Do You Let Your Baby ‘Cry it Out?’ New Research Suggests You Shouldn’t
Human babies are hardwired for near-constant holding, according to new research
Crying it out. It’s the thing that allows so many moms to catch some shuteye, shower, eat a meal with two hands or even just got to the bathroom. The baby will survive, right?
Well, it’s actually kind of wrong. A new article in Psychology Today (via Yahoo Shine) based on research from Harvard and Yale medical schools suggest that when babies are stressed, their bodies release a hormone that can damage or destroy part of their tiny, still-developing brains.
Go ahead. Chew on that piece of information and then, yes, cry it out.
The report talks about how babies “crave the physical connection that comes with a cuddle.” Many sleep experts have long advocated for the “cry it out” method whereby parents try to get their babies to learn to self-soothe instead of rushing to pick them up when they’re crying.
As it turns out, however, some now believe that crying it out is less about establishing independence and more about making nighttime easier for parents. Allowing a baby to cry, it seems, can actually lead to a “lifetime of harm.”
“A crying baby in our ancestral environment would have signaled predators to tasty morsels,” writes Darcia Narvaez, an Associate Professor of Psychology and Director of the Collaborative for Ethical Education at the University of Notre Dame. “So our evolved parenting practices alleviated baby distress and precluded crying except in emergencies.”
The bodies of stressed babies release a hormone called cortisol, which can lead to the higher probability of ADHD, poor academic performance and anti-social tendencies. Human babies are meant to have their needs met quickly in order for their brains to properly develop, the new research suggests.
Does this change how you might think about or deal with your crying baby? And does that make you want to cry?
Image: Wikimedia Commons
Which new research is that? A new ARTICLE siting the same old not relevant research (studies on babies in abuse/neglect situations or babies predisposed to crying) and the same old opinions not backed by science.
You’re welcome to your belief that CIO is harmful but you might want to read a little more carefully before claiming the matter is settled.
@Meagan – Where, exactly, does it say the matter is settled?
I’m a mom of four (7, 5, 3, 1) so I’ve had lots of experience with sleep methods. I think there is a difference between cry it out and fuss it out.
With my first we were the parents that did not want the baby to fuss and soothed him to sleep for naps and beds. We’d rush to his every peep. I would rock him to a deep sleep, then move him to his crib. Suddenly I found myself still doing this at 21 months old! He would NOT to sleep unassisted. That’s when baby #2 arrived. We kept it up 2 more months (didn’t want to make a drastic change when the baby was first there) but when #1 was about 23mo we did the CRY it out. It took 3 nights and then he happily went to bed on his own from then on.
Lesson learned. With the next three we found a compromise. From the start we’d let them fall asleep on their own in their cribs. I’d say in the first 3 months it was 50/50 — half the naps would be on our laps and the others we’d have a cuddle but then put them in their beds awake. They would fall asleep without much trouble. About 4mo on then they were all in thier crib, on their own. We established a routine and there would be cuddle time, but we’d make sure to lay them down awake and play their music box every time. As they got older, sure there were times they’d “fuss it out”…. more like a slight compaining cry, but never an all out upset, hysterical cry. If they were crying that hard I’d go in and see what was wrong. Most times the “complain cry” would last 5minutes tops and then they’d self sooth sleep. All three of them eventually took to blankie/lovey/finger sucking by about 6 months. I don’t think our style harmed our kids in any way.
It makes me want to cry for all the babies whose parents have fought their protective instincts because they believed they were doing long term good.
So basically collicky babies who cry inconsolably for hours are going to be screwed up regardless of how much their parents try to soothe them. This is what I’m reading.
Oh, and that article isn’t bringing any new study to light. It’s just an opinion piece based on very old research that was mostly conducted on Romanian orphans.
Many parents claimed that babies “learned to self-soothe” by being left to cry-it-out. What babies actually learn is that they are on their own and they better find a way to deal with it. As a parent of a 18-month old who tried cry-it-out around 6 months, I am now adamantly against it. I fought every single instinct in my body when I did this and it didn’t even work. I actually believe that our trials with cry-it-out led to my child still having sleep problems. I believe he felt abandoned and very scared at night and that he, sometimes, still does, even though we co-sleep and meet his needs now. When there are two choices, with one being meet your infant’s needs (and, yes, comfort and not being alone are VALID needs for an infant, just as valid as hunger, etc.), and another choice being ignore your child, the choice seems clear. The time in our lives when our babies our small is relatively short and I wish that we could see that, and make the sacrifice of less sleep. There are many other ways to work towards better nights of sleep for the family than CIO. I will never do CIO with any future children and wish that our society didn’t pressure parents so much to fight our gut instincts.
@Taylor, YES!
You know this article is AWESOME. I have struggle with many tired nights, but never allowed my babies to cry it out. It’s nice to know that my conclusions have been validated. It wasn’t easy but I wouldn’t have had it any other way and this article makes me feel like I did the right thing.
I don’t fault any mother who has let a baby cry it out. I understand that every baby is different and every mother is different. However, so many times I think that moms have been convinced to go against their natural instincts by the feber method moms. I’m glad I didn’t and I’m glad to see someone writing about the other side of the story.
Thank you Snakecharmer, what I got from this was that my 3 month old son, Colic McCrankyPants, is doomed.
Are you for real? The tone alone makes you sound like a joke. You’re not trying to help anyone, you’re trying to shove your point of view down others throats and past yourself on the back for what a better parent you are then the rest.
Gold star, lady. You are a piece of work.
I was all for soothing my son to sleep and comforting his cries until he started waking up every hour and didn’t know how to get back to sleep without a repeat of our elaborate nurse/swaddle/jiggle/shush/pacifier ritual. Then we let him cry while frequently checking on and reassuring him, and yes, he did learn that he was on his own — on his own to drift off to sleep, though mom and dad were still there for any needs he couldn’t manage on his own. It was hard to make the leap but I think it improved the quality and quantity of his sleep, which is also important for developing infant brains.
This is crazy! Like others have said, so colicy babies are going to be messed up? If you let your child SCREAM for hours yes he’s going to have problems, but most likely because your a not so good parent in general. If you let your child fuss or whine for a few minutes so they can learn to self-sooth and then cuddle, play, and love on them while they’re awake they will be JUST FINE. Several studies have shown that brain growth occurs the most while babies sleep so how is it not harmful to allow a child to wake up 10 times a night for two years? I let my daughter CIO and she is amazing! She’s slept through the night since 3 months old, is happy, cuddly, SO social, and very smart, she’s not even a year and already says three words clearly, almost has tree, balloon, and santa, jibers all the time, waves, points, high fives, and waves bye. She has hit every developmental milestone on time or early (and she was a little premature so technically all her milestones were reached early) and her hight and weight continue to move up appropriately with age. I am a behavior analyst and work with people with developmental disabilities so I have done several developmental checks on my daughter such as the Carolina Curriculum and she has always scored at or above age appropriate level. CIO is NOT harmful.
Colic is crying from pain, not from fear and a sense of abandonment. Different kind of crying, different chemical response.
When my son cries at night we do 3 steps: Step 1 – pacifier, if he spits it out and still cries…Step 2 – bottle, we put him back in the crib and if he still cries (like within an hour or so)….Step 3 – CIO. At least we can say with confidence that all his physical needs are met. His physiological (sp?) needs might not be (he might need cuddle time or something of the like), but I do think that he needs to know the difference between night time and play time. And we rarely get to Step 3
Actually, in the original article in Psychology Today, the author does not differentiate between CIO and colic. Colic is referred to with quote marks around it and is chalked up to parents who need to be educated. Her point of view is that any crying needs to be stopped immediately or risks posing harm to children.
The only research she refers to in the article is a study on neglected rats. And she circularly refers to her own vague “posts” (not research) as back ground information. I’m not saying that there isn’t research to back her up, but the article says nothing new.
I absolutely hate to hear my daughter cry, but having it not happen at all is just not possible. I’m just doing the best I can and trying not to feel any guiltier than I already do – as each new expert tells me I’m screwing up my child for life.
@IMOGEN….very well said!!
When it is bed time we put our daugther in her crib and most of the time she drifts right off to sleep, but when she doesn’t we let her CIO. Before I let her CIO I ask myself three things 1. Is she hungry? 2. Is she wet/dirty? 3. Is she hurt in any way? If no is the answer to all three, then we let her CIO. It usually lasts no longer than 5 minutes.
I will say that I rarely (if ever) let my daugther CIO during the day. I really only use the CIO method to help her learn to soothe herself to sleep.
K: which study are you referring to that colic is a pain issue???? The last time I read anything about colic and the causes, they had NO CLUE what causes it. There are a whole host of possible reasons why baby cries inconsolably that fall under the umbrella term ‘colic’ but there is no ‘cure’ for it.
I’m sorry, this is BS. Obviously you don’t want to subject your baby to long, sustained, so-powerful-he-chokes crying indefinitely. But the basic CIO methods advocated by experts? VERY different from the type of crying the research that this article is relying on studied. So let’s not tell parents they are bad parents, or make them feel guiltier than you already do.
This blog post is irresponsible, unfortunate, mean spirited, ill-researched, untrue, and should be taken down. I’m going to complain to babble. I’m all for people having spirited debates and presenting different points of view. However, presenting misleading information and deliberately trying to make parents who let their baby CIO feel bad is horrifying and inappropriate.
My mother let us CIO. We turned into a family of well loved high achievers. Not neurotic. Happy, healthy, and highly successful. All with advanced degrees and stable marriages and great relationships with our parents. Gee, if only she hadn’t let us cry for 10 minutes when we were 6 months old maybe we’d have found the cure for cancer by now.
This is such an unfortunate/patronizing tone. The research here is not new, nor is it based on anything resembling the way infants are actually let CIO responsibly. True, it does not work for all parents and all babies. However, please don’t judge what might work for other parents and babies. My son sleeps. He didn’t sleep before. Sure, that’s convenient for me, but you know who it’s even better for? Him. He needs to sleep to grow, and before we ferberized he was waking up all the time no matter what we did. Now he only wakes up once or twice. I feed him once, and if he wakes up another time he gets himself back to sleep within 5 minutes.
Thanks for all of the thoughtful comments and discussion. To those mentioning a mean spirit or tone in the post, please let me know to what you are referring, exactly, since there isn’t actually a trace of my opinion in there.
Please carefully look at what @Shelagh said — I was coming to say the same thing after a co worker started freaking out about this post.
There remains extremely limited research that responsible CIO causes any long-term (or even short term, frankly) harm to human babies that are otherwise loved and showered with affection.
I know this is a blog, and Babble is not responsible for the opinions/comments of its bloggers. However, the people Babble entrusts to blog should be extremely careful about presenting things like this as facts, or using patronizing tones like this. Parenthood is hard enough as it is, and shouldn’t websites like this be safe spaces? You absolutely do not have to let your baby CIO (and shouldn’t, if it makes you uncomfortable). But the tone here is quite unfortunate.
While I co-sleep and do not let my baby cry at night, I don’t think that sleep training is all bad. I think that there is a difference between the Ferber method of CIO and the “abandonment” CIO that can cause a lifetime of issues. IMO it is a form of abuse to leave children alone to scream and sob for a long period of time, especially tiny babies. It is different if you are there *trying* to comfort them (like with colic), or if you just let them “fuss-it-out”.
I feel like I’m in the Twilight Zone. To what “patronizing tone” are you referring?? Nothing has been presented as fact! Everything has been couched with the word “suggest.” It’s just a post talking about the findings of a new study. I promise you that when I express my opinion, there will be no mistake about what my opinion is. This is definitely not one of those times. Trust me.
Haaa. You are brave to bring this up at all! Sleep is definitely one of those things that causes everybody to get their backs up.
Study or no study, I don’t believe in letting my baby cry it out because it goes against every gut instinct I have. The google and the internet and Sears and Ferber is all well and good, but at the end of the day I’ve got to trust myself. For me, that means being there for my kid when he cries, whether that’s in the middle of the night or the middle of the afternoon. When it happens I’m not thinking about how this might be the key to straight A report cards, I’m thinking that I’m his mom and I’m supposed to be there when he cries. If not me, then who?
I don’t necessarily think that the tone was condescending, but I don’t agree with how the story is being presented.
There is no new scientific study.
There is an opinion piece, based on previous studies of abused and neglected babies, some of which aren’t even human babies, that was published in Psychology Today. I encourage everyone to check out the original story that has raised such a furor: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out The addendum to the article is pretty interesting.
I just think that the original article – and all of the subsequent ones – really need to be taken with a large grain of salt.
You know what’s also bad for babies? Stressed out parents who become seriously and dangerously sleep deprived to the near point of psychosis.
Yeah. I’m all about “Don’t Cry It Out”, cortisol, stress for infants, etc….
And I’m all about “try to wait until you have the perfect family and life situation before you have sex and have a kid”….
And I absolutely love scientific information from strong, peer-reviewed studies.
What I would love even more is that anyone who has a strong, negative judgment against good people trying to do their best in a new and stressful situation, would be for the judgmental to turn their frowns upside-down and offer their time and help to new parents. I know a lot of people get a real thrill telling others how they excelled as parents, even if being a good parents meant sacrifices to the point of martyrdom. But that’s not they way it was always done, either. Parenting is and always has been a hard job; but it was done within a community and with a lot of help from the community.
So yes, new parents should prepare themselves for the long years of infanthood, toddlerdom, and teenage days and learn how to tighten the belts on their own physical, emotional, and psychological wants and needs, BUT, for cripes sake, what most new parents need is help, not judgment.
Right now, I bet there is a new parent on your block who could use two hours of sleep in a row. Go. Help them. Juggle their baby for a bit, Auntie and Uncle, so they don’t have to let baby Cry It Out.
I am the mother of 20 year old identical twin girls and an 18 year old autistic son. I didn’t let any of them cry. My autistic son screamed 24/7. He would sleep for 30 minutes and cry for 2 hours. This went on for 2 1/2 years. I didn’t know at the time that he was autistic and this was one of the symptoms.
I nursed him, rocked him, walked him, and slept with him. Nothing helped, but I didn’t give up.
He is very close to me and still looks to me for security. Many autistic children never learn to bond. My son hasn’t bonded with anyone besides my sister and me, but he is bonded. I believe that would not be true if I had let him cry it out.
I am now helping to raise my granddaughter. She is 20 months old. I attend to her when she cries and I sleep with her when she is scared. She knows that I will always be there for her and she comes to me when she needs security.
Every family has their own way of doing things. I have learned that works for one family doesn’t work for another. Autism has taught me many lessons. One is not to judge and the other is every family is doing their best.
Let’s all just help each other get through this maze.
Sherri
i am so happy this study came out. It supports my natural instincts as a mom and makes me feel I am doing the right thing as I have always comforted my baby to sleep and back to sleep again and again at my own expense. That is what being a parent is about, right? Its putting your baby 1st 24 hours a day. It hasnt been easy by any means but i am glad that I now have research to back me up when I try to explain to other moms, my parents, friends, and even our pediatrician why I will never let my baby cry it out.
Meredith — where you say “Well, it’s actually kind of wrong” instead of saying, “according to this article, it’s kind of wrong,” you set the entire tone of the post to be, “here are some new, indisputable facts that I am presenting to you.”
@Gena — I would argue that when “kind of” precedes anything, it can hardly be considered indisputable.
This is a great study, it is just too bad that parents new books and studies to tell them how to care for their children, use your natural instincts. You are rejecting your child when you let them “cry it out”. We are mammals if other mammals reject their young the way our society dose, they would die.
Seriously people? We are getting angry about this subject as though everyone who has let their baby cry was neglectful? And to those who have 2 year old sleeping with them, really? Good luck with that.. Eventually they ares going to have to cry it out because you have coddled them for so long. I waited until 8 months and now my daughter won’t really sleep on me anymore.. She crys for about 3 minutes and then falls over asleep. A lot of times she doesn’t fuss for 20 seconds before falling asleep. Researchers are also saying lettuce isn’t good for you, eating fruit while prego can cause ADHD, and that if you feed on demand your baby probably isn’t eating enough. Go with what works for your child and you and stop attacking other moms because they do it different.
For the record, I do not let my baby cry it out. However, it is poor and irresponsible journalism to report that there is “new research” about the issue. If you actually read the article in Psychology Today (which you should have linked to, rather than to a yahoo summary of the article), you will see that it is an OPINION piece. There is no “new resarch.” In fact, the author cites to old research.
Everyone is entitled to there own opinion……my lil one was colic & when she cried I would hold her and try to soothe her……now she is just about 6 months so no more crying fits & she is just fine……she sleeps in her crib all night….if she wakes up we give her…..her bottle and she goes back to sleep & is very happy! I think what they mean is if you leave a screaming child alone in there crib in there own room this will trigger the hormone to release because they are “alone” & scared…..they want to be comforted by there parents who they feel safe with not alone in a dark room…..just my opinion…..
With respect, because I do know how we can unintentionally convey opinion, your tone does seem to support one side of the issue:
“The baby will survive, right? Well, it’s actually kind of wrong.”- This seems to imply that if you let your baby CIO, they might perish. The research says nothing of the kind.
“Go ahead. Chew on that piece of information and then, yes, cry it out.” This sounds combative.
“As it turns out, however, some now believe that crying it out is less about establishing independence and more about making nighttime easier for parents. Allowing a baby to cry, it seems, can actually lead to a “lifetime of harm.”
This quote is from the author of the Yahoo brief, not the researcher. It also seems to imply that any parent that might let their child cry, is doing so only for selfish reasons. I don’t think any parent can listen to their child’s unhappy cries and not feel compassion. I have to assume that all of use are just trying to do right by our children.
This is the danger of quoting a source, of a source of a source. If you used mostly the Yahoo shine report for your article, then you are looking at a report, about an editorial that’s based on older studies, the earliest of which is 2006.
I don’t think that your intentions were to portray a specific point of view, but the tone really was slanted.
On the issue itself, we split the difference. We will let her fuss for a while, but won’t let her cry indefinitely. We attend to her needs, but we also will let her fuss. If I didn’t, she would never nap (she sleeps well at night). This has been in consultation with our pediatrician. So, I think that CIO without careful oversight (a child should not be left to scream for hours without being held and comforted, even if they do continue to cry) can be damaging, so can not allowing children to develop their own self-soothing skills.
The author of the article which reports the study has some serious logic issues. If we take her at face value, then there would have been evidence of mass epidemics of these developmental problems in huge numbers across the population for at least 100 years. Allowing children to cry has been something people have done since Victorian times, where touching children when they cried was considering something that would weaken them (which of course is no longer done nor should be). If CIO was truly going to damage brains to the extent the researcher implies here, then we’d have legions of people being unable to operate in society.
While it is good to talk about different tactics, and certainly reviewed research is welcome, I would go back to the original resource whenever possible to ensure impartiality.
regardless the research or lack of i am wondering how parents can be so cruel to let their baby cry on their own, shut off your brains and what you read in books for a minute and put you selfish need for a rest aside (and i know what i am talking about, i have a high need baby) and think about this little, helpless creature lying there alone, crying for help,
how would you feel lost in the woods, alone and unsure of your future, i think a backpack of food, warm cloth and a role of toiletpaper wouldn’t do much to help you ease your fears
and by the way going in to reassure your baby doesn’t help at all, only after one year is your baby able to keep the picture of you in his head, before that you are out of his mind the minute you leave his sight and he is all alone again
VERY CRUEL METHOD
I think the sense that an opinion is being posted by the writer comes through in the first paragraph when the ‘reasons’ parents undertake CIO are given. I think most parents genuinely do believe that they are ‘training’ their child to sleep on their own for the benefit of the overtired baby who needs to constantly be soothed to sleep, rather than doing it for the benefit of the parent (sleep, time to themselves, etc.). Parents don’t think ‘oh, my kid will at least survive’, they give CIO a lot of thought and commit to undertaking the training because they think it is for the good of the child! Also, my browser tab says “Letting a baby ‘cry it out’ can lead to longterm problems” – “can” not “may”.
At the same time, I think some people are getting a bit too defensive – again, CIO is very difficult and parents give it a lot of thought so it’s just disturbing to hear that it could be harmful to the child.
There is a big difference between being alone in the woods and being alone in your own crib and your own home, with your parents in the next room checking on your periodically. People always think the parents are snoring happily in their beds while their babies wail plaintively in the dark – couldn’t be farther from reality.
CIO worked for us – our daughter is happier and better rested as a result of it. Sure, it’s great for us to also get decent sleep but that’s not why we did it – I was ok getting up a couple times a night but the baby was becoming overtired.
@ A I completly agree with you…. I honestly can’t understand how any parent mostly a mother can stand to hear there child cry rather it hurts them or not I have a almost 1 yr old that is the light of my life and her docotor told us to use the cry it out method when she was 6 months old I couldn’t my gut simply didn’t feel right now that she is almost 1 she’s happy and will lay down drink her bottle and is out in no time at all and I have no problems with her It’s my job as a parent to be there for her and I will never let my child feel neglected in any way shape or form…… In my own opinion I beleve the world is as messed up as it is because parents think its ok let em cry it out and then they do grow up all messed up
What everyone is failing to mention is the child’s needs vs the child’s wants. If the child is not hungry, hurt, sick, ect but they are tired then they need sleep. As a parent your job is to attend to their needs. If a few minutes of crying gets them much needed sleep then I’m all for it. Lack of sleep can cause all the same problems this article sites. My son sometimes fusses before a nap but wakes up happy, excited and ready to learn and play. I know several parents who did not leg their kids CIO and now have 13 year oles who don’t sleep through the night and who sleep in their bed. Whether you let your kid CIO or not I’m sure everyone is trying to be the best parent possible.
I’m a mother to a 4 mo old boy, and I’ve never NOT soothed his cry… Whether its the “fussies” before falling asleep, or that he’s upset because he’s in the carseat- which are the only reasons he’s ever cried. I hold him close in my arms and tell him I’m always here and will always protect him- and I will.
Not soothing a baby goes against every fiber of my being. I am disturbed that there are babies who are crying and being ignored in hopes that it helps them … So sad.
What helps is white noise like ocean waves …
Btw my son lays down at 9:45 pm and wakes at 8:30 am everynight starting a month ago – Im convinced it’s because he knows I’m always here – so he is safe to sleep all night.
This is the trouble with the current “parent culture”- it’s so polarizing. There are people here villainizing parents for whatever they do. Let your child cry, and you’re a selfish witch who wants to sleep and watch movies while the child suffers. Soothe every cry and you’re a clingy helicopter mother whose children won’t be able to open their own yogurt, tie their shoes and will be living with their parents for the rest of their lives. All of these posts end with some sort of announcement about just how much these mothers love their children and how sad it is that there are children out there who are not loved as much as their children are.
This is sad. With the exception of sick people who intentionally abuse their children, I think we should all agree that all of us have the best interest of our children at heart and that we love them fiercely. Kids are resilient, and not every tactic works with every child. I am all for a sharing of parenting techniques, and even debating and discussing the science of childcare, but can we not couch this in a “OMG I can’t beleive you don’t do this” or “anyone who does it differently from me hates their kids” framework?
Civility is important, as is respect. These are things we should demonstrate and teach to our children.
Meredith,
You seem so confused about why your ton was perceived as patronizing. Saying things like “Chew on that piece of information and then, yes, cry it out.” Also, saying that those who do cry it out and thought it was harmless were “actually kind of wrong” is also perceived as judgemental. I see that you were trying to relay the facts as you read them, but as others said in previous comments this “research” is NOT new. Actually, as an individual who studied psychology and has access to great databases with great research, there are just as many studies that indicate that there are NO long term side effects from CIO. Most of this “research” is actually a meta-analysis, and no new research has been done in a very long time.
This is a subject people are very passionate about. Vaccines, CIO, and spanking are generally taboo topics, just FYI. Expect to get rude responses if you have not THOROUGHLY researched both sides of the argument.
I implore everyone who thinks is is a good “study” (usually because they can’t distinguish between a real study and an opinion piece; Narvaez’ screed is most definitely the latter). to go to the original PT post and have a look at the comments section. There are several professionals, some with Ph.D’s as well, rebutting Darcia Narvaez’ “facts”.
As someone pointed out above, Narvaez is using her blog to pursue her own personal parenting ghosts; she doesn’t seem to have any children of her own to administer a dose of reality into her prescriptions, either.
@Lisa, THANK YOU!!!
I got called an “a-hole” on another post because I mentioned I use the CIO method with my daugther. I was also told that I don’t care about my daughter. I had stated my opinion in a kind way, with no name calling. However, everyone else wanted to throw mud. I’m all for a healthy, respectful debate…however, it seems like there will always be people too immature to not name call, and say something to the effect of “you must hate your kid” Really?? I don’t think any of us who take the time out to read posts on a PARENTING BLOG really hate our children. I think it’s safe to say we all have our kids’ best interest in mind.
@ OWLISSA
It said nothing about colic. It said nothing about actively holding them and not being able to sooth them. If you do not have a sick baby and you go through all of the comfort measures, one of them WILL work…I swear. Five S’s ya’ll, look it up.
What this article is implying is that leaving them by their self to cry it out, or what I prefer to call it is scream it out, is detrimental. I believe it too. Think about it. For nine months they were both connected to you and inside of you. What makes any one think that a 4 week old or even a 4 month old needs to be “trained” to self-sooth when all they need is MOM or to be held? Being outside of the womb is foreign and scary. Going to them quickly to try to sooth them lets them know that you will be there whenever. Because, well…you will…or at least should try. Not forever, obviously, but for quite a while you will be.
If they are screaming, red, sweaty…gasping for air and you let them stay that way till they stop JUST to brush your teeth, its negligent IMHO. Your teeth can wait. They won’t fall out if you miss a brushing. I went 4 days without brushing mine when my baby was born. Guess what? They’re still in my mouth. Don’t want to skip a shower to sooth your baby? Well guess what, you’ll survive without that shower to try and sooth your baby. They don’t know your reasons as they lay there and scream their heart out and to think about how they must feel in those minutes tears my heart to pieces.
@ Lisa – Exactly! @ Heather I’m glad that you find something that worked for you and your child. CIO didn’t work for us. My almost 3 yr old still sleeps with us – because that’s what works best for everyone in our family – but that makes us “coddlers” and probably worse in the eyes of others. whatever….
@Lisa – Very good point! I think the author of this blog post needs to be sure that she is reading the original blog article and not some second or third party media filter to be sure that all the information is correct. For anyone who is really interested in following this debate online, please go to the original blog article published by Psychology Today and read some of the comments provided by Narvaez’s peers. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201112/dangers-crying-it-out/
Here’s also a very interesting blog rebutal: http://skepticalmothering.com/2011/12/13/the-dangers-of-being-insulting-and-misleading/
Well put @Lisa. Everyone wants to judge – we’re a diverse society thankfully, there are no hard and fast rules for parenting and we are all trying to do our best. There will always be medical studies and personal experiences to prove/disapprove popular parenting methods. We all just have to do what works for our own families!
@Lisa you are right and people shouldn’t judge others so harshly but we are talking about helpless babies here,
i don’t say that the mothers who try to sleep train their babies don’t love them but then again there are also a lot of parents who believe a clap here and there is only setting boundaries and not really harming the child, but if i see a parent hitting their child I would intervene too, because we are talking about helpless children and adults with a lot of power in their hands
and to my comment about being in the woods alone, again: your baby doesn’t know that you are in the other room, it doesn’t have the ability to remember your face or smell or touch as soon as you leave it alone (before one year of age when it slowly starts to learn this ability), so YES it feels completely abandoned and alone and scared, just like his natural instincts tell him to be, that why he is screaming his lungs out, to be heard!
I think that I would need to read the research reports cited in the article in order to form an educated opinion. Too often it seems like information like this is published in short, easy to digest “soundbites” that make something very complicated appear simplistic. I certainly understand why it happens–but it seems irresponsible because it needlessly provokes parental guilt.
Personally, I tried just about all the techniques that Elizabeth Pantley suggests in “The No Cry Sleep Solution” and they just didn’t work. Reading Dr. Ferber’s book was eye opening for me and I really began to feel that I was hurting my son’s development by not helping him learn how to fall back alseep by himself (the method worked really well for my older son). I have been following Dr. Ferber’s advice with my younger son regarding slowly increasing the period of time between feedings at night and am thinking of following his extinction schedule after my son’s night hunger is gone. I am left with a couple of questions in regard to all of this research. First, what is the definition of “cry it out” being used in the research and in the article itself? Dr. Ferber says in no uncertain terms that his method is not CIO and yet it seems like a few commentators feel that it is (maybe they haven’t read his book though–I had misconceptions about it prior to reading it as well). Also, if Dr. Ferber’s plan is considered CIO by the researchers does it matter how old a baby is when the plan in initiated? I’m assuming that parents would not start any sleep training until at least 4 months.
You know there is a difference between cry it out and abondment … I am the mother of three and I cuddled, napped, and yes co-slept with all of my children to a point. When they get to a certain age though they need to be sleeping on their own so I let them cry it out … Did I go up every ten minutes or so to sooth and pat them, yes I did! Did I sit beside them on the bed and rub their backs or pat them, yes I did. But I wasn’t going to pick them up and rock or co-sleep anymore, it was time for them to be on their own. It’s not like these cio parents just plunk their babies in a crib and walk away to leave them to scream for hours at a time … that’s abuse not cio!
I agree wholeheartedly with the above comments and couldn’t have said it better myself.