Attachment Parenting for the Win
This might seem contradictory, but I am convinced that attachment parenting makes babies less clingy. During our birthing classes, my husband mentioned he was worried about having clingy kids. Our instructor confidently advised, “Be there for your baby. Hold them, nurse them, and make sure that they know that you are there.” My husband, the skeptic that he is, shrugged the advice off. In his mind, it didn’t make sense. I didn’t know how I felt about the advice, but I remembered it.
After Tate was born, I slowly morphed into something of an attachment parent. My mothering instincts pointed me to baby wearing, breastfeeding on demand, and co-sleeping. I think both Tate and I have benefited from our close physical relationship. Even though Tate is always good for us, we worried about how he would handle the overwhelming amount of people clamoring to spend time with him during the holidays.
From the moment we arrived, Tate has been a champ. He literally goes to everyone, and has happily played and laughed. He has more than exceeded our expectations. At one of the family get togethers, Tate was whisked away by a loving relative to show off his mostly naked body. We discovered him performing for the crowd with smiles, laughs and something of a dance routine.
He often scans the room to see that I am close by and continues to play with members of our family. He is confident to go to others because he knows I will be there. He knows when he cries I pick him up, when he is hungry I will feed him, and when he wakes up I will be nearby. And I think that makes all the difference.
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This always makes me wonder back to the nurture vs nature. How much of each? I know babies that are attatchment parenting that are total nightmares, won’t go to anyone except the parents! Then you read your story. My baby is also wonderful around everyone and I’d like to take credit by thinking bc I let people hold him early on and that’s why he’ll go to everyone…but I thik it’s a lot more nature that we think.
I’m with Lauren. I think it’s easy to take credit or blame for our kids’ personality traits, when a lot of them are just hard-wired. I’m glad you have a parenting style that works for you and Tate. That’s awesome. However, when I tried some of these techniques with my daughter, she pitched a fit. She liked to be held — sometimes. Then other times she wanted her space and cried to be put down. She was sleeping in her own room since birth (steps away from ours), and so far, she loves it this way. She has been sleeping through the night (8pm to 7am) since she was 7 weeks old. At 2, she is funny, scary smart, sociable, polite and eats everything we put in front of her. (“More broccoli, please!”).
Parents ask me *all the time* what techniques we used to get our awesome kid (seriously, our ped’s office calls her a trick baby, because if you just had the one, you would assume all of them are as easy as she is). But we didn’t do anything special. We love her, follow her lead, and discipline gently when necessary. I wish I could say it was something we did, because then we could be assured that future kids would be just as easy. But the truth is, it’s all her.
I believe that attachment parenting has less to do with it than the babie’s natural personality. EVERY baby is born with their own attitude and way of thinking and behaving. I have 2 girls…and I would say I also am a fan of attachment parenting. Minus the co-sleeping I am everything she described. I do this not so they won’t be clingy but like she stated: my girls know that no matter what I will will always be there. To pick them up when they cry, feed them when they’re hungry, and hold them when they are scared or sleepy. This makes for a VERY strong mother/child relationship. And that being said..I have raised both my girls the same way and they are different as night and day. My oldest has a severe case of “stranger danger” and prefers to be around close family and not mingling with people she doesn’t know. My youngest…LOVES to be the center of attention and play peek-a-boo with the strange old lady behind us at the check out lane at Walmart. There is no sure way to “mold” your child’s behavior. You can try to raise them to be polite, friendly and independent; but in the end you get whatever unique soul God puts inside them and every one is different.
I just have done what my gut has told me is right. I breastfeed on demand, we co-sleep, and no part of me could stomach letting him “cry it out”. My little man is 13 months, happy (except for those darn teeth that keep popping in), will play with anyone and loves the attention of meeting new people. At 4 months we took him to Europe to meet his grandparents and he was an angel the whole trip (10 hours each way) exceeding my expectations. If I am labelled as an attachment parent then I will wear it proudly. Honestly I think kids, like pets generally reflect the mood in their home. I know because little man and I are so tightly bonded if am stressed, he can be fussy. In my humble opinion, there is not “perfect” way to parent because we are all from birth individuals, so take from others what works for your family and create your own way if that’s the path you choose.
I have three babies 9, 7 and 11 months. I have raised them all differently, and they are all different. Thats how God wanted it. My older ones loved to cuddle when they were babies and my baby doesn’t so much. She prefers to be held for about 5 minutes when shes tired and then put in her bed. I breastfed for 7 weeks(doctor ordred me to stop), and she co-slept for about the same. She will smile at strangers from a distance, yet close, she wants to be with me.
Thats what I enjoy about mine!
I say do what is best for your little person, what works for them. Nothing you dont do as a mom that someone else does, dosnt mean your doing it wrong. Your doing it your way, and if that bundle likes what you do, then keep on going! When they smile it brightens your heart and makes you smile!
We feed on demand, don’t cosleep, and are starting to let the little one fuss it out at bedtime (4 months old).
She is the biggest smiler, super social….all the attributes you credit to attachment parenting.
If it works for you great, but I wouldn’t call it empirical evidence of the superiority of a style of parenting just yet.
I think it’s a bit of stretch to credit a particular parenting style for every aspect of your son’s personality. My son is exactly the same in his outgoing nature and willingness to go to strangers, but he rides in a stoller more than a carrier, has done his fair share of crying it out, and has been even supplemented with the odd bottle of formula.
Yes!
My comment disappeared… What’s so offensive about suggesting it’s premature to associate a happy friendly baby with attachment parenting (for lack of a better word). C’mon babble editors…back when there were only 4 comments.
So here it is again-
My 4 no old fusses it out at bedtime, no co sleeping but is fed on demand and has never freaked out at a “stranger” (a little young for that behavior anyway) and is the smiliest baby (or so I’m told).
If it (attachment Parenting) works for you, great, but extolling the superiority based on the baby’s sociability is premature.
Wow, some people are really touchy. I’m pretty sure she was just saying that she did what came natural to her, which happened to be some attachment parenting techniques and it has worked out great for her little guy. It was not a personal attach on anyone that did or does things differently. Relax