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11 More Reasons I Might Have to Sue My Kids a la China’s New “Visit Your Parents Law”

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China just passed a brillant law that requires children to visit their elderly parents. In fact, courts have already ruled on the first law suit requiring a woman from Jiangsu city of Wuxi to visit her 77 year-old mother twice a month AND provide financial support. I think this is pretty awesome, kids.

When I come home from work every afternoon, my 4 and 8-month-old daughters squeal and flap around with excitement.  I tell them that they can’t lead my on like this because it’s going to be a big let down when they become teenagers and barely say hello. Now maybe I’ll move us to China and sue them.

  • So Baby Ladies (my term of endearment for my daughters), let it be known that I will have some additional requirements in my old age that you must attend to, lest you be sued… 1 of 12
    iStock_000025159387Small1
  • I might have to sue you if you don’t jump for joy every time you see me until the day I die 2 of 12
    jumping

    This one is totally your fault for being so dang adorable and enthusiastic about me as babies. 

  • I might have to sue you if you try to upgrade my cell phone 3 of 12
    phone1

    When I'm old, you can't be messing with my cell phone and confusing me. Leave me with my iphone 59, I'll be just fine.

  • I might have to sue you if you don’t move me to a tropical climate 4 of 12
    bright

    I'm already slipping and falling on ice at 37, at my rate both my hips will be shatter at age 55. Send me south.

  • I might have to sue you if you deny me pain or happy pills 5 of 12
    drugs

    I want to leave this world well drugged. No pain and no panic—make sure to keep the pills coming.

  • I might have to sue you if you deny me green bananas 6 of 12
    bananas

    I only like my bananas green. Just green. That means once a week trips to the grocery store are not enough. You're going to have to take me to the grocery store at least every two days just like I did for my mom and she did for her mom. 

  • I might have to sue you if you let strangers change my diapers 7 of 12
    diapers

    I changed yours, it's only fair.

  • I might have to sue you if you don’t bring the grandkids over weekly 8 of 12
    grandkids

    If you don't have kids that's fine, just lie to me and bring someone else's kids over. I won't know the difference.

  • I might have to sue you if you don’t see to it that I’m properly groomed 9 of 12
    hair

    There will be no monobrow or hairs growing out of moles, you hear me?

  • I might have to sue you if you let me sleep with my mouth open 10 of 12
    sleep1

    Particularly at holiday gatherings. Throw a blanket over my head if you have to. I don't want to scare my fake grandchildren away.

  • I might have to sue you if you don’t protect me from that old lady smell 11 of 12
    soap1

    You know what I'm talking about. I don't know where it comes from either. Google it. Watch some Youtube videos and get rid of it. I may not look like a fresh young thing, but I better smell like it.

  • I might have to sue you if you don’t bedazzle my walker 12 of 12
    walker

    If you take away my driver's license, you better pimp out whatever ride I have.

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More from Rebecca this month and you can follow along on her blog here.

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