8 months old

Finding mom friends

Of course your best friend since 5th grade and your college roommate will always be close to your heart, but sometimes you need to connect with people who get just how exciting, challenging and all-consuming motherhood can be. You need to find someone happy to chat about poop, breasts and vomit – in an appropriate way, of course. Yet finding the right mom friend can be quite a challenge, if not downright awkward:

• Get out of the house. If you aren’t back at work full time, you’re going to have to put yourself out there and look for your future friend.
• Playgrounds are a good place to start, but keep in mind that you’ll have to introduce yourself and strike up conversation.
• You can also join playgroups, mommy-and-me classes and other baby-centered activities.
• If you can’t find any local playgroups, why not start one yourself? Simply put up flyers at your supermarket, doctor’s office, gym and/or apartment complex, and coordinate it at your house (and then rotate from house to house).
• If you’re back at work, it’s going to be harder to find mom friends unless you can find colleagues with a baby of similar age.
• However, day care can be a good opportunity to meet other moms, as can weekend activities and errands.
• Another good aspect of childcare is that you can set up play dates with your baby’s friends, which gives moms a better chance to know one another.
• You might feel like you’re back in high school, choosing your pick-up line (“Your baby is so cute! How old is she?) and striking up conversation out of nowhere. It might feel even more awkward swapping phone numbers and e-mail addresses with a stranger.
• Even though you might feel nervous and uncomfortable, keep in mind that most moms want to make new friends just as much as you do.
• While some moms will whip out their iPhones and others will scribble contact information onto a piece of scrap paper, the true mommy dating pros have their own “Mommy Cards.”
• • Even some professional work-at-the-office moms like to have separate business cards made up with their personal contact information, solely for the purpose of connecting with other moms.
• One of the most difficult aspects of finding good mom friends is that you want to make sure you have more in common than just motherhood. And when new moms can range from 20 to 40 years old, there can sometimes be quite a generational gap amongst a group of moms.
• If a face-to-face approach isn’t your style, many modern moms are connecting on the Internet:
• • Join a parenting listserv, which is a regionally based online exchange of questions, advice and support. From the most family-friendly restaurants to controversial topics and opinions, parenting listservs can be a great way to engage with moms in your area. (Interested? We rounded up the Top 12 Listserv Parenting Networks in the country.)
  • People are also using social media as a tool to connect. From sites like Circle of Moms to Twitter, parents are making virtual friends without ever handing over a business card. (Check out Babble’s list of Top 50 Twitter Moms you should follow.)
  • And of course there is the always-growing mom blogosphere, where ordinary moms are allowed (actually encouraged) to be confessional, controversial and even trivial at times. You’d be surprised how fast you bond with strangers going through the exact same feelings and experiences, especially when no one holds back on detailing exactly what parenting is really like. Things you could never say in playgroup are suddenly being spilled on the computer screen – and thousands of other moms know exactly what you’re going through. Looking for the best mom blogs? We compiled the Top 50 Mom Blogs for 2010. And with so many blog conferences around the country (the biggest being the annual BlogHer event), you can actually meet these virtual friends.