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An Open Letter to Jessica Simpson and Her Chins

Jessica Simpson

A star that is really just like us (you know, mostly)

Dear Jessica,

Congratulations on the birth of precious Maxwell Drew! I hope you’re ignoring the snarky comments that are seemingly everywhere about your daughter’s name, as I think it’s adorable. I don’t mind gender-bending names when at least the first or middle name is gender-specific, but I appreciate that both of your little girl’s names are after her grandmother’s maiden names, so you get a pass.

Really, there can be no happier time than the first few hours of your baby’s life, so be sure to soak in every last shudder, sigh and cry. It changes like *that* and before you know it, she’ll be rolling over and growing a tooth. A tooth!

When things start to calm down a little, I’m sure you’ll start thinking you need to lose some weight. But I’m here asking you not to. Lose weight, that is.

I’m beyond sick and tired of reading about all of the celebrities who bounced back from giving birth within days. Jennifer Garner, Candace Crawford, Beyonce, Jessica Alba. I get it. Believe me, I get it. They’re Hollywood stars so it’s their job to look good. They have tons of money to hire trainers and enlist low-cal meal delivery services so it’s so much easier for moms like them to get in shape and lose weight quick quick quick.

To each woman her own, of course, but so many of the celebrity moms aren’t honest about what they had to do the lose the weight. “Oh, it was the breastfeeding,” some say. “I don’t have time to eat!” others exclaim. While others will repulsively and irresponsibly giggle, “I don’t know! All I eat are cheeseburgers and fries and the baby weight just fell off.” It’s bullshit and we all know it.

I read a few months back that you possibly have a postpartum Jenny Craig deal to be their new spokesperson. And if so, I guess that’s good for you. I’m just not sure it’s good for us. And by us, I mean women perhaps without the time or money for a program like Jenny Craig. Because diets like those can be no-fail if you have the time and money to follow them (and they really do require quite a bit of both), but if you don’t, you can end up losing time and money and still not lose any weight. It’s a losing proposition, and not in the good way.

You just seem a little more normal than other celebrities. Well, not normal, but you’re not perfect, and that’s probably why people are attracted to your story. And that’s why your pregnancy weight gain attracted so much attention — you really are just like us. Which is why it would be kind of nice if you were really, really like us and didn’t lose all that glorious pregnancy weight before you leave the hospital with Maxwell Drew. Some of us don’t have access to personal trainers, specially prepared calorie restricted meals, or even a babysitter who can stay at home while we can go out for 30 minutes to the gym. That doesn’t mean those who have it shouldn’t take advantage of it, but maybe it would be nice if they didn’t always flaunt it?

I’ve never really been your biggest fan (mostly because I’m not really sure what you do), but I’m rooting for you to succeed now more than ever. At motherhood, mostly. Because for the rest of your life you’ll never play a more significant role.

Be healthy for your daughter, be healthy for yourself, and, if you’re up to it, please set a good example for all moms out there and don’t go overboard too fast on the diet ship. You’re beautiful, but how can you not be — you’re a mom now. Welcome to the club.

Love,

Meredith xo

Photo credit: Wikipedia

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