Before I had Fern, I was kind of a baby hater. OK, make that really a baby hater.
I was never one of those girls who squealed at the very sight of a chubby, pink-cheeked baby and I definitely never wanted to hold them. In my eyes, babies were basically little blobs that did nothing but eat, sleep, poop and cry.
You may be wondering why I ever had a baby in the first place then. Well, I always wanted to be a mom and to have kids … kids over the age of 3. Any age over 3 and I’m golden; I was a preschool teacher before I was a stay-at-home mom, so I really do love children. But, I was kind of terrified about what I would do with a baby.
But, then Fern came along…
I slowly fell in love with her during my pregnancy, but I was still scared about what to do once I brought her home. How was I going to be a mom to a real-life baby? I was so excited when I first laid eyes on her and snuggled her in the birthing tub. But, was it that overwhelmingly smitten feeling that many moms talk about? No. I knew I loved her, but I didn’t feel “in love” if that makes sense.
We brought her home and the early days were rough. We struggled like crazy figuring out breastfeeding and there were days when I would just cry and tell my husband I didn’t think I even liked our baby and I felt like a horrible person. He was sweet and encouraging and told me that I was a good mom and that it was just the situation that was overwhelming, but that we’d get through it. And he was right. Once we got the hang of it, it was like a fog lifted. I was able to see clearly just how amazing this little person was and I feel deeply, head-over-heels, in love with her.
Now I can’t imagine my life without Fern. She makes me smile all day, every day and I am continually amazed by all the things she is learning and doing and by the way she experiences the world. She is teaching me so much!
And the kicker? I actually like other people’s babies now too!
I didn’t realize it until the other day, when after showing him a photo of my friend’s cute baby on Instagram, my husband said, “Dude! You totally love babies now — weird!”
So, I guess I’ve been turned from baby hater to baby lover. Thanks for giving me a change of heart Fern.