Baby Sleep Training: I Want This Lady's Husband
Fuzz, not sleeping.
If you’ve read any of my posts about Fuzzball since he turned four months, or any of my posts on sleep-training on my personal blog, you know that I haven’t had a decent night of sleep in years. I’ve read a million books, tried a billion techniques, some of which even worked for a little while, but I still have a toddler who wakes up at least once in the night, and a five month old who wakes up more times than I care to admit to the interwebs, but I’ll add that he still has a horrible cough I’m pretty sure is contributing to his nightwakings at this point.
Part of the reason I’ve concluded any sleep training hasn’t stuck in my house is because the husband is not 100% on board with it. I’ve done it while he was away (with the help of my mom who diligently held my hand through the cries–the Shnook’s and my own), but then as soon as T came home from whatever business trip he was on, we fell into old patterns again. I FULLY BLAME HIM. Apparently, this is a common phenomenon.
Actually, of late, Shnook sleeps wonderfully when we co-sleep, but I can’t sleep at all in a queen bed with a 5 month old infant and a 2 ½ year old and a 6 foot 1 inch snoring grown-up. Which is why lately, we’ve been playing musical beds in our house. In an effort to get as much sleep as possible, I sleep alone in the guest room until Fuzz wakes up to feed, then go back to sleep in the guest room until Shnook wakes up, then go sleep with Shnook in his bed until Fuzz wakes up again, and then I go to sleep in my own bed with Fuzz while T goes to sleep with Shnook until they wake up at 6 and we get up anywhere between 7 and 8. Sounds complicated, no? Seriously, I get more sleep this way AND Fuzz wakes up fewer times than when we co-sleep all night.
Jenny Anderson, co-author of the new book Spousonomics, wrote a post about how she is leaving her house while her husband sleep-trains her four month old. I think it’s a great idea, and I am seething with jealousy.
I know eventually my babies will sleep and in the grand scheme of life, it’s all a drop in the bucket. But boy, 8 straight hours is looking really delicious right about now, and some nights I’d be willing to do just about anything to make it happen.
the leader of the mommy and me class i took when nora was born told us about a woman she used to see walking around her neighborhood with a glass of wine every evening. it turned out, the lady’s spouse was home putting the baby to bed! nice life!
Why on earth are you trying to ‘sleep train’ a child? A somewhat bizarre concept. Anyway, if your kids are waking up in the night, then it may be due to stress. Ty and have then have a good cry in your arms before bedtime and you’ll see after a while that they calmn down. Your 5 month old definitely needs to co-sleep, so it makes sense to sleep in a different bed than your husband. You’re in this for probably another year, but the kids will start sleeping better and you’ll sleep better too.
You can’t train them to sleep, you can just make sure they go to bed under the best conditions so that you give them the best chance possible to sleep through the night.
Oy vey. That sounds like musical bed craziness, though I typically am all in favor of whatever works for everybody to get as much sleep as possible. I am also a “wimp” when it comes to sleep training. But, when my baby is clearly tired and doesn’t want to go to bed, we let her cry for about 10 minutes in bed, and then we usually go pick her up and give her a bottle. It works like a charm, she’s out in 15-20 minutes. My husband takes care of her alone for a few hours in the afternoon, and he has let her cry to sleep for a few naps (never longer than 15 minutes). And, our nanny is able to put her down and rub her back and pat her bottom until she falls asleep. She would never let us do that without a fight.
I think that you need to do what you need to do. What if you went with Shnook alone somewhere to sleep for a night or two, and left your husband with the baby? I realize this isn’t a good option if he isn’t taking a bottle, but, hey, it wouldn’t hurt to try it for a night and see how it goes.
As I mentioned on another post, I found this to be invaluable in getting EVERYONE to sleep. Note that ma-ma might need a bigger version.
http://amancalleddada.com/2010/10/da-da-101-sleep-and-babypendula.html
And if that doesn’t work, there’s always this:
http://amancalleddada.com/2010/07/im-too-fussy-extended-fuss-mix.html
Enjoy,
-Da-da
http://www.amancalleddada.com
This too shall pass and the best place to sleep is where everyone sleeps the best.
Good luck mama and go forth with nurturing flexibility. There will be greater challenges ahead of you and sleep deprivation will seem like a minor and welcome challenge of the past!
I had to sleeptrain my kids by myself as well. I was so dysfunctional after months of no sleep. My husband was on board, but was unable to follow the sleep guide rules properly. I used the “Good Night Sleep Tight” method with both my kids at 9 months. My oldest slept 12 hours on the 3rd (!) night of sleep training (before that she was up every two hours, sometimes less). With my second it took a bit longer, close to 3 weeks, but she is sleeping 11 hours a night. Of course when they are sick, teething, etc. sleep goes out the window, but it changes back once their fine. What ever you chose to do, be consistent and ask your husband to at least support you if he can’t help.
Hang in there!
I’ve been using the “No-Cry Sleep Solution” pretty much against ALL of my very experienced and knowledgeable friends’ advice (whom all resorted to CIO). I have found many of the techniques useful although I’ll fully admit that I haven’t had the time/energy to get through the whole book. What I like, is that it gives lost of options to work toward a reutine that’s best for your family. My 1 year old has been sleeping very nicely for the past 2 months (but was waking about twice before that) and much of it has to do with some of the techniques i picked up from the book. 1) a very strict and reliable bedtime reutine – this predictability gives my daughter all the right signals that it’s sleepy time. 2) I follow her cues when i lay her in her own crib, but I distinguish between a cry and kvetch (my word not theirs). My daughter will kvetch-it-out for about 1 minute (or less), then it’s off to dreamland.
blah blah blah what ever works for you, blah, BUT that musical beds thing sounds exhausting and I wonder what message your sending to your older one, who is cabale of learning to stay in place all night. I’m the last person to say let them cry, but it might be a relief to have a plan in place that works toward getting everyone in their beds all night long.
I just want to be sure to urge everyone to actually read the Ferber book before attempting to sleep-train — I think a lot of people misunderstand what they are actually supposed to do.
Naomi, you poor thing — I hope you and your husband can come to a meeting of the minds about this!
I feel for you& Im up for any advice myself.. I have a 14month old who usually gets up 2-3 xs a week too UGH!!! I usually let him go but itbreaks my heart
Sometimes he will sleep all thru the nite (9hrs) but most nites he gets up. He is teething but this has beengoing on for way too long. I hope your little one sleeps thru the nite… & mine too!! Best of luck