7 Presidential Traits Demonstrated by My BabyAlice Gomstyn
Like every proud (and delusional) mother, I firmly believe that someday, my brilliant baby will be president. Now, Scrunchy Face hasn’t chosen a platform or political affiliation yet, but he is already displaying some very presidential traits. Check them out below. I think you’ll agree, this kid is total Oval Office material!
Not So Toothy
Our nation’s first president had a lot of things going for him, but teeth weren’t one of them. Though historians insist George Washington did not wear wooden teeth — as many commonly believe — he did have multiple sets of dentures. Scrunchy Face doesn’t have wooden teeth either. He also has few teeth period, at least for now. If ol’ George were alive today, the two could enjoy a nice bowl of apple sauce together!
Smiling for the Public
In the modern era, a smiling, media-savvy president can make for a more popular president… and, his few teeth notwithstanding, Scrunchy Face has the smiling thing down pat. Say cheese for the POTUS paparazzi, baby!
He Speaks Softly and Carries a Big (Drum) Stick.
President Theodore Roosevelt’s famous approach to foreign policy has clearly been appropriated by my baby, who usually likes to babble softly but has been known to pick up his toy drum stick, looking just a wee bit menacing in the process.
He Cannot Tell a Lie
Like Honest Abe, Scrunchy Face cannot tell a lie. That’s because he can’t talk in full sentences yet.
He Doesn’t Fear Fear Itself
Depression-era president Franklin Delano Roosevelt declared that “the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” Scrunchy Face, too, has proven rather fearless, daring to roam around diaper-free, trying to scale stairs on his own, holding a sippy cup with just one hand and other courageous feats.
He Wants to Tear Down This Wall… er… Gate
Just as Reagan urged Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall separating what was then East and West Germany, Scrunchy Face is determined to tear down the gate separating the playroom from the hallway.
Yes, He Can
President Obama’s famous “Yes, We Can” slogan helped him ride a wave of optimism into the White House. Scrunchy Face is just as optimistic — especially about feeding himself, deciding that yes, he can get a spoonful of food into his mouth on his own (though the fact that my kitchen floor now resembles a Jackson Pollock painting would indicate otherwise). Scrunchy Face would bring this same can-do attitude in the position as leader of the free world, uniting friend and foe over power lunches of mashed peas and yogurt.
Well, I think we’ve made our case. I assume Scrunchy Face will be a lock for the election of say, 2044… so now it’s on to planning his inauguration festivities. I wonder if The Wiggles will be available…
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