He Is Her Father… Not a Babysitter!
When my husband isn’t working, in class, or off fighting fires or cutting people out of cars… he is an awesome father. He loves all of the children with everything, and he is the biggest kid in the house. First thing after work he runs around with the boys like he is a toddler all over again.
Now that we have a baby in the house again, his first priority when he comes in the door is cuddle time before he takes off for his daily run around with the boys.
But something in passing conversation got me the other day. Next week I will have my 6 week postpartum check up and I will finally be cleared to go to the gym again… Yay!
Someone asked me if I will be getting a babysitter or if my husband will be babysitting the kids while I go… Uh… Last time I checked watching your own children doesn’t constitute as baby sitting! And why in such a progressive society are we still considering fathers babysitters when we should be considering them full time parents, just like the mother in most cases? Hell some men are stay at home fathers!
But it just got me thinking… how do you refer to your partner, or the father of your children when he takes on the role of the only caretaker while you are out of the home doing other things?
For us my husband has never considered himself anything less than a father, and full time parent, no titles of babysitter, or part time parent although he works outside of the home. He is fully capable of taking care of the children, including our youngest, if I pump a bottle of breast milk. I just don’t get why some look at it this way, or are even scared to leave their children with their partner!
I detest hearing people say “their father is babysitting”. You can not babysit your own children. When I’m out of the house the children “are being taken care of by their father”. Simple as that.
Yes! This drives me nuts! I’m expecting my first now, so we haven’t really fallen into a parenting vocabulary yet, but when we discuss the future we usually say that one or the other will “watch” or “take” the baby so the other can (fill in blank here), and those terms pretty much interchangeable for both of us. Although even saying “watch” seems a little weird to me.
When my husband stays at home with the boys, I usually say he is watching them or with them for the day. Like you say, he is their father, not their babysitter! They love spending time with Daddy since he works a lot during the week and I have absolutely no problem with Daddy being with both of them so I can get some me time. I never understood why some Moms refuse to leave the kids with Dad. I do have to admit he may not do everything the way I think it should be done, but everyone is always fine when I return.
I *HATE* this! I went to a MNO with out local play group a couple of months ago, when J was a few months old. “Where’s your baby?” the women asked. “Oh, I just fed him and he & his brother are home with Daddy.” I replied.
One of them women looked incredulous. “What is your husband doing with the kids?” she asked.
SERIOUSLY?! I was caught off guard for a second, before I told her he was doing just what I’d be doing: putting the boys to bed!
It really annoys me when dads are referred to as babysitters. Dads parent. I let a lot of things slide when I talk to folks but I always correct this one!
I agree 100%!!! In fact, I know someone who’s title rhymes with ‘rex rusband’ who told me I needed to figure out how I was going to pay for child care with the money from my new job (at the time), because he said, and I quote, “I didn’t know I had to be anyone’s babysitter”. Made absolutely no sense to me at the time, and I could never agree with Dad being ‘babysitter’, so my view still stands. Daddy is DADDY! Sorry for the rant :-/, but this post is EXACTLY how I’ve felt since becoming a mom….
Amen! A friend of mine from college posted on his facebook that he was “babysitting the kids” while his wife was out with her friends. I had to give him grief about it. My husband and I are a team. We call the babysitter “The Babysitter” and when one of us is out, the other is “At home with the boys”.
I agree 100%. When I’m at dance class, or having a mommies night out with friends, my kids are just at home with Dad. He’s been unemployed for awhile now, so he is also a stay-at-home-dad caring for our almost 8-year-old son and 5 month-old daughter while I am at work full-time. The babysitter is where the kids go on Fridays so my hubby can get some real job-searching in, or the teenager who comes over for the occasional date night. The only time I ever refer to my husband as a baby-sitter is when my friend and I leave him with all 4 of our kids so she and I can have a quilting day at her house in peace, and that’s only because half of the kids he’s watching aren’t his.
I’ll admit I made exactly that mistake once! I called my BFF and her husband answered. She was at the gym, he said. “Oh,” I said brightly “And you’re babysitting!” He shot back “Around here, we call it parenting!” Ouch! I am now careful to simply say that my husband is “with” the kids when I’m not home.
Agree 100%!! But what bothers me even more than people referring to the dads as babysitters is when people TREAT them like babysitters! There are a few blogs that I (used to) read where the moms treat the dads like they are incompetent…don’t allow the dad to develop his own parenting style, second guess, or leave detailed instructions like he is the babysitter. My husband and I are in agreement on the big issues of parenting (how to discipline, for example), but other things we do our own way. I know that R’s day with his dad is going to look a little different than his day with me, and that’s okay.
Maybe you should be paying him $8/hr for his work? Just be sure to leave your emergency number on the fridge and tell him no boys over to the house!
My hubby is (temporarily) a stay-at-home dad while I work. I’ve gotten the babysitter comment from several people. I corrected them gently but firmly. Watching your own children is parenting, not babysitting.
He got really irritated when I told him about it, too. His thoughts on the subject: “So when I get a job and you get to stay home, are they going to call what you do babysitting?” Exactly, dear. Exactly.
Piling on–I totally agree and absolutely hate the term “babysitter” to refer to a father. I also don’t agree with treating a coparent like a babysitter…although if my husband occasionally wants to leave me & the kids some cash for pizza on the way out the door, I won’t object.
As a stay at-home dad myself, I am all too familiar with this situation. Sometimes when I’m getting groceries, the checker will say something like, “Giving mom the day off?” It really gets to me. Thanks for the excellent post. I am always glad to see post like this to balance out the AHD persecution.
I’ve said my husband is keeping our children. But to us keeping is parenting. Babysitter? NO WAY that is offensive, and even my husband gets offended to that term. I’ve always trusted my husband with them. He has his way to parent and I have mine. (let me explain, the way he changes their diapers is what I’m talking about). I sing and he talks. I remember going to a mommy group with babies and the ladies trashing their hubbys because they did things differently. Of course they do, it’s the way they bond with their son/daughter. I would often say be careful with our child, hey but I did that to anyone including the doctor
I was over-protective and worried he’d get hurt. 
no parent, babysits.
Have you seen the facebook fan page “Its not called babysitting when your wife leaves you at home with your OWN kids!”? There are more than 350,000 fans. We wrote a post on this a few weeks ago, because my dad used to fall into the same trap and say something like this any given Saturday. http://www.sitterpals.com/blogmoredetails.aspx?blogid=29
It’s disgusts me when people refer to being a parent as baby sitting!!!
Daddy is NOT a babysitter, he is a father and so this means that there is no such thing as babysitting when he is home with baby!