3 Most Common Mistakes: Breastfeeding
Expert advice from a lactation consultant.
What are the three most common breastfeeding mistakes?
Expert: Freda Rosenfeld, CCE, International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant
1. Not being prepared to learn
People think, I’m just gonna have this baby and it’s natural. It is natural, but you want to be prepared – you want to know what to expect, so that you can get yourself as ready as possible. Two hundred years ago, when you had a baby, you probably saw ten women nurse in your lifetime before that point – your mother, your aunt, your sister, your cousin – because it was a very a different world. So you had a better idea of what to expect. So the first thing is to be prepared. I think everyone should take a prenatal breastfeeding class. I think I’d see a lot less people if that happened, because then they would have some idea of what to expect. And to expect a learning curve. Like that it might hurt the first day, but it shouldn’t hurt past day three.
If they are struggling, the first thing is to speak to their pediatrician, because he or she may be able to help them or have a name. I get half my referrals from doctors. If that doesn’t help, they should log onto ILCA and find a lactation consultant in their neighborhood. And if they want to take a prenatal breastfeeding class, the first route is to check their hospital (if they are offering them) or again go on ILCA. Not all of us, but most of us, do prenatal classes.
I emphasize position. Position means no pain because the baby’s being held properly, and position means that the baby should drain the breast and gains weight. You want to hold the baby totally parallel, facing you, tummy to tummy or chest to chest, whichever term you like better, so that the baby’s head is right over the breast, so the nipple goes all the way to the back of the mouth, which is where you want the breast tissue to go, you want the baby to fill his or her mouth with breast tissue, so the nipple’s in the back of the mouth. If you have a pretty normal breast, and a pretty normal baby, just really watching that latch – making sure the face is right over the breast – should do the trick. And in prenatal breastfeeding classes they have dolls, they have model breasts. We walk you through all that, that’s what’s so good. So it’s like cramming what you would have learned two hundred years ago.
2. Failing to devote the first two weeks after birth to nursing
A big mistake would be not to devote the first two weeks to nursing, to really making sure the baby nurses a lot and that you and the baby get to know each other. I’d say a good quarter of my women who don’t have milk, it’s because they don’t have good nursing management at the beginning. They miss feedings because they’re tired, and so they give a bottle, so they’re not getting into a rhythm with their baby, so then the milk doesn’t come in to meet that rhythm. If you have a nurse, you should still make sure the baby’s nursing. A lot of times mothers get nurses and then they don’t nurse their baby, and then that first two weeks – which are the most crucial for getting things off to a good start – can be wrong. So really to devote the first two weeks to getting this right, cause once it’s right it’s a lot easier to go from there.
3. Forgetting to enjoy your baby
Not enough women, I think, enjoy the baby. I have a woman – a really lovely woman – and the baby is growing, the baby is thriving, she came in for a very minor issue, and so I said, “What’s the first thing we’re gonna do? We’re gonna throw out the book.” She was recording right breast, left breast, pee, poop, this, that, the next thing, and the baby was only three weeks old. And the baby had gained back its birth weight beautifully, and this is really just a very minor problem that we were resolving – and the issue was that I didn’t feel she was enjoying the baby. Enjoy the baby. It doesn’t have to be exact. If your baby is growing and you feel good, enjoy your baby.
I had a call two days ago from a woman who said to me, “I’d like to make an appointment.” I said, “Is the baby gaining weight?” She said, “He’s three weeks old and ten ounces above birth weight.” I said, “Bell-curve perfect. Is he sleeping?” She said, “I get two to three hour chunks at night.” I said, “At three weeks that’s beautiful. Are your nipples hurting?” She says, “No.” I said, “So then why do you need to see me?” She said, “I guess because my friend saw you and said it was a good idea?” I said, “You don’t need to see me.” She was one of those women whose baby was a good learner. She was probably in a hospital with a lactation consultant, got some really good early advice, and I was like, then why do you need to see me? I said to her, “You’re not enjoying your baby. I don’t think you need to see me. You’re doing wonderfully, and if I could give you one gift: just have fun.”
We’re in such a society where everything has to be perfect that she thinks she has a problem when she doesn’t. If your baby is gaining, if your nipples don’t hurt, don’t get caught up in the details.
Interview by Meghan Pleticha
I’ve always thought the lack of breastfeeding role models was a huge part of why so many otherwise healthy women struggle with breastfeeding today.Hopefully that means each generation will see new gains.In the meantime, enjoy the baby is great advice.Good article, bad title. Seriously, I know you want people to click and read, but at the expense of telling moms they’re doing something wrong, again? Can’t you have funny, eye-catching titles that are less negative?
The article was a little ho-hum, but I must say the graphic is priceless!
I have to agree with this article in my experience. I read books from very early on in pregnancy so I would know what to expect. I went to the class at the hospital. And I went into it with the frame of mind that I was going to give it my best shot, but I wasn’t going to pressure myself if it didn’t work out. And I think that helped a lot. But I did give formula in those first couple of weeks at times because I was just touched out and exhausted. Luckily my son was a great eater, he liked both.But I have read very heartbreaking posts all over the internet from women who tried so hard to breastfeed through a lot of pain and guilt, and I don’t want to discredit their experiences.Also I would say when you are pregnant, do not listen to people who tell you how hard it is or how much it hurts. That is their experience, not yours. I would say many people around me were quite skeptical if not outright discouraging. I tuned them all out!
I would add, sometimes breastfeeding hurts for more than a day or two. It just does and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong; your nipples just need to toughen up. I think its a disservice NOT to tell people it’s going to hurt for awhile. If you prepare yourself that it will hurt it’s easier to deal with the pain, in my opinion. It’s like not mentioning that childbirth really hurts. A lot. It just does.I breastfed my daughter for 14 months, and it was painful at first, and didn’t really feel ok for maybe 6 weeks. But then it was totally fine.
I second the comment about the title of this article – for women who are already having trouble nursing, that title seems like an accusation.Good advice – my childbirth class included a breastfeeding class (only one day) with a lactation consultant who touched on all those things, which was nice.
I despise the notion of bulling new mothers with a title like this.I have two kids, one never had a bottle (not my choice) and the other adored a bottle (again, not my choice). Everyone who can read knows that the breast is the best option but even the intimation that you’re failing as a mother when you fail to breastfeed exclusively is what tears down women.So, I’m unimpressed.As an FYI my son hated being swaddled and I had to lay down undressed and nurse him while he laid on his back. Later on we found that he’d broken a collarbone during child birth. Lactation consultant for someone like me… useless.I’m sorry, I just can’t get over my resentment that you would dare make new mothers feel worse.Shame on you. New mothers are fragile, I can’t help but think you overcharge too. (see, now I’ve sunk to your level)
I agree about the title…breastfeeding is hard enough, even when it is going well, and new mothers are anxious enough already.That said, I agree about letting mothers know that breastfeeding can hurt in the beginning. I took a breastfeeding class where they stressed that if it hurt you were doing it wrong. I also spent my first few couple of days in the hospital constantly trying to get my son to relatch properly since the nurses kept saying it shouldn’t hurt at all. Finally, a different nurse told me that it might hurt a little the first week or so, and I relaxed and just let my son do his thing. After to week or so, my nipples toughened up and we were fine, but I almost created a nursing problem where there was none because of bad advice!
wow – i am amazed at the reactions – i too am a breast feeding consultant in spain (we dont get paid here btw..) and i must say its wierd to me that when someone writes about how we mothers just need to relax and enjoy our babies more, we would get so offended?!? yes its tricky and sometimes there are problems and therefore mistakes made – its human to make them! but how advice that getting informed is a good thing to do would be offensive is a sign that we are being a little hypersensitive. i really think that status anxiety has bled into something so beautiful and sacred as mothering – and that to me is just sad! we are human and we make mistakes – its ok! even us soft sensitive mothers need to recognise it and realise that its just fine to!i think its a great article… congradulations.
I agree with kk. I had two weeks of pain, rawness, and a sense of dread everytime I had to feed my daughter. After two weeks, we were fine. AllI heard from lactation nurses was “if it hurts that means the latch is bad.” Well, it turns out that her latch was fine. The nipples were in the process of getting used to nursing. A friend, who experienced the same thing, encouraged me to persevere through the first two weeks and forget about this latch obsession and the myth that it’ll only hurt for a day or two.
Hi everybody — Babble editor Gwynne here. We intended the title “What You’re Doing Wrong” to be funny; a play on parenting magazines that basically say that on every page. But clearly our intention didn’t come through and readers were offended, so we’ll be changing the column title going forward. Thanks for your feedback; we really do read it!
I would add one small caveat here. I had one of those babies who latches on early and easily, eats like crazy and gains weight quickly. I also had no pain. What this meant was that it took a while for anyone to help this confused mother figure out the very real problem we were having, which was a very copious milk supply with a very forceful let down, and my poor kiddo was doing her darndest to keep up, swallowing a whole feeding’s worth in the first 3 minutes, swallow more, enormous spitup, repeat. Sleeping was not happening. But everyone told me’ babies spit up, and some newborns need more help sleeping than others. Listen to your babyv I was! As it was, I didn’t have a clue what was happening until 2 weeks in, and I didn’t get the info that would have really helped(from a la leche league podcast) untill 4 months, a bit too late. I was even told that ours was a problem others would love to have. Soooo not helpful. So my point is, sometimes there really is an issue even if the numbers look good. Relax is nice but not always the most helpful. But thanks for an article that should calm many.
I was all gung-ho to breastfeed. Read a lot, talked to lots of experienced moms, etc. I was so excited!Well…… turns out NO ONE told me my nipples were big, flat and inverted (thanks, DDD boobs and the bra needed to hold ‘em up!!).Also, my baby girl’s mouth just DID NOT FIT over either nipple. So… 2 weeks, 4 lactation experts and 0 weight gain later, I made good friends with Ms. Medela and Dr. Brown, and everything went GREAT after that.I did get a few lectures from well-meaning lactivists, but most people were supportive.I SO agree that you’ve just gotta chill out!!
Gwynne: Still says “most common mistakes”–a bit better than “What you’re doing wrong,” but still so negative!And that seems to be a thread that runs throughout Babble.Sure, I know the audience for Babble is supposed to be “hip” and “urban” (and maybe I’m not–though I once was) and so sarcasm and snark and parody are to be expected, but this really isn’t parody. First, I don’t think the general population recognizes “What you’re doing wrong” as a trope of typical magazines. Maybe, “Three ways to woo your baby to your breast…” or “Three things your baby wants you to know about breastfeeding but won’t tell you.” That reminds me of Cosmo AND isn’t so negative!Suffers from the same issue (on a much smaller scale) as the New Yorker Obama cover–which IMO doesn’t so much as parody an attitude as illustrate it.I know provocative titles get clicks, but it would be nice to try to help out struggling parents, too, with accessible advice.
Failing to devote the first two weeks after birth to nursing? So if you have older kids its totally fine to just ignore them for two weeks so you can devote all your time to nursing? Now THAT will make the older child hate the new baby.