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Toddler Sleep Training Cry it Out

Baby Sleep Training Re-examined

Does the cry-it-out method harm kids?

by Heather Turgeon


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Editors' Note: The debate over sleep training is making headlines again. In her new book First Year Essentials: What Babies Need Parents to Know, British parenting expert Penelope Leach claims that “crying it out" mentally damages babies. According to Leach, extensive crying can raise stress hormones like cortisol to the point where they are toxic to the developing brain.

To date, however, cortisol levels have only been shown to be damaging in cases of chronic stress due to abuse or exposure to violence — not isolated incidents as would be the case with crying it out.

To give you the full scientific picture, we're re-running this recent Science of Kids column. In the meantime, another study is in the works (according to this article), indicating that "controlled" crying it out is not damaging. Unfortunately, the article doesn't specify how long the "controlled" crying bouts were allowed to go. The argument will rage on.

Ignoring baby cries during sleep training is linked to all kinds of problems later in life — ADHD, antisocial behavior, lower IQ. At the root of these claims is the idea that the stress of crying and the absence of a responsive parent release intense levels of chemicals that alter a child's brain development. But is there scientific evidence to back this up?

It needs to be said from the outset that this is not a pro- or anti-cry it out article. How you approach sleep is as personal and complex as any aspect of parenting. And, rightly so, many moms and dads use their instinct as their guide. The intent of this article is to examine the evidence that distinct periods of children crying themselves to sleep causes long-term brain damage — a very serious claim that should not be tossed around lightly. Amid the intensity of the debate, it's often hard to see the science through all the emotion.

The work of big name researchers and clinicians comes hand-in-hand with the anti-cry it out stance. For example, UCLA researcher Dr. Allan Schore is often cited as showing that stress hormones like cortisol, released during intense crying, damage nerve cells in the brain, leading to unhealthy attachments and psychological disorders. He demonstrates that a repeated pattern of unmet needs disrupts a child's stress-regulating systems and can alter the way her limbic structures process emotion.

U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones.But Schore's research is actually about how trauma, chronic neglect, or abuse affects a small person. No doubt, if ignoring distress were your every day parenting philosophy this would apply, but sleep training against the background of caring, responsive parenting, does not. In fact, this is the case with a lot of sources opposing the cry it out method — the claims of brain, personality, and attachment damage come from research conducted with grossly neglected children (some studies use data from Child Protective Services cases) not healthy children with loving parents who let them cry for an isolated timeframe. It's worth noting that if it's crying we're worried about, the overall amount of crying involved in a well thought-out sleep-training program can be less than the sobs that many parents have reported when they go with a "no-cry" solution.

Another well-respected source that makes the rounds on the Internet is a list of studies put together by Dr. Sears that conclude crying it out is dangerous. There are too many to explain each here, but for example, one states that infants who cry excessively have a higher incidence of ADHD, antisocial behavior, and poor school performance. When you look at the original study, though, the crying clearly has nothing to do with sleep training. The study shows that extra fussiness and subsequent crying (regardless of what parents do in response) might be a symptom of an underlying problem that could come up later in life. Sears quoted another study as showing that crying early on makes a child fussy and emotionally unbalanced. Again, the actual study says that babies who already cry a lot might be showing early signs that they are slower to develop emotional control. None of the Sears studies listed shows negative consequences as a result of a structured sleep training program.

A Harvard study often surfaces in this debate to show that CIO is bad for baby. This is not actually an original research paper, but an opinion paper based mostly on anthropological studies of parenting practices. It describes how U.S. parents emphasize independence, while mommies from other cultures co-sleep and respond faster to their little ones. It does not have any data about sleep training.

Letting a baby cry while she learns how to fall asleep is not for everyone. You may have a philosophical issue with it, you may think it's not the right fit for your child, or maybe it just plain feels wrong to you as a parent. If this is the case, follow your gut and find your own path to restful nights.

But when science is used as a platform for criticizing sleep training -- citing the names of brain regions and neurochemicals -- it's misleading at best, and frankly feels like fear-mongering at worst. There will always be heated debate around this issue, which I think is healthy in some respects – we should be able to vet out and discuss our parenting dilemmas with each other. But remember we're talking about opinion and personal choice. Until there is more substance on this issue, let's leave science out of it.

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Bob Jun 20, 12:57 PM

@Elle - Could you enlighten us as to which studies cited by Dr. Sears SPECIFICALLY study the Ferber method? The whole point of the present article is to demonstrate that the vast majority of the studies cited by anti-CIO advocates have nothing to do with sleep training and often have nothing to do with sleep. Most of them have to do with bad effects of CHRONIC excessive crying and distress, which is what CIO is actually trying to PREVENT. Also, I'd recommend thinking through your analogies between adults and infants. Infants clearly cry in a lot of circumstances where adults don't, so it's disingenuous to assume that we can draw any conclusions about how an infant "feels" to cry before it falls asleep. As for the point that "they have no idea what's going on," that's certainly true. They don't really understand the concept of "self" versus "others" -- to an infant, a non-responsive parent that upsets them is almost akin to their own hand they can't seem to get into their mouth (which might also cause them to cry). They don't understand object permanence before about 9 months -- that is, EVERY time a person or object is out of the range of their senses, they don't know whether it continues to exist or will ever come back. Quite simply, their world is even more extreme than you make it out to be -- so extreme, in fact, that you simply can't map an adult experience onto it. Concepts like "abandonment" can't even make sense in this situation. But, as you said, they do respond to their environment, and after a few days, their primitive brains do a calculation that crying for long periods at bedtime doesn't get them anything useful for survival, so they stop. Under controlled circumstances, a few hours of crying may prevent hundreds of hours of future crying, fussing, etc. at bedtime. On the other hand, letting a baby cry every night for months is abuse, and it will have harmful effects, as the studies cited by Sears demonstrate. But those studies don't tell us anything about a few nights of CIO. It would be like citing a study on chronic binge drinking to decide whether or not to have an occasional glass of wine with dinner.

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Elle Jun 16, 11:41 AM

http://askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp Countless studies are finding various different, harmful effects, from the ferber method. But, let's look at this logically... if, as an adult, you were left alone in a room crying until you fell asleep how do you think that would feel? Lonely? Crying that hard, we all know, leaves us feeling bunged up, with an uncomfortable pressure in our heads and generally numb (a defence mechanism). When you're upset, for any reason, comfort makes you feel better... how many of us are better at comforting ourselves than our loved ones are? Babies are not capable of regulating their emotions, so every emotion is intense... joy, fear, sadness... all of these are distressing to an adult who understands what is going on and benefits from comfort. To a baby, it's traumatic because they're so deeply emotional and feel things so much more intensely AND they have no idea what's going on... they're alone, they're upset and nobody is comforting them, the warm mummy smell and soft body who cuddles them in the day (and comforts them successfully) isn't coming and that's just such a heartbreaking scenario, as a mother and human being, to picture. Eventually, as when adults cry themselves to sleep, exhaustion gets them in the end. And for those it has "taught" to settle faster, that's a learned behaviour. Babies pick things up, which is why they thrive on routine, but it's not a positive n this situation... they've been trained an the damage along the way has been done. Yes, the child might be happy and smiling the next day, well rested and so on... why wouldn't they be? You're there, they love you and they have no idea about intent. They don't know you meant to leave them to cry, so why would they blame you? Being happy and loved the rest of the time does not prove no damage has been done, nor does it limit the potential, because babies love you, unconditionally, until they know better.

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Estherar Apr 30, 2:02 AM

Thanks for bumping this article! I hadn't seen it before. The information within is doubly significant now that Penelope Leach has jumped on this particular pseudoscientific bandwagon. I would have expected her to know better, but now she's just another name (in addition to Sears, Commons & Miller, and Margot Sunderland) that people who are philosophically opposed to CIO can use as "proof" of their position, and scare parents out of using an often effective tool to help their baby fall sleep on his/her own. I've written critiques of both the Dr. Sears handout and the Harvard "study" on my blog, and came to much the same conclusions as Heather Turgeon. Esther http://mainstreamparenting.com

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Em Apr 27, 9:22 PM

Another CIO debate...yawn...doesn't Babble have anything else to offer anymore??

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Nina Apr 27, 9:05 PM

Gretchen- please don't be so judgmental. When my son was 5 months old, he contracted RSV. For two weeks, we gave him breathing treatments every four hours, around the clock. He slept either sitting up in his stroller beside our bed, or in bed with me while my husband slept on the pullout couch (because he had to work in the morning). We were so exhausted, we were going to sleep at 7:30pm, shortly after our son. After a month (he got a cold after the RSV) he had become conditioning to waking up every two hours. I was nursing him every time, because we couldn't let him cry-- it would make him cough and have more trouble breathing. Eventually, he recovered from all his illnesses. He was 6.5 months old. I was a wreck. My husband was a wreck. Our son was a wreck, because he was waking up all night, every two hours. So, in total desperation, I sleep-trained him. The first night, every time he woke up, I went to him, held him, rocked him, but didn't nurse him. He never cried, just went back to sleep as soon as I rocked him. The second night, I let him cry for 5 minutes, went and picked him up, rocked him, and put him back in his crib drowsy-but-awake. He cried for a minute, then went to sleep on his own. The second time he woke up, he cried for about 8 minutes. I went to him, rocked him, put him back in his bed. He cried for maybe 3 or 4 minutes and went to sleep on his own. The third time he woke up, he cried for a few minutes and went to sleep on his own. My son is now 5, and he has slept through the night every single night since that night. Our process was different with my other child, because we were never driven to such desperation. So, please rethink your absurd comment, that people who sleep-train before 1 are not parenting their child. It's insulting, which I'm sure was your intent, but realize the world is deeper, more complicated, and more diverse than you clearly can imagine. Compassion and humanity is what is supposed to unite us as parents, no?

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Just Ask Baby Apr 27, 12:41 PM

Not surprisingly the Cry It Out method has often been misunderstood as involving simply letting the baby cry until he or she goes to sleep. Although this progressive method may work for some infants there are other things to consider. First and foremost is the infant’s age. he second most important thing to consider is the uniqueness of each child. Read more about this in our latest post: http://www.justaskbaby.com/blogs/professor-elkind/cry-it-out

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JuniB Apr 27, 11:05 AM

I guess I don't understand why Babble keeps posting these articles about studies than does everything they can to undermine what the studies suggest. I suppose it's to appease everyone, but it makes it hard to take any article on this website seriously.

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amommynous Apr 27, 9:30 AM

Ahhhh Gretchen...how about you shut your judgmental trap and go be a mom somewhere else on the internet? The rest of us are trying to figure out a solution. Obviously, you have it all figured it out and have nothing helpful to offer us, the cruel ones who are having a hard time "sucking it up" because we haven't slept in around 18 months, and all we are going to do is cause you to spew ugly from your keyboard. So go on. No one will miss you.

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Gretchen Apr 27, 8:53 AM

Don't "sleep train" before a year old, please. It's futile and cruel. Suck it up and be a mom.

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kirstenA Mar 22, 3:51 PM

Thank you Heather, for another excellent article. I love the concept of the 'attuned' parent, as it reminds me of Donald Winnicott's original idea of a 'good enough' mother. By 'good enough' Winnicott believed that mothers were doing their infants a disservice if they responded too perfectly to their infant's needs, since a primary goal of infancy was for the young person to develop a secure sense of self, separate from the parents. As infants mature, sensitive parents learn to gradually reduce their responsivity to their infant's demands, while they gradually assert their own needs as parents. Through this process, the infant comes to understand him/herself as a separate individual -- but still sees the mother as someone he/she can rely on. Bowlby and Ainsworth developed similar ideas regarding the development of a secure working model -- which develops as a result of sensitive and predictable caregiving. I find it interesting that at no point did Bowlby or Ainsworth assert that particular parenting behaviors (e.g. sleeping in the parents bed) encourage a secure attachment. Nor is there any research evidence that I am aware of that demonstrates that Sears' model of attachment parenting results in a more securely attached child. As far as I'm concerned, the Sears methodology is a recipe for an enmeshed parent/child relationship (C baby!) -- which is not good for either the child or parent.

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abr0893 Mar 8, 9:41 AM

I am a mom to 3 kiddos: 2 yr old boy and 13 1/2 month old twins. I have struggled with how to get my kids to sleep through the night. I have sought the advice of other twin moms, family, friend, books and my kids PCP. I pretty much got different advice from the different people I talked to. People said pick what you are going to do and stick with it. I was going crazy with what option was the right option. I think my hUsband was ready to kill me for all the different things that i wanted to try. Finally, I ended up realizing that every person had valid points to their opinion and i just took what worked for my family and each child and I now have 3 kids that predominately sleep through the night. I think the biggest thing that parents don't do is trust themselves.

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Zuzelin Martin Lynch Mar 2, 11:49 AM

This is so hard. Cry it out or gentle approach with babies and sleeping?

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trust your instincts Dec 22, 3:03 PM

Debates like these are silly. As the author mentioned, parents should go with their instincts. If you think your baby needs you, go to him/her. If you think you have had enough and need some space, it is ok to let them cry for a while. How do you think human beings survived for so long? "Other culture" have infinite patience? Hardly. That is why both sides of the argument and the sleep experts, as well as the reliance on only positive anecdotes from other cultures is all so ridiculous. I mostly co-slept with my daughter for the first month (alternating with a swing/bassinet) and would often not wake up immediately if she were only whimpering. I also didn't like to nurse as long if in the middle of the night. It may have been luck, but she adjusted to 7 hours a night by 4 weeks old, then 12 hours by 6 weeks old. By 4 weeks we tried a crib in our room and she liked it,maybe because it was similar to sleeping in the middle of our mattress. I made sure to nurse her as much as she wanted during the day. Later she had periods of sleep regression and no amount of rocking would stop her from crying. She didn't like to be rocked to sleep, but fell asleep on her own. We also introduced one meal of solids at 5 months which helped. Again, responding to your baby and recognizing your limits is the smartest thing. It is unlikely that if your baby really needs you you will ignore her, so let them rest when you feel that they are frustrated and just need to sleep.

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SensibleA Dec 15, 1:37 PM

I agree that this was a level headed, yet frustratingly inconclusive article. What is the point of the article? It certainly doesn't help anyone determine a which method is right for them. The only use I see is that it may put the minds of CIO parents to rest. To anyone looking for a middle of the road solution: Secrets of the Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg is a great choice.

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kirstenA Nov 15, 5:56 AM

Hi:  I just wanted to chime in that this was an well-written article with a fair and accurate summary of the research literature.  As parents, we have a role in helping our children learn how to self-regulate, including their emotions (such as temper tantrums) and the ability to fall asleep.  Sleep training is one method of doing this and there is no valid evidence linking this to ADHD.  There is quite a bit of valid evidence to suggest that ADHD is related to genetic factors, however.  Impulsive behaviour is linked to both genetic factors and parenting strategies which make it difficult for children to learn how to self-regulate.

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CKReid Nov 9, 11:35 AM

Hi. As a mother of three, three words. Success at night is all about what you do during the day. Make sure the baby is fed regularly and not too often, not constantly. So he eats well at each feeding. Next, don't over use nap times but make sure the baby sleeps a very limited amount during daylight; depends on the age for how much. Next always get the baby up no later than 7 am. Builds a healthy respect for day time. If you don't do this then letting the baby cry is unfair to the baby and a little bit cruel. Because maybe he's got a legitimate gripe.

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juliet Nov 2, 6:22 PM

I think opponents of CIO are likening it to long-term abandonment, which--as another poster mentioned above--is an apples-to-oranges comparison. Crying it out should only take a few nights before the baby is falling asleep on his/her own; this is nothing like those babies who are left to cry in wet diapers for hours on end.

Our oldest daughter absolutely would not sleep if we were in the room--the fact is that she didn't want to sleep if we were around, because she wanted to play. If we stayed in her room, she would be up HOURS past her bedtime, and then the uncontrolled crying happened during the following day when we had an underslept baby on our hands.

We had amazing success with a middle-of-the-road option suggested by a child-psychologist relative as well as a close friend who is a pediatrician: We would put her down (after books, bottle, and hugs) and let her cry for 5 minutes, then go into her room and talk to her quietly until she stopped. Then leave and let her cry for 10 minutes, following the same pattern in 5 minute increments. The first night she fell asleep after the 15-minute cry, the second night after the 5-minute cry, and the third night, she cried for 2 minutes and then babbled and cooed happily for a few more minutes before zonking out.

This did not create an unhappy, stressed-out child--it created a much happier baby who was better tempered during the day, napped better, and ate better.

(The next baby fell asleep as soon as we put her down in her crib, any time... we always say we would have been thrown for a major loop if their birth order had been reversed!)

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Might Help Nov 2, 2:59 PM

For anyone reading this looking for actual advice, I have to say that Good Night, Sleep Tight worked wonders for us - and is a good balance of a little crying, but not so bad that it makes you feel like you are scarring the kid (although I think CIO is probably harder on moms than the kids).  Anyway, this is the one where you sit by the crib for three nights, let them cry and comfort them but don't pick them up, and then on the fourth night move your chair to the middle of the room, then on the seventh night to the doorway, etc. etc.  The first night was tough, but each night got easier and easier and we haven't had a problem since (2 years).  Of course, I think you should wait until the kid is ready for sleep training - whatever you choose.  We did this at like 6 months - I wouldn't have done it to a 3-month old.

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mbaker Nov 2, 7:03 AM

Our son slept in our room (I'm too light a sleeper to cosleep and get any sleep and my husband is too heavy a sleeper to safely cosleep) next to my side of the bed until he started waking up every time we turned over or got up to use the restroom.  He needed to get a decent night sleep again as did we.  We moved him down the hall to his room but his sleep patterns had already been disturbed and he kept waking up at night more often than he needed to nurse resulting in a cranky daytime baby.  We tried all sorts of gentle ways to get him to sleep more soundly but none of them worked.  Check and console for example only turned into check and enrage.  We tried CIO as a last resort.  It was tough at first but it worked like nothing else did.

Now that he's 2 1/2 years old he occasionally wakes up due to nightmares and I always go in there when he calls out to me since he's not allowed out of his room at night because our house is unsafe for a toddler to roam around in (2 staircases and he's the only one who sleeps upstairs).

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momto2 Nov 2, 12:51 AM

We tried co-sleeping with both our kiddos, and it didn't work out well with either of them. By the time he was 6 months old, our oldest wouldn't take a nap or go to sleep unless someone was laying down with him, and was mobile enough that I couldn't leave him on the bed by himself. Needless to say, I got tired of taking 2 "naps" a day and going to bed for the night at 8pm so he would be getting enough sleep. After 2 days of "crying it out" he was sleeping by himself in his crib without crying, and he never cried longer than 30 minutes before falling asleep. I was relieved!
We decided to try again with our second, but we put him in a bassinet right next to the bed. By the time he was 3 months old, he was waking up every time we moved. I couldn't get in bed and get comfortable without waking him up. After about a week, we decided to try putting him in his crib and seeing how he did in the room with his brother. He slept so well, even that very first night. We never had to cry it out with him, and by the time he was 6 months old, he was sleeping through the night.
I also agree with Voice of Reason -- do whatever you have to do to ensure your children get the proper amount of sleep for their age. How they get it really isn't as important as that they get it.

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Voice of Reason Nov 2, 12:19 AM

If only it were that easy LindaLu! LOL!  You have only one child, right?
 
I know people whose oldest child, like yours, learned to sleep through the night before she hit six months. They mistakenly assumed that this was the norm (it is not; only 10-15% of babies learn to sleep though the night in this way) and then, when their second child came along, they were tearing their hair out with exhaustion nine months later, still clinging to the hope that this problem would sort itself out. It, of course, never did. He's three now and rises at 5:00 am every morning. As far as I know, he's never had anything like the 12 hours of nighttime sleep recommended for children of his age.  It shows.

And that is what matters. I understand that parents are tired and I know how rotten that feels, but this is not about us as much as it is about learning, growing, developing babies who are not getting enough sleep, turning into learning, growing, developing and MISERABLE toddlers/preschoolers/children because they are not getting enough sleep.  

This is the conversation people who talk about co-sleeping vs. CIO don't seem to be having. If co-sleeping works, great.  If you have to CIO, so be it but, for the love of god, please stop pretending that a small child who sleeps for eight or nine hours is sleeping through the night! It's a bad joke. Children are not getting enough sleep and it is detrimental to their health, their disposition and their ability to learn. 

Check the guidelines and do what it takes to help your child learn how to sleep well.  Whatever you decide is the best course of action, it will be the lesser of the two evils.

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LindaLu Nov 1, 9:36 PM

I don't understand why the choices have to be so extreme.  Mine slept in her own crib, in her own room, from the first night we came home from the hospital.  But whenever she cried, I went in to see her and comfort/nurse her back to sleep.  As she got bigger, she woke up less frequently... We never had to CIO because after a few months she learned to stay asleep on her own.   Is it really so rare for people to choose a middle-of-the-road solution like that?

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chatty daddy Oct 31, 11:27 PM

I concur -- very level-headed assessment. The writer may have a slight co-sleeping leaning, as do I, but she pretty much cuts off the research attachment parenting gurus use to support their positions at the knees. The accusations of subtle judgment at the top are ridiculous, in my opinion -- this is the most devastating take on the research for the Dr. Sears camp that I have read.

Having said all that, I agree with the writers basic position that it's relevant to think about what has been natural for humans in the last several hundred thousand years of human evolution. Michael Pollan's book "omnivore's dilemma" and it's sequel make a great case that when you mess with the food (fruits vegetables and animals) that humans have been eating -- indeed that humans have co-evolved with -- for hundreds of thousands /millions of years, you do so at your own risk. After fully taking in his argument, i started buying organic (i was previously skeptical about the value add). Human evolution is a very sensitive and powerful thing, and our inclination to say we've grown smarter than all that in the last couple hundred years can be short sighted.

The same is true, in my judgment, about many habits of childrearing. If we strapped babies to our chests and carried them around with us for the first year after childbirth for most of recent human history, and slept next to them or in the same room / cave for most of human history (we haven't lived in multi-room dwellings for that long, evolutionarily speaking), then suddenly putting them in a nursery at the end of a hallway and letting them cry it out is probably going to subject little humans to a set of stressors that they did not evolve the withstand. Or it could anyway if its not a fast, easy process.


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ChiLaura Oct 31, 12:33 PM

Ali, a few nights of sleep training is ANYTHING LIKE a baby being abandoned in an orphanage. That's chronic deprivation. That's like comparing a pregnant woman taking an alcoholic drink here and there during the third trimester to a woman who has drunk enough to give her baby Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Apples and oranges. Like anonymom's child, my own still cry when they need me; they know that Mama is always near. And the elder one, especially, never *could* fall asleep if we were in the same room -- he's way too tuned in to what's going on around him, and he was too easily distracted. In fact, I almost feel like it's worse to stay in the room -- then your kid knows you're there, but sees you doing nothing to ease their crying. As many have said above, different kids need different things, and figuring that out is the really important part of parenting, NOT following a set of rules. Comparing judiciously-used CIO to abandoning one's kid to a third world orphanage is insulting and probably not so helpful to new parents out there trying to figure out what to do.

I also thought that this article was pretty level-headed, and I don't get the criticisms. Nice job to the author.

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Mama of Two Oct 31, 9:55 AM

Great article. Sleep training is a sensitive topic and this concisely and objectively captures the the main idea-- do what is right for your baby and YOU. There is no right answer but I appreciate not having opinions shoved down my throat for once on sleep training. As a mother to two great sleepers now, there are many variables to consider and no two babies are the same despite what your fellow Mama-friend  next door insists. Thanks Heather, for providing a cool headed survey of this hot topic. Refreshing.