Bad Parent: I breastfed in a moving car. By Vicki Glembocki for Babble.com.
I breastfed in a moving car.
My brain chants this, over and over, as I sit in the backseat of my minivan, next to the car seat where my two-month-old daughter, Blair, is supposed to be, all strapped in and safe. But she is not. She is, instead, lying across my lap. My tank top is pulled up, my left boob is hanging out, and Blair is latched on. None of this would be a problem, except for one thing. My mother is in the front seat, driving the car.
Oddly, less than two hours ago, I thought Blair and I were having a good day. I actually said this out loud to my husband, talking to him on my cell as Blair and I drove to the Philadelphia airport to pick up my mother, who was flying in to help out for a week.
“We’re having a good day,” I said.
“You are?” he answered, clearly surprised. This was the first official “good day” we’d had since Blair was born. The jaundice, the colic and the relentless crying, the two minutes of sleep, the impulse to kill the dog and anything else that made noise, and the madness of figuring out how to breastfeed another human being (who just, kind of, appeared) had all left me feeling entirely out of control.
But, today? Blair woke up from a nap at two p.m., giving me precisely enough time to nurse her, get us both in the minivan, drive to the airport, pick up my mother and drive back home before she’d need to nurse again at five. All was going well. Until, on the way home, I missed the exit. And we ended up in rush-hour traffic. Crawling. On a four-lane highway. With no way to pull over. For two-and-a-half hours . . . so far.
For the past hour of it, Blair has been screaming.
My mother is in the seat next to her, rocking the car seat, which isn’t working. Neither is the air conditioning I turned on full-blast to create a “shushing” sound. We both know she’s hungry. And that, because she’s hungry, we’re screwed.
I try not to look in the rear view mirror, where I can see Blair’s face, all contorted into a massive black hole of a mouth, reflected in the mirror hanging on the headrest above her. My boobs are throbbing, but not as much as my temples are. From that sound. That yelping, alien baby sound.
Read More
About the Author
Vicki Glembocki is a columnist for Women's Health, a writer for Philadelphia Magazine, and author of The Second Nine Months: One Woman Tells the Real Truth About Becoming a Mom. Finally. (DaCapo 2008). She lives just outside Philadelphia with her husband and two daughters, Blair and Drew.
« Go back to Baby
63 thoughts on “Bad Parent: I breastfed in a moving car. By Vicki Glembocki for Babble.com.”
Leave a Reply
Share What You're Reading
I breast fed my son in the car numerous times. He, however, stayed buckled and safe. I, contorted my body in positions that were inhumane! If not for the large lactating breasts, I never would have been able to do it, but I did and it worked for him! It wasn’t the safest thing for me, but at least my son stayed buckled! It can be done, I did it when he was rear facing and forward facing!
I have done it dozens of times. I know its unsafe, yaddah yaddah yaddah but I have been in very similar situations to those described above where there is just no other alternative & what are you going to do? It’s not like there are public breast-feeding stations along every major road. It’s not like you have any alternative feed source when they are that young… Thank God for tinted windows.
My daughter nursed until she was close to her 4th birthday, but I NEVER unbuckled her from her carseat while the car was moving. On long trips, I would sometimes pump discreetly in the front seat with a hand pump and then climb into the back seat to bottlefeed it to her. Of course, the most obvious solution would be to simply PULL OVER! It’s not worth risking your child’s life to get somewhere a half hour sooner!
In NYC there is no law about car seats and babies while riding in the back seat of a cab. It is not at all required. Strange but it somehow makes the effect of having your baby out of the car seat in the back somehow much less dire.
Oh my good lord. Have we really all become that paranoid that this is a major thing? Your kid was screaming her head off so you did something that has the possibility of being dangerous. I don’t watch my 2 1/2 year old every time he goes up and down the stairs. Sometimes I even feed him grapes that aren’t cut down the middle!!!!!! Ahhhhhhh!!!!! When I was little my parents’ carseat was this plastic bucket thing that strapped through the seat belts in the front seat. I’m also not sure why this was all about the myriad possibilities of breastfeeding leading to indecent exposure. I’ve changed into gym clothes a few times in the car myself. Glad no one reported me. I never really thought anyone would care enough.I don’t know what to make of this article.
I feel for you. It’s awful when you’re trying to drive with a hungry baby in the car wailing away. Have to say that I’ve been in a god awful car accident and it has fundamentally changed the way I think and feel about driving. Car accidents happen so quickly and they are so brutal. Not trying to send judgment here, but it’s all too easy to take safety for granted when you go out in a car every day. I live in NYC and, since the accident, I won’t even get into a cab without putting on a seatbelt, and I wouldn’t hold my infant daughter on my lap in one either. It just takes a one second for your life to be changed forever.
I have to nurse our daughter in the car whenever we go on road trips of 2 hours or more. I end up staying the backseat with her. Sadly, because my breasts are gigantic, I really just have to lean over (while seated).
I have nursed my three children numerous times in my car, when it was parked! There is no reason to risk your child’s and your own safety by nursing an unrestrained child in a moving vehicle. This is why there are emergency pull off areas on the side of a road or you can use the shoulder of the road. Even a small rear end by the car behind you can turn your child into a projectile, no matter how tightly you are holding them. I sympathize as no mother wants their child to be crying in hunger but a little common sense goes along way. I would rather my baby be hungry until I can safely pull over than suffering injuries as the result of a car crash while not properly restrained.
Try driving with a screaming baby who isn’t hungry. My son hated the car. Unless he was asleep, he screamed from the moment he was in the car until he was taken out. This started at 2 weeks and continued until he was about 18 months old when he could see out and discovered trucks. And don’t say “but babies usually love the car.” I can’t tell you how many times I heard that. When he was one, he could sometimes be quieted by singing. Picture a family of 5 in a rented Pontiac Vibe, one screaming toddler in the middle of the backseat, 2 adults and 2 little girls all singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star over and over on vacation in Washington State.Amywww.sofiabean.com
I agree with Just Weird. Moms have to make cost-benefit analyses on a daily basis, and there’s no way to avoid breaking some “rule” every once in a while. The odds of having a car accident along any given fifteen mile stretch of highway are pretty small. We use our reason, and make the choices that seem best to us, and more power to all of us. There are few hard and fast rules that apply to every situation, every child is different, we are all such different people, and our relationships with our children are complicated. I try not to judge. Now, if only I could stop judging myself! It can verge into true, pathological paranoia, which I think this article illustrates beautifully.
The only thing more contorted than attempting to breastfeed a child while you are both strapped in is the twisted logic that someone linked this unsafe act you performed to legal protections for public breastfeeding.Women should have the right to breastfeed anywhere they and their babies have a legal right to be. Period. The end.But that has nothing to do with the infant car seat laws, which are in place to protect the child.Did your editor come up with this angle or did you make this connection in an attempt to make yourself feel better about taking your child out of the car seat in a moving vehicle?I’m glad you and your baby ended up arriving safely, and I can certainly understand how insane a mama can be driven by that screaming.But I think that you have to plan (pump and have a bottle, pull over when it is possible to do so, put up with the screaming if necessary and promise yourself you’ll plan better next time, etc.) so that you aren’t in this situation. I was one of those rare parents who had a baby who actually COULD die from screaming too long (she had a heart condition), but for the most part, a baby will survive being stuck without a feeding for an extra hour or two. The baby most likely would not survive a bad crash without being buckled in. And that would have been far more traumatic for mom.Anonymous from NYC–It may not be required, but it is advised…and there have been a lot of injuries as a result of the lack of a car seat or booster seat.From a 2006 article in NYMetro Parents: “In New York City over 2,600 children were injured in the 17,000 taxi-related accidents in 2000.”
I don’t understand why one couldn’t pull over to breastfeed. I have been in similar situations on road trips up and down 95. We just pull over and give the kid the boob. I agree that little planning can save so many headaches- like who doesn’t know that Philly roads are a parking lot at rush hour?! Or just lean over and keep the baby strapped in. I know moms with smallish breasts who have accomplished this feat.This whole essay is ridiculous really.
I have small boobs and regularly nurse my little one while she’s in the seat. I used to take her out of the seat. I kind of am a free spirit when it comes to laws…but I always was so nervous and would never forgive myself if she dies in a crash, so now I do the contortions. I frankly don’t care who sees me. They can kiss my butt!
I guess I don’t understand why you didn’t just pull over, feed the baby and go about your merry way?
I can’t believe you offered to pick your mom up! Next time, have her call a cab and save yourself the stress. And invest in a pump; it’ll change your life! (I totally feel your pain, by the way. There is nothing worse than being stuck in a car with a screaming baby.)
I know how you feel, too! But like Lactivist, I unbuckled myself and leaned over in the most awkward position — while my baby stayed strapped in safely. Try it. It works. On the other hand, I always took the subway in NYC and simply breastfed on the train…
I am a breastfeeding mom with a 2-year-old who never took a bottle. I have never nursed in a moving vehicle. I have pulled over many times, but I just never thought that my daughter safety was something I was willing to sacrifice. I know, I know. There is a 1 in a million chance of getting into an accident at that moment. But, guess what? Someone has to be the 1 in the million. And then, I get frustrated when I hear mothers say, “I can’t understand how this happened,” right after they have put their child in a risky situation. None of us are perfect and we certainly can’t protect our children from unknown dangers, but can’t we at least protect them as much as possible from the known dangers? Look, growing up, we never wore seatbelts and my mom smoked with the windows rolled up….but, when we know better, we should do better. You are certainly not the devil for doing this, I just think your judgment may have been a bit askew….and I suppose you wrote this for some sort of validation. Sorry, you won’t get it here.
I have done this as well, on long car trips. If my daughter was hungry and crying, I’d go in the back of the minivan and nurse long enough to satifsy her. I even tried to put the shoulder seat belt strap around us both (which was probably not a good idea) but it made me feel safer.My husband and I have always worn seatbelts–I see people all the time without seatbelts on either themselves OR their kids. So, I figure the total of 20 minutes we probably spent doing this in the year and 1/2 of breastfeeding was not that much of a risk. For people who say “pull over”–yes, I did that many, MANY times but this was on a turnpike where there may have been a long 1/2 hour or more between exits.
Same here, I’ve fed in the car numerous times with the baby and me BUCKLED. It does require a bit of practice though:-)
I can’t help but notice how American this all is. Were women from one of many other countries reading this, they might find it strange that there is any conflict — I think many would say baby first, seat belts second. And if you really think that America is a “Free Country,” note how telling it is that we live in such a police state that a mother is in fear of nursing her child in the situation you describe for not one but TWO reasons — arrest for indecent exposure, and arrest for not using a seat belt.Car seats only matter if you’re in an accident, and let’s face it, you have excellent odds of making it home without getting into an accident most of the time, especially in the slow, gridlocked traffic you describe (and your odds improve further when you eliminate the stressful distraction of a screaming infant). Am I advocating that we all do without seat belts from here on out? Of course I’m not — but I am advocating that we stop acting like the rigidly law-abiding automatons our government expects us to be and use situational judgment and common sense appropriate to the circumstances of the moment.
While I agree there are ways of getting around actually taking the child out of the seat, I think some people are over estimating the risk here. Didn’t anyone else notice that traffic had basically stopped? She was able to get out of the car and switch drivers without traffic moving. I wonder what the maximum speed met was, maybe 8 mph and for just a few minutes before stopping again? Even if they had been in an accident it would’ve been a minor fender bender, barely likely to damage even the car, let alone lead to injury. It’s not like her mother was tearing down the road at 70mph while she was nursing in the back. A little perspective people.
There have been two cases in our metro area this past year of a mother doing this and the infant was killed. One was only 6 weeks old. Bumper to bumper traffic both times and they were rearended. The baby flew out the window both times. The mothers were unhurt. One of the infants was run over by another car as he lay on the pavement. Nice. So go ahead. Dont pull over. The child will not die waiting an hour or two to eat. But they will die if you are in a 20 mph rear end collision. I cant beleive that most of you are more worried about getting a stupid ticket or charged with flashing a boob.
Will everybody lighten up – yes, these horrible things happen, but we’re all humans just trying our best to take care of our children in whatever bumbling, momentary insanity way we can. My mother use to breastfeed her eighth child while we were hurtling down the highway with luggage tied to the top of the station wagon, the rest of us 7 children wrestling, cajoling and hair-pulling in the back, nary a one strapped in, with our golden retriever wandering around trying to find someone to rub her butt and our car sick cat doing the circuit (including pacing under my father’s driving foot) while mewling in a demented I’m-about-to-puke-any-minute octave. And guess what? We’re all still alive and well (except for the dog and cat…) Isn’t it amazing we survived our childhood? And tragedy continues to strike families everywhere. This is what we call life. You do the best you can, and when all else fails, flash them the milk-engorged booby. I hope a few of you choke on that.
Seriously? Vicki seems to me more concerned with the law and who might see her boobs than the fact that she’s seriously endangering her child who is out of the car seat. Who gives a crap about indecent exposure when your child could go through the windshield in a MINOR accident? I’ve breastfed in the car too – but ‘hovering’….I understand the desperation, but only to put myself at risk (out of MY seatbelt) – not my childs.
Who cares about seeing a boobie? That’s such a non-issue.You’re right, Lisaloo, most of us weren’t buckled into our parents’ cars in any meaningful way and kids and we all lived to tell about it. I don’t think my parents every had an infant car seat for me. They used to plop me on the backseat in a portable bassinet, and they’ve told me that they wedged me between the top of the back seat and the rear window over a mound of luggage for a New York to Chicago road trip during a blizzard. Sure, I’m here and I’m fine, but who would do such a thing today?How many people in here wore a helmet when they rode their bike as a small child? I’ll bet none of you did. And how many of you would let your little ones board a bike — even one with training wheels — without a helmet today?If any of you who are writing in to say ‘loosen up, what’s the big deal’ had ever been in any kind of real car accident — even at a relatively slow speed — you would be on the other side of this argument. Let’s say the author was going 10 miles an hour… how would you feel about dropping your baby on the ground or throwing him or her against the wall at that “slow” speed? You simply don’t realize that the baby would fly out of your arms upon impact. The baby would be in the air before you could even try to grab onto him or her tighter during the accident. It simply happens too fast. Don’t be boneheads.
“Our parents did it and we’re still here” is such moronic reasoning. Kids who died as kids don’t post to the internet. So DUH, of course we all survived.
Does nobody’s breastfed baby take a bottle? When was nursing I always took a bottle of breastmilk or formula with me.
I went on a three hour trip to Ocean City and packed a bottle of water and formula for this reason, but I am lucky enough to have a baby who will take a bottle. I’m not sure how I feel about this. It is really unsafe to nurse a baby in a car, unbuckled, but then again moms around the world ride bikes, even motorcycles with their babies in slings on their backs which is anything but safe. Then there is the issue of car seats. Why can’t they be designed so that the child is positioned head towards a passenger side instead of towards the front, so that a mom could sit in the backseat and nurse her child with them still in the car seat?
If so many of the posters truly believe in the “why take any chances” mentality they supposedly espouse as they freak out over a momentarily unbuckled infant, then I ask you — why put your child in a car AT ALL? Even with child seats, automobile accidents consistently rank among top causes of death for young children. If you really don’t believe in taking any chances once in a while, or think all parents are morally obligated to significantly cut every risk, start taking the bus or walking everywhere. Your likelihood of being in an accident will plummet even further than for a passenger car. Let’s not even talk about the car vs. SUV statistics. Or if you really want to start playing holier than thou over car seats, maybe you should consider doing all of your travel by private jet. Pricey, sure, but isn’t your child’s safety worth it? Look at your blind spots, people.
Must fix baby. Must fix baby. When I was a new, first time mom, instinct overtook everything. Baby cries – must fix. I get it.
I am not a moron and I have been in 2 car accidents but I also do not believe in berating, judging and beating people up because they make lapses in judgement when they are desperately trying to care for a screaming infant. Maybe I should ask the question of whether you have ever had a colicky baby. And I am not talking about an infant that cries when they are wet or hungry or tired I am talking about an infant that cries in a very distressed way ALL of the time. I have, and that is why I am cutting this poor woman a little slack. Until you have lived with a baby that screams whenever they are not feeding or sleeping, than hold your tongue and your judgements – I have been living this reality for the past 16 months and I totally get that the poor lady just wants to stop the screaming.
“If so many of the posters truly believe in the “why take any chances” mentality they supposedly espouse as they freak out over a momentarily unbuckled infant, then I ask you — why put your child in a car AT ALL? “Okay, I just probably just let this slide, but I can’t. Now you’re just being belligerent.I’ve seen firsthand what can happen if you’re not buckled in. I hope you never find out what it’s like to be in a car accident. Is this going to keep me out of a car? Well, yes, sort of, because it gives me one more good reason not to move to the suburbs. But when we do go in the car we’re ALWAYS buckled in.I really don’t understand why some of you don’t carry along a bottle and some expressed breast milk for just this situation. I have been in the car with a screaming baby and I had a BOTTLE ready for her. Are you more afraid of nipple confusion than you are the potential consequences of a car accident!!!Absolutely moronic.
I have been in a car with a screaming/hungry/colicky baby more than once and never would have considered unlatching my kids to feed them. In fact, I almost called 311 on a car next to me the other day because the baby was out of the carseat and asleep in grandma’s arms. I couldn’t believe the sheer stupidity. (I had my kids in the car and couldn’t find my headset for my phone so I didn’t.) We can all say we survived without carseats but in comparision, there are at least twice as many cars out on the road now then there were 20 years ago. Which means, twice as many reckless/bad drivers. Also, we’ve missed the point that by not pulling over and having to give an unfamiliar driver directions, she’s just become one of those reckless cars on the road. Does anyone think a judge would have been sympathetic if her car had caused and accident and hurt someone else and their children?I understand it’s hard to drive with a screaming baby; we’ve all been there. But as my late father used to say, children are “precious cargo” and it’s up to us as as their parents to protect them. Pull over next time–not only for yourself and your baby, but for the safety of others.
Yeah, we did a lot of stupid things back in the day and I’m sure we’ll eventually discover we’re doing lots of stupid things now. But now that we have the knowledge, isn’t it better to use it?Anarchist Mama–We all take calculated risks. But this risk was easily avoided. It isn’t worth living in a bubble to protect your child from all the “what ifs.” But I think it is worth a little planning and/or a little extra crying to avoid driving an infant around without a car seat.If you were to get into an accident, even at low speeds, because of the baby’s small size, the baby is likely to be hurled around the car (or as another poster suggested, out a window). Or, much worse, act as your airbag. And how horrible is that?Even if the risk is unlikely, the potential for disaster is so huge, and the trade off so comparatively small, that it really seems to be a clear choice.Brooklyn Mama — It isn’t fear of nipple confusion. Some babies don’t take bottles. Mine never did (and believe me, I tried). But I do agree…there are other alternatives. I wouldn’t take this risk, either.
Probably I would have done it few months ago, but I know a couple that lost the almost newborn baby like this. He was driving, she was in the front seat, he lost control of the car, something on the road, the car was spining and hit something. The baby slip out of her arms, flew through the window and died. The parents had few injuries… they are recovering from the loss and she’s pregnant again.. but it was awful.
Seriously? Is Babble running out “scandalous” topics for this column or is that what constitutes a “Bad Parent” these days? Seriously?
This is kinda ridiculous- especially the way it was written as if this was the world’s worst thing to do. If the author was hitchiking with no car seat and feeding her kid beer in a bottle then maybe I would have found the article a bit more interesting.Also agreed with LemonaidLucy – this is all really hyper-American. My parents in law thought we were nuts when I told them only 2 other people could fit in the car with us because of the car seat. They were all like, “We’ll put the baby in our laps.” They thought we were weird for lugging our car seat across oceans when we went to visit.Do I always have my kid in a carseat and believe in safety? yes of course. But this article is so exaggerated.
Wow. I can’t believe how judgmental so many of you are. This column is called “Bad Parent.” I would assume the author is saying, “Hey, look at what a bad-parent move I did.” I’ve been in a car with a screaming baby. My kid wouldn’t take a bottle. I know what that’s like. It’s just amazing that other moms are so quick…so self-satisfied and self-righteous…to point fingers at this writer, AND at each other. Jesus.
I used to like Babble, but lately the essays they have been publishing suck beyond belief. And this one takes the cake. Was it really necessary to make an entire essay devoted to this topic. Excuse me, but YAWN. Did you really pay this woman? Babble, my love, you have officially lost your edge and I am no longer going to be reading.
and p.s. just in case you think that by posting this I am indicating that I finished the piece, please let me correct you. The number of comments here does not indicate some kind of “success” but rather indicates a number of readers who were bored senseless by this moronic drivel and commented rather than waste another moment of their life in reading it.
It’s one thing to call someone self-righteous when they’re berating another mom for supplementing, or god forbid!, feeding their baby formula entirely. There aren’t laws about breastfeeding. This is a much more serious issue, and to say that it’s so “American” to be concerned about car safety — meaning silly — is, well, silly. Our friends in Europe all use car seats. Maybe their kids’ grandparents think that’s silly because they didn’t use them, just as most of our parents didn’t.When I wrote above that I wondered if some moms are willing to take their babies out of the car seat rather than risk nipple confusion, I was trying to say that I think lots of us focus so much on certain issues — like breast or bust — that we can lose perspective and become blind to others. I’m not trying to start a war here, but it’s like going an entirely no vaccine route. You trade one possible risk for another set of potentially much more serious, life threatening even, ills.I just get chills thinking of people driving with a baby riding on their lap. It’s so dangerous and irresponsible. And it really goes to show what a car culture we have here. We act like we’re sitting in our living rooms rather than hurtling down the road in a hulk of metal and glass. When you are in a car accident, even at a slow speed, every single untethered item (and person becomes) a projectile. Whether your kid can take a bottle or not doesn’t really matter. Offer a pacifier, let her suck on your finger, sing…. Let the baby cry or pull over — if something happens you’ll spend the rest of your life wishing you had.
C’mon…next time, pull over or PUMP.
My baby used to scream in the car. After awhile, I kind of figured out that developmentally, little babies – or at least my little baby – didn’t have any business being in the car. Not that cars were ever great for babies, but since the invention of carseats, and the inevitable physical separation of nursling and mama, it’s just a bad, unnatural place for a nursling to be. (I’m not saying carseats are bad – if you HAVE to be in the car, then of course they are good). Probably no one wants my advice. But if anyone does, here it is – avoid the car like the plague until your baby is a little older – been on solids for awhile, interested in looking out the window, etc etc. There will probably be plenty of times when you have no choice – pediatrician, have to drive older children, etc. But if you have a choice – that is, if your mom can take a cab from the airport – then choose not to put the baby in the car.
I have a young baby and know how horrible it is to hear her screaming in the backseat – and how tempting it is to take her out and comfort her or feed her – but I would ask that you please reconsider this choice in the future. I am not judging you or anyone else who makes the choice to do it but I hope for you that an accident never happens. I have a friend who, about ten years ago, took her one month old out of his carseat to feed him. They were only a couple of miles from home, hit a slippery spot on the road, and got into an accident. The baby died and it took a long time for my friend to recover -not that you ever really do after something like that. Good luck.
I was told that in Michigan, I was breaking no laws with my child out of the carseat, as long as he/she was being fed. Does anyone know at all what the chances are that you will be involved in an accident sometime during the precise 20-minute timeframe you are feeding a child in a moving car – I don’t either, but I’m guessing somewhere around the same risk of being hit by lightning because I’ve read that dying in a single car trip is much less than the actual risk of being hit by lightening, an online source cites your risk of being hit by lightning — A one-year risk of one in 6.2 million and a lifetime risk of one in 80,000. There are many cases where pulling over is not an option, such as expensive/important penalty-assessing appointments.
Motor vehicle crashes (MVCs) are the leading cause of death for Michigan children ages 14 and under. In 2005, 7,188 Michigan children ages 0-15 were injured and 84 children were killed in crashes. While the largest toll of MVCs is in human suffering and loss, crashes also exact an enormous toll on Michigan’s economy. In 2005, the economic cost of MVCs to Michigan residents was $9.1 billion, or $899.00 per resident!
We aren’t always happy with our no-fault insurance either. —-Deaths from motor vehicle crashes have declined significantly in Michigan since peaking at 2,487 deaths in 1969. Last year, only 1,084 died in crashes, matching last years statistics. (not figures for only children, but rather all deaths)——I can go even one better. You can find the CDCs stats at http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/childpas.htm. Apparently, death via motor vehicle accident is also the leading cause of death in ALL children ages 0-14 NATIONWIDE. Appropriate restraint systems reduce serious and fatal injuries by more than HALF. In 2005, 1,451 children died aged 14 and younger nationwide. OVER half of these children were restrained (UNDER half were not) (most of us arent nursing our 14-y/os anyway). One of four occupant deaths involve a drunk driver. Over two-thirds of these fatally injured children were riding with a drinking driver Shults 2004. (wonder what the exact circumstances were in the other one-third, which would be about 484 5- to 14-y/os nationwide for the 1451 2005 figure?). They say restraint use in general depends upon the drivers restraint use. Lets face it, it isnt like a breastfeeding mother who stops during a traffic jam to nurse is automatically a nonutilizer of the seatbelt altogether nor is her newborn riding unbuckled tickled at the thought of freedom. They say almost 40% of children who rode with the unbelted drivers were also unrestrained so break it down for us please, how many kids died in this exact circumstance and how many were nursing and what were the other ages?For infants, a child safety seat reduces the risk of death in a car by 71% and only 54% for toddlers IF you are in an accident so I ask, again, please let us know how many of these saved children were saved during a nursing session in particular. Riding in the back seat can reduce injury by 40%.———–There are approximately 4 million babies born each year in the U.S. so 1,451 child deaths would equate to just under 0.04%, and that 0.04 figure, my friend, includes ALL child deaths aged 0-14. With 484 being the approximate remaining one-third, the figure is now 0.01, and that still includes ages 0-14. Lightning? Pedestrian injury remains the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related deaths among children ages 5-14. Each year, more than 658 children ages 14 and under die nationwide from pedestrian/vehicle-related injuries. So to put it further into perspective, taking into consideration that two-thirds of occupant child deaths involve a drinking driver, our children have more of a chance of being hit by a car than even being killed in an auto accident, let alone during precisely the few moments they are actually nursing.
We aren’t always happy with our no-fault insurance either. —-Deaths from motor vehicle crashes have declined significantly in Michigan since peaking at 2,487 deaths in 1969. Last year, only 1,084 died in crashes, matching last years statistics. (not figures for only children, but rather all deaths)——I can go even one better. You can find the CDCs stats at http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/childpas.htm. Apparently, death via motor vehicle accident is also the leading cause of death in ALL children ages 0-14 NATIONWIDE. Appropriate restraint systems reduce serious and fatal injuries by more than HALF. In 2005, 1,451 children died aged 14 and younger nationwide. OVER half of these children were restrained (UNDER half were not) (most of us arent nursing our 14-y/os anyway). One of four occupant deaths involve a drunk driver. Over two-thirds of these fatally injured children were riding with a drinking driver Shults 2004. (wonder what the exact circumstances were in the other one-third, which would be about 484 0- to 14-y/os nationwide for the 1451 2005 figure?). They say restraint use in general depends upon the drivers restraint use. Lets face it, it isnt like a breastfeeding mother who stops during a traffic jam to nurse is automatically a nonutilizer of the seatbelt altogether nor is her newborn riding unbuckled tickled at the thought of freedom. They say almost 40% of children who rode with the unbelted drivers were also unrestrained so break it down for us please, how many kids died in this exact circumstance and how many were nursing and what were the other ages?For infants, a child safety seat reduces the risk of death in a car by 71% and only 54% for toddlers IF you are in an accident so I ask, again, please let us know how many of these saved children were saved during a nursing session in particular. Riding in the back seat can reduce injury by 40%.———–There are approximately 4 million babies born each year in the U.S. so 1,451 child deaths would equate to just under 0.04%, and that 0.04 figure, my friend, includes ALL child deaths aged 0-14. With 484 being the approximate remaining one-third, the figure is now 0.01, and that still includes ages 0-14. Lightning? Pedestrian injury remains the second leading cause of unintentional injury-related deaths among children ages 5-14. Each year, more than 658 children ages 14 and under die nationwide from pedestrian/vehicle-related injuries. So to put it further into perspective, taking into consideration that two-thirds of occupant child deaths involve a drinking driver, our children have more of a chance of being hit by a car than even being killed in an auto accident, let alone during precisely the few moments they are actually nursing.
Oh thank you for sharing Chrissy34, I’m going go to throw out my daughter’s car seat and cut the seat belts out of my car right now. You’ve shown me the light.
I have to say that I too have breastfed many a time while driving– BUT what I did, which I like to call “poor-man’s yoga” is do the contortionist thing with baby still buckled in. In a minivan, I breastfed many uncomfortable times while kneeling between the back seats and somehow reaching my boobs to the mouth of my rear-facing infant. This way, I figure I was only risking my life if we crashed, not his. We took a long car trip from Ohio to the Carolinas, and this was the only way we could continue to travel without stopping constantly to nurse. It worked okay, and I found a few new muscles I didn’t know I had. I have to admit that I find unbuckling a baby in a moving car to be a real taboo. And it doesn’t matter than in my babyhood, I don’t think we even had a car seat at all, and I distinctly remember standing up on the front seat of my dad’s van while we drove along. I lived. But still… http://catherine.blog-city.com
Right *BM*, THAT is precisely what I support and recommend! @@
I don’t think you are a ‘bad parent’ as noted in your essay’s title. But I think you don’t handle a crisis very well if it never occurred to you to: PULL OVER AND NURSE WHEN THE VEHICLE WASN’T MOVING.Granted, you’d have been a little late arriving at your destination. And you won’t have fodder for an over-thought over-wrought essay. But that does seem to be the logical choice. And by ‘logical choice’ I mean ‘one that doesn’t make you look silly.’
Puhlease. Somehow it has escaped many that she was “crawling” through a four-lane rush-hour traffic jam. You can’t just pull over if you’re in the middle 2 lanes and we all know people don’t necessarily let you over into their lane in a traffic jam situation as well. You are in great danger of being hit sitting/parking on the side of a highway.
Whatever. Take risks with your child’s life. I mean, I know people who blow pot smoke in their kids face. You decide what you think is important. You put temporary discomfort (screaming, hungry) over physical safety, those people put their own pleasure over the child’s eventual intelligence level. Still, if I were a cop, I’d have ticketed you. Also, almost everyone I know would have reported you. Just a slap on the wrist, sure, but if one is determined to ignore the laws, that won’t change anything.
My brother would say this is a symptom of the “I’m special” syndrome. Laws don’t pertain to me because I’m more important than anyone else. Or, nothing bad could happen to me or my child because I am more careful (special) than those other losers. I should be first in line, because these other people aren’t in as big a hurry as I am. Yeah. Think of that as American all you want, I’ve seen it in all kinds of people.
Whether or not I agree with what the author did, I’m glad she wrote this. I learn something from all of these Bad Parent essays even if the topic is considered ridiculous by some. Having a baby is awesome but also the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. I love my son, will do absolutely everything I can to protect him, but also know that at times I’m going to fail or do something questionable. It won’t be for lack of concern about his safety – maybe just a moment of bad judgement. I guess I find it soothing (probably not the right word but I’m tired – baby didn’t sleep last night!) to read the plights of other parents and realize that I’m not alone. Good luck to all of us and, sincerely, here’s hoping that we can continue to learn from each other’s successes and failures.
I was pretty horrified by this article. I wish I would have been that woman who smiled at the mom in the back seat because I would have called the police in 2 seconds to report her. Since when do we disregard the safety of a child to avoid the “inconvenience” of calling 911? There is NO excuse for taking your child out of the car seat while it’s moving to breastfeed them. Period. No matter how much they cry. Plan ahead! Pack a bottle, use a pacifier, pull over …. it’s not that difficult. It is inconsequential that certain states don’t mandate car seat safety laws …. it’s common sense to buckle them in. Where is that “motherly instinct” to ferociously protect the safety of your child? What kind of mother puts a baby in that kind of unnecessary, life threatening danger? For those of you who rationalize it away as “no big deal” because you’ve done the same thing are not thinking in the best interest of your child.
I hate it when people say, “We are all just trying to do our best”. Nothing could be further from the truth. Very few people actually think, “I am going to do my best”. People do what they do and don’t think. This woman was clearly not thinking of anyone but herself. All she wanted to do was stop the crying. She wasn’t thinking of the best interest of her baby because if she was she would have cut off as many cars as she had to to pull over and safely nurse her baby in a PARKED car as a means to soothe her not to stop the crying. If she really was thinking of all the laws she was breaking while she was breaking them, and I doubt that she was, she was fully aware of the danger she was putting her baby in and decided to do it anyway. Who knew a mother could be that selfish.
Just because you admit to it doesn’t make it right. People admit to bad stuff all the time.
oh good god, if the baby is hungry you feed it. I know I’ve got a premature baby and if he cries I have to feed him, I can’t afford for him to lose any weight through a screaming fit of more then a hour but that makes any journey impossible when he sometimes needs feeding every 30mins. I cant express, he feeds too frequently so in cases like mine planning a head would require 6 months. To anyone who can do those things, for the love of god do them, I would love nothing more then to be able to lean over and give my baby a feed knowing he’s safe in the seat.
I’m not saying it’s right to take a child out the car seat, the risk of an accident would pass through every mothers mind when she does it, but to nurse a baby and put them back in the car seat is fine so long as the mother isnt driving.
To those thinking people who breast feed in the car are bad parents, and decided to preach I suggest trying to deal with circumstances like those, then tell me its oh so easy to just ignore that baby.
this is so lame. I have five kids and have taken them all out of the carseat and nursed them during long trips. The risk is mine to take and yours to judge me for. It is called freedom or are you all my village berating my and others choices? Great, go for it and all feel better about yourselves for a few days.
Yeah, cause one of those other grid-locked cars is going to come flying into her car and knock the baby out of her arms. If you can’t move the car enough to pull over it’s probably safe.
I just wanted to share a little related tip. My family doesn’t drive, and it’s been a massive point of anxiety for me since my daughter was born. She’s 18 months old, and I’m stuck bussing or, preferably, walking around with her in the ergo carrier and have been doing so since her birth. However, lets say a couple of times a year, a situation arises where a cab is the only option. Be it a doctor’s appointment or an emergency at the hospital across town, needing to bring home a large piece of furniture (like when I couldn’t find childcare for my then 4 month old when her crib order came in, and she had outgrown her bassinette and couldn’t safely wait another night) and so on. I always spent the entire ride terrified and clinging to my baby with a death grip. When she was little I would try to cart the carseat around with me from cab to cab but now that she’s older I can’t manage the large toddler car seat in a cab at all. Finally, after 18 months of terror, our old-school pediatrician shared a great harm reduction strategy with me. For larger kids, like my very tall 18 month old, but better yet a two or three year old, if you absolutely must travel without a car seat you can use your own body as a booster seat. Have the child sit upright, facing forward on your lap and buckle up around both of your chests and laps. Essentially it brings the seatbelt up to a safer position on a taller, but not tall enough to go sans car seat, child. Obviously a car seat is the better choice, but there’s a ton of judgement out there for moms not using car seats that I felt made me, a non driving mom, feel absolutely terrible. Since car seats are a zero tolerance matter, there was literally nothing available online to help me reduce the harm involved in taking a cab ride to the E.R. when my baby hurts herself. And there’s nothing good about denying harm reduction strategies to moms in need. Obviously in this article the baby was much younger, so while my advice doesn’t apply I still feel a world of sympathy. Just thought some moms that found this article on a googling spree might want the advice.
Your an awesome mom!!!! I would rather of been raised by someone like you than, an over protective wimpy, always worried mother. I think that’s more dangerous! Amen sister