When I had my first baby in 2009, breastfeeding didn’t work for us. It just… didn’t.
I struggled with feelings of sadness and failure, but always knew that if I had another baby, I would try to breastfeed again.
Here I am two years later with an almost 4-week-old baby, and amazingly, things are going much better this time around.
So, why am I still feeling so insecure about breastfeeding? I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it is really a strange place to be hovering, emotionally.
I know that breastfeeding isn’t always a snap, and that some patience and practice on my part is necessary, but I am really plagued with constant worries.
Is she getting enough milk? Is she getting too much milk? Is one breast producing more milk than the other? Is my diet causing her to have gas?
The list goes on, and on.
At what point will I relax and trust that my body is working as it should, and that my baby is happy and satisfied? Aside from some night time fussiness and gas, she seems to be nursing well, and producing plenty of wet and dirty diapers.
Why can’t I relax, or even feel a little proud of myself for making it this far?