Breastfeeding Insecurity
When I had my first baby in 2009, breastfeeding didn’t work for us. It just… didn’t.
I struggled with feelings of sadness and failure, but always knew that if I had another baby, I would try to breastfeed again.
Here I am two years later with an almost 4-week-old baby, and amazingly, things are going much better this time around.
So, why am I still feeling so insecure about breastfeeding? I feel like I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it is really a strange place to be hovering, emotionally.
I know that breastfeeding isn’t always a snap, and that some patience and practice on my part is necessary, but I am really plagued with constant worries.
Is she getting enough milk? Is she getting too much milk? Is one breast producing more milk than the other? Is my diet causing her to have gas?
The list goes on, and on.
At what point will I relax and trust that my body is working as it should, and that my baby is happy and satisfied? Aside from some night time fussiness and gas, she seems to be nursing well, and producing plenty of wet and dirty diapers.
Why can’t I relax, or even feel a little proud of myself for making it this far?
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I had the same insecurities when I started breastfeeding. I worried that my daughter was not getting enough, was not growing fast enough, was eating too often, only liked one side, etc. But keep in mind that your baby WILL let you know if she is hungry. I always have nursed on demand. I myself do not like to eat on a specific schedule, sometimes i snack all day long and realized that my baby is probably the same way so why should I tell her when she can and cannot eat. She is now 14 months, still nursing and thriving. She is on the small side-only in the 30% for her weight but I think that she is very healthy. She has hit all her milestones super early.
Being surrounded by so many formula fed babies has made me want to quit so many times but then I think about all the sicknesses she has avoided. When all the formula fed babies around her were passing around germs and getting sick, she stayed healthy and happy. Hasnt been sick yet in her 14 months! It’s easier said than done, but stop worrying and trust that your body and baby will know just what to do when it comes to breastfeeding.
oh and one more thing: congratulations on making it 4 weeks!! it will only get easier and more natural from here
I’m the opposite. I nursed my first with no problem, it was the only option for me. Now 11 years later #2 comes along and I’m not sure if I didn’t make enough milk or I gave up too easily. Now at 4 months I gave up (after talking to a specialist who told me it’s near impossible to get my supply up now).
My husband felt our baby wasn’t getting enough so he started giving her formula and no matter how much she nursed she still drank as much as she usually did in addition (she breastfed first).
I struggled talking to any experts because it was so emotional for me. I felt like they talked to me about ideals and didn’t listen. I called someone from Le Leche but she wasn’t there and I never had the courage to call back. I was afraid of getting bombarded with too much information. For example, I didn’t cosleep or wake up at night with my first and it worked, but everyone says feed at night.
Other moms including my own mom have their opinions and I felt judged (even if they didn’t mean to, I admit I was sensitive about the topic).
When you first give birth you’re already emotional. Until my first I didn’t understand the big deal about breastfeeding. Now I get it. I wish I could’ve made it to a year, but I finally had to just accept that I didn’t and get over it. It was still hard.
Janet
I’d recommend going to your local LLL. I think at some point you’ll get into a groove. The first baby was so nerve wracking. I didn’t know anyone that nursed, I was the first of my friends to have a baby, and it was just plain scary. Combine it with the fact I was all alone (deployments suck sometimes) and I was just tired and stressed. But, joining other moms, it helped. Everyone has insecurities from time to time. It’s natural.
And just so you know, it’s even harder to get past the insecurities in a world that is so anti-BF. From people looking at you weird to all the bottles out there… it’s easy to wonder if you are doing it right. But you are. Keep going! Most of all, enjoy that baby!
I think you were so traumatized by your first experience that it’s no wonder you’re waiting for “the other shoe to drop”! I’m nursing my 11 month old currently, though I can tell you that for the first 6 weeks or so I was pretty insecure about the whole thing. I’m a pediatrician, and I was counting diapers, checking for a sunken fontanelle, carefully tracking her weight…. all of that! Finally I realized that Jessica is right- your baby will tell you when she is hungry. Keep an eye on the diapers and weight, but don’t be obsessive. If your baby is happy and growing, then you’re doing great! You’ve made it to 4 weeks, I think most mommies give it up earlier if it doesn’t work out. I think you’re in this for the long haul now, congrats and good luck!
I breastfed my two girls. They are now 9 & 16. I SO get your insecurities. Worrying about it. But remember, that’s what your milk was made for. For them. And if you are able to breastfeed, that is the BOMB! As long as your baby is having wet diapers and consistent ones, I’m pretty sure you can relax. I always fed on demand too. And one thing to remember, if you start to worry because she wants to breastfeed more, don’t worry. That actually means she’s growing and by breastfeeding more, she’s actually increasing your milk supply by doing that!
Congratulations on being able to breastfeed this time around!!!
It definitely gets easier. When I began someone told me that 6 weeks was the magic point. For us it was 6-8 weeks. I also feed on demand and have learned to trust my baby will let me know what he needs. He’s five months and thriving. I offer frequently and let him decide. The hardest part is definitely behind you.
Hang in there!! I had a very similar experience. The 1st time around, my baby & I passed thrush back & forth until I just couldn’t do it anymore emotionally or physically — and we only lasted 8 weeks. The 2nd time around, my baby & I just clicked. Her latch was perfect, and we happily nursed for almost 2 years. The uneasy feelings you are having right now are completely normal. If nursing is really causing you anxiety, focus on this main question: Is she wetting diapers every couple hours? Then yay! She’s getting enough milk, and you are doing a great job!! It *will* get easier. The 4-5 week mark was VERY tough for me both times with both of my babies. It just sucks. The lack of sleep, the lack of anything “normal” but ready to find whatever “normal” is again. It gets easier… it really does. I always tell everyone to give breast-feeding 6-8 weeks before you decide whether you want to continue or not. It’s not always easy, but once you get past 6 weeks, it really is smooth sailing.
It gets easier and easier as you become more confident in yourself. I was lucky enough to have a free support group in town. I got to weigh my son every week and see how much he was gaining. I also weighed him before and after feeding so I could see how much he was getting. It was a Godsend. I suggest finding some local moms, a play group, support group, or something that centers around nursing. Congrats on 4 weeks! That’s AMAZING!
Breastfeeding does get a lot better. I breastfed for 14 months when my son decided he was done. It was hard at the beginning and there were points when it would of been easier just to get a bottle. I loved it. It was a special time for me and him. He was born at 37 weeks weighing just 6 lbs 2 oz. by the time we left the hospital, he was 5 lb 13 oz. the hospital was having me give him formula and breastfeeding, which I now know wasn’t right. The pedi told me to just breastfed and it will be fine. He gained weight fast and had caught up to his birth weight within a week. He did bite me a few times and made me bleed which sucked. But it was so much easier to always have the milk available instead of making bottles. I can’t wait until I have another baby and to enjoy the experience again.
I think right now…a lot of it is hormones. And believe me…I know all of us moms HATE hearing that, but I think it’s true. For my first baby…it didn’t get ANY better…I ended up quitting, because I just felt like it wasn’t working. For my son, I was determined to do it for the first year…and I did it up until 1 week after his first birthday when HE decided…it just wasn’t for him anymore. My anxieties were there as well. But with every check-up, I knew that I didn’t have to worry. I even had the doctors tell me that he wasn’t gaining weight properly…that maybe I should supplement. Stick with your gut instinct. I did, and my son was the healthiest little boy every and he still is today. If you want to do it…then do it! Follow your heart…it’ll lead you to the right way. Our mind will play tricks on us, unfortunately. Good luck!
I really wish I could tell you that this constant worrying would stop but I don’t know that it will. I worried most of the time that I was breast feeding. It did slow down the further along that I got. I think it’s natural to worry. As long as the baby is gaining weight I would try to just calm your fears. It’s a difficult process and our bodies are amazing.
I think it is because it is such an important issue and your baby is the most important (or one of) things in your life and when something is important we worry. Also a lot of human beings are their own worst critics so maybe your doubting yourself because your wholey responsible for it?
Well done on doing and persevering with it
Lainy http://www.alwaysreading.net
As mothers we are programmed to worry. I nursed my first for four perfect months before she weaned cold turkey one day.
I am nursing my second now, today is 13 months! Every step of the way I have worried and been harried and stressed, even though we have barely had a hiccup. Am I making enough milk, is she nursing long enough? Does she need more solids, should I wean or let her? Etc etc!
Jessa Dobbs
http://www.onceamom.com
I know exactly where you’re coming from. With my first baby, breastfeeding was a horrible disaster. I was always keeping notes about which side I nursed from last & for how long, and it was *so* painful. I was not at all prepared for the pain. 18 months later along came baby #2, and I was too afraid to try again. With baby #3, I decided to try again and somehow I made it through the first few MONTHS of pain and wound up nursing for 18 month. At first she wasn’t gaining adequately & I had to supplement with formula and take her to be weighed all the time. But she got through that & eventually I stopped freaking out & worrying. By baby #4, I knew what I was in for. I took Motrin before nursing to help with the really bad pain in the beginning. I successfully nursed exclusively for 18 months, and I found it to be completely easy & non stressful. For me it was really, really hard to get to that point though. Just know that if you’re serious about wanting to do it, it does get better if you stick with it. Relax. If you think anything is wrong, go to the doctor. If your baby is gaining weight and thriving, it’s all good. Best wishes, I’m sure everything will work out just fine!
As so many others say – if she’s got enough wet diapers, she is fine! She will let you know if she’s hungry.
feed on demand, whenever she is hungry and you will keep up with her needs. Hopefully the gassy at night will stop!
I was thinking about it tonight – breastfeeding for us didn’t get easy until about 10 weeks, but my baby was colicky and I had overactive let down, so she choked and yelled at my boob because she was so gassy and upset. Now I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It is our life-saver! Baby will let you know – if she’s gaining, she’s good!
PS – Have you tried block-feeding yet? I just read your foamy frothy poop comment about Kara’s howling. That was Kate and is for sure foremilk-hindmilk imbalance rather than a dietary intolerance. Don’t cut out foods until you try block-feeding for a week!
It took me until 5-6 weeks to let go of the breastfeeding worry. Then around 4 months my supply tanked and the worry came back. I had to make myself relax and remind myself over and over that things are Ok. Keep a mental tally of how many wet diapers your baby has in a day and just try and enjoy that sweet baby
I went to a breastfeeding support group before my baby arrived, and those moms all had the same worries and problems, and I think that primed me for knowing that it wasn’t going to be easy in the beginning. I kind of expected it to be hard at first, so I wasn’t surprised when it was.
I do have to say that I was so determined to make breastfeeding work that I was pretty calm about it. I threw out the schedule I got the second we got home, L was happy (although pretty gassy) because he was fed on demand and thriving, and I felt like I didn’t need to keep track: he was nursing every half hour, what was there to keep track of?
Glad to read that this time is easier. It’s understandable that you are nervous based on your first experience, but I hope you will be able to relax and just enjoy this wonderful time.