to try to minimize that, but of course a baby who can move is more work than one who sits still. That said, I am excited for him to crawl. I love watching Eli master new tasks. I love seeing him learn new things and gain more independence. He's so proud of himself and it's just so adorable. And so, yes, I know that I might someday wish he was less mobile, but I'm both encouraging him to crawl and anxiously awaiting the day he starts moving forwards.
-
"Having another baby (too soon) will ruin Eli's life!"
Insert gigantic eye roll here. We are not hurrying up to have a second baby right now, not in the least. We are enjoying the hell out of Eli's infancy and don't want to rush him out of that, but we do want more kids. We had ideas on the best spacing, but those, like most of our ideas about kids, are evolving. We will have more kids and I am relatively confident that they won't ruin Eli's life.
-
"Never let your baby sleep more than 3 hours during the day or he'll never sleep at night!"
I kind of waver on this one a bit. Eli rarely takes these kind of championship naps, but when he does, it's usually because he's tried to skip his morning nap and is exhausted. Now that he goes 5 to 6 hours without eating, it's no big deal if a nap lasts more than 3 hours and I'm definitely in the never wake a sleeping baby camp. If he's asleep, it's because he needs to be. If we have to push back bedtime a little to deal with it, then so be it.
What is the parenting advice you’re most tired of hearing?
Keep calm and carry on– shopping lists all mom can use, from Baby Zone!
Read more from Katie on Overflowing Brain!
Follow Katie on Facebook and Twitter!
Agree with everything, and man am I glad that I come across as a nasty bitchy person because nobody bugs me with unwanted advice! Lol
For what it is worth, I am an only child and I have had kids 18 months apart, 16 months apart, and 3 1/2 years apart and the spacing was great every time. Having more kids will most definitely NOT ruin his life!! No matter when you decide to have them.
Keep making your decisions your way. You are doing a great job!
I have broken basically all those rules. My two year old still has and LOVES her pacifier, and I’m not in a huge hurry to take it away. She’s a great sleeper, and I nursed her/fed her to sleep until she was 20 months old. I never, ever had a problem with it, and I’ll never understand why people are so anti-feed-your-baby-to-sleep. I have a new baby who’s 3 months old, and I can not WAIT until she starts crawling! I think that’s my favorite age. Their little butts wiggle in the air as they go from place to place discovering things, and I think having her follow her big sister around will be about the cutest things ever. Screw the rules!
It seems like everyone has an opinion on how to parent. Yet every parent and every child is different. If it’s working for you and your little man than keep it up!
I don’t give “advice” on things like pacis and bottle use etc. I did things differently with my kids than most parent I know, it worked great for us.
The only time I speak up about what a parent is doing is when it comes to carseats!
We keep our child on a schedule… when it comes to eating and sleeping…. it lets him know what to expect and that makes him more comfortable and less anxious. My son never used a pacifier, or sucked his thumb. He stopped using a bottle after his one year birthday party and hoping he will potty train soon. It’s been pretty hard… he just doesn’t want to. But I would never push my parenting ways on others because I’M NOT PERFECT…. and all kids are different… all parents are different! I cannot stand those mothers that think they know best for YOUR child…. keep your thoughts on my child to yourself and I’ll do the same. Ya know?
My son turned 3 back in October, we JUST got him off of the pacifier. He didn’t use it during the day and more just needed it for night time and naps (when he decided to take them) I would have people tell me all the time that he was to old for it and get rid of it, but i would just ignore them. He also has been falling asleep with a sippy cup of milk and waking up during the night for a cup of milk up until about a week ago. We finally were able to stop the extra getting up and have him sleeping right through the night. When your kids are ready to give something up it will be very easy to do and not a challenge.
My children are 32 and 25.Years,not months,so these haven’t been my concerns for a really long time.You seem to have plenty of common sense-quite lacking in so many-so go with what is is right for you. I did and my girls are wonderful.
I agree. My son was fed to sleep with a bottle up until he was a year old, than we switched to giving him his sipper at bedtime, Heck I still rock him. Micah and I sit and rock while listening to elmo music at night. I hear the dont rock him to sleep he will expect it in the middle of the night. Jokes on them, My little guy has slept through the night since he was 9 months old.
Plus the rocking puts me to sleep to lol. Toddler is my favorite age, but its still fun to watch a little one learn to crawl. 
Whether or not I agree with some of this advice I don’t like it when other people tell me how to raise my kids. Every parent knows what works and doesn’t work for their kids. If it’s not harming the child than it shouldn’t matter. These issues you mentioned are petty ones for anyone to complain about another parent doing.
I had a lot of trouble with the feeding chunky stuff too. I say do what is best for you and your son. No one knows what things are like till they experience it with their own kids.
my “babies” are 19 in 10 more days and 17 in two more months and while we didn’t have all the social media when my kids were little, people still interfere and insert their opinions, wanted or not. throw in the internet where a lot of people have no manners or respect and that equals a recipe for disaster.
the few points that i have opinions on :
why would you discourage your child from crawling and becoming mobile????? that is a natural milestone and i am very proud to say that my kids walked at 8 months and 1 week and 7 months and 3 weeks respectfully. and i don’t mean stumbled around holding onto stuff – i mean they “walked”. we didn’t have a walker or exersaucer type thing – they were on the floor and on the move all the time. we did have to be careful – but you make changes as your child grows anyway.
the pacifier! my daughter didn’t take one at all, i wished she had. she would have nursed 24/7 if allowed. my son took one and while he enjoyed it, he wasn’t really addicted to it at all. he was not a heavy nurser and i had trouble believing he got enough sustenance cause he didn’t nurse real often – but he was a chunky monkey and healthy. we pitched it at 12 months and he could have cared less. my biggest problem with pacifiers – when kiddos get big enough to talk and smile and interact (toddling) i hate to see a pacifier in their mouth cause it is a distraction (for me lol) i want to see baby teeth and hear the babble – no other reason than it blocks their adorable little faces!
potty training – nobody’s business and boys take a lot longer. we cut pull ups at 3rd birthday cause my son would pee all day, but wouldn’t poop in the toilet. we had a few days of holding and screaming – then it was all good lol lol
my babies were held and rocked and ate when they wanted – we had no schedule at all. i was fortunate to stay at home and we stayed up late and slept in and all was good. if i wanted to spoil them – they were mine and nobody else’s business!!! i just can’t believe that both of them ended up being morning people! they weren’t raised that way lol lol
babies, toddlers, and preschoolers will let you know what they want and when they want it. as long as they are fed, loved and secure – they will thrive!!! in this day and time everyone is an “expert” – so just give them the interesting head shake and ignore them. as for the mil – you have known a long time she is off her rocker lol lol lol lol
p.s. your reproductive schedule is nobody’s business either. i married an only child and he was so spoiled. my sister and i were 2 years and 4 months apart and it worked for my parents. god chose to give us babies 2 years and 6 weeks apart and well, they are almost both adults – so it worked for us lol lol
I really wish I read something like this when my kids were babies (they are now 4 and 6 years old). I stressed so hard with my oldest to get her to sleep, and everyone was telling me “you have to XYZ” or you’ll ruin her sleep for life. Let me tell you, I tried everything, but in the end I went back to feeding/rocking her to sleep, picking her up when she cried and letting her have her pacifier. Big surprise, she’s just fine!
Parenting is so hard, I just think that when people find something that works for them, they want to share with the world. I try to cut people giving unsolicited advice a break, because it doesn’t stop after they get older, but sometimes I just have to tell them enough. This is especially true for my little sister with no kids that has an opinion on EVERYTHING I’m doing with my kids.