I'm a HORRIBLE Mother
My Baby Sleeping on His Tummy
I let my baby sleep on his tummy.
*gasp*
Horrible. I told you. Here’s the thing, I’m guessing you may be a horrible mother too.
Do you lay a blanket over your baby at night?
Does your crib have a bumper?
You don’t dare ever co-sleep, do you?
All of these things are found in the NICHD’s recommendations for Safe Sleep.
There’s a big keyword there that everyone seems to ignore, RECOMMENDATION.
I’m tired of feeling like a bad mother becuase my instinct is to lay the baby down on his tummy. He’s more comfortable on his tummy. He spits up less on his tummy. He sleeps longer on his tummy. Why wouldn’t I let him sleep that way?
Being a parent is hard. We constantly get bombarded with information, opinions, and recommendations. Everything from breastfeeding to sleeping to carrier choices are up for debate.
I’m so tired of it. Aren’t you?
YES I am!!! We have to be congizant of what each baby or child needs, it can’t be universal as we are all different. I always say trust your instincts, they never fail !
I don’t necessarily disagree with you, but I think part of the reason they recommend against tummy time is BECAUSE babies sleep better on their tummies. All babies do, and the deeper sleep is thought to be related to SIDS. But since no one really knows what causes SIDS, it’s all just guesses.
For my own sanity I follow all the recommendations to the letter. I certainly would never say you or anyone was a bad parent for putting their baby on their tummy – for me I would be far more anxious than if I let my baby cry a bit more on her back. But that was with my daughter who didn’t have much trouble with anything as an infant so she was for the most part perfectly happy on her back. It’s yet to be seen how my second baby will be. I’m particularly worried about SIDS and it makes me feel so much better controlling the few factors that I can. I agree that there is a lot of unhelpful opinion/advice/rules out there on many parenting decisions that we all ultimately have to make for ourselves. I personally don’t count these recommendations as some of them, but we all make these decisions on balance and everyone’s balance is different. Which is I guess is your point!
Camden and Tanner both wanted to be on their tummies too early. So I set the intercom IN THE CRIB and had that alert on if the noise went below a certain sound level of breathing.
What drives me nuts is when “experts” change recommendations frequently. How are we supposed to know who to trust?! I let my daughter sleep in our bed with us and felt guilty, but it was the only way any of us got a decent amount of sleep. However I do follow a lot of recommendations because I would feel horribly guilty if something had happened that could have been prevented.
I didn’t put the little one to sleep on her tummy, but I sure used the bumper pads when she was an infant. When she’d wake up in the early morning hours, I also let her sleep on my chest, while I also slept. She would sleep longer and not need a feeding as soon. You know what else I do? I let her dip her bulgur veggie burgers in some sugary, salty ketchup (since she’ll eat them that way), sleep with a soother since it still comforts her and occasionally let her watch a few Baby Einstein videos in a row just so I can get some things done. So don’t you go thinking you can just steal my bad mother crown without at least letting me fight a little for it.
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I totally agree that we need to do what’s best for us without feeling like “bad” parents. Recommendations are just that–recommendations.
I do worry about SIDS, but it hasn’t stopped me from using crib bumpers. My daughter (now 4 mths) has been sleeping in her crib since she was exactly 1 month old. She’s always swaddled and she isn’t rolling over (yet). I like to think the bumpers give her a sense of comfort. I’ve also let her nap on her tummy; it’s more comfortable that way and we all grew up sleeping on our tummies. To me, it’s logical that IF she were going to spit up, better she do it on her tummy than her back. And in the first few months, we often let her sleep on our chests.
My first child slept great on her back. My second child slept for 1 hour and 45 minutes while on his back. At six weeks I flipped him on his belly and he slept for 6 hours! I was a new woman and bad, bad, bad mother. Who cares? I was nursing and now getting more than 1 hour of sleep at a time. It made me a better mother to my 3 year old and a better wife.
As soon as my son could flip over on his own, I started putting him down in his crib on his tummy. When Itried to put him on his back after he could flip, he would struggle and cry until he got on his tummy on his own anyway, so I figured I’d save us both the hassle.
Yes, I have bumpers in the crib. I use it mainly so the baby won’t see her sister when she goes by on the way to the bathroom. I think it makes her sleeping enironment more cozy too. It seems strange to me that the recommendation is not to use bumpers, yet bassinets and moses baskets which many of us use for our newborns have bumpers built in, and they are much smaller than cribs. The way I see it is that if bumpers were truly dangerous, they would be banned. As with all things, parents need to keep a close eye on their babies. If I do find my baby with her face smooshed into the bumper, I would take it out.
As for tummy sleeping, we started that with nap time when she was 4 months old as she would only get a good nap if she was held (she was a great night sleeper though). I went back to work then and the babysitter can not hold her at naptime. With our permission, she started napping on her tummy and we haven’t looked back. And now at 7 months, she prefers to nap on her side cuddling a lovie. And she still sleeps at least 10 hours at night on her back, though that might be over soon now she can roll both ways. I say follow your mommy instinct.
Sure, it’s your choice.
But it’s not about anyone making you feel like a horrible mother.
It’s about the statistics.
SIDS is “the second most common cause of death for infants less than one year of age, the first being congenital anomalies and short gestation/low birth weight as the leading overall cause of death for all infants under the age of one. Most deaths due to congenital anomalies and other causes occur during the first week of life, leaving SIDS as the most common cause of death during the post-perinatal period, between one month and one year of age, accounting for 35% of post-perinatal deaths.”
Furthermore, “Since 1992 when the American Academy of Pediatrics began a nationwide campaign recommending that parents put babies to sleep on their backs instead of their stomachs, the number of infants dying from SIDS has dropped 38%.”
Source: http://www.sidsfamilies.com/index.php?sec=sidsstats
It is totally your choice. Recommendations from NICHD and the AAP are based on the best data available at the time to help you keep your baby safe. Since the federal government initiated the “Back to Sleep” campaign in 1994, SIDS deaths have been cut in half. But, according to the CDC, infant suffocation is now the leading cause of death in infants with the rate quadrupling between 1994 and 2004. Many deaths that were once called SIDS, because of better investigations, are now being labeled as suffocation. Based on CDC data, there are 4,600 Sudden Unexpected Infant Deaths (SUID) in the U.S. every year. About half are determined to be SIDS, about 600 or so are determined to be a specific, non-SIDS/non-sleep-related cause. The rest (about 1,700), are mostly sleep-related and the babies are either bed sharing or are in a crib with blankets or other soft stuff–you can find the data here:http://www.slideshare.net/InghamGreatStart/infant-suffocation-deaths-in-the-sleep-environment.
Even in most deaths determined as SIDS, the baby was found to be bed sharing or in an unsafe sleep environment (falling asleep on a sofa with the baby is also a common risk factor). If you’re feeling up to it, read/watch these news reports from incidents in Texas and Illinois (Texas: In 2010, 177 infants died sharing a bed -http://www.click2houston.com/video/27365511/index.html?taf=hou| Illinois: Four babies died while sleeping with their parents -http://www.kfvs12.com/Global/story.asp?S=14273947). There are of course plenty of reliable studies that show bed sharing is hazardous as well–here is just one: http://www.bmj.com/content/339/bmj.b3666.abstract. For a fuller list of the research on the dangers of bed sharing, check out the footnotes in the American Academy of Pediatrics Statement on SIDS http://aappolicy.aappublications.org/cgi/content/full/pediatrics;116/5/1245.
We have no way of knowing which babies at birth are vulnerable to SIDS and we can’t control any aspect of the critical development period (2-4 months of age), but parents to a great extent, can control the stressful environment factor by following safe sleep guidelines. Research suggests that all three elements (unknown vulnerability, critical development period, and stressful environment) combine to induce a SIDS death. The data from the CDC and Child Death Review Boards across the country unequivocally show that 8 out of 10 babies who die in their sleep are in unsafe sleeping environments. Moreover, babies are up to 40 times more likely to die if they sleep in an adult bed or on a sofa with an adult. There are many bed sharing accidents which result in the death of an infant where the parents thought they were “safely” (no alcohol, no drugs and neither smoked) bed sharing. Why take the chance? And to learn more about crib bumpers and infants deaths click here. http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/tribnation/2011/03/the-investigation-that-revealed-untracked-crib-bumber-deaths.html
I let my daughter sleep however she wants, i still havent put her in the crib over night because she sleeps in the bed with the hubby and I and she does just fine that way, i also give her “comfort” things like this lil elephant/mini blankie she cuddles and i will put a blanket on her too sometimes and it helps her sleep longer, of course i constantly check on her on the baby monitor, she hasn’t “expressed” a desire to sleep on her tummy although she fell asleep for a lil cat nap like that on my bed while i was there. I keep a close eye on her usually but by the time i feel comfortable enough to let her sleep in the crib overnight i’ll still give her a pacifer and/or her elephant, whatever makes her feel comfortable (she is four months old)…
We co-sleep and we love it. We are carefull to follow the other reconomdations. It’s my understanding though that once they can get on thier belly by themself then there is little risk of sids.
If you want bumpers purchase mesh bumpers. If your baby gets wedged against them he or she won’t suffocate and they are too in and soft for your baby, to use them as a step to climb out of the crib.
Or use a swaddle strap. We used that thing that cases the baby in a strap…he got out of that.
I started putting my son down for naps (since I was in the room with him for those) on his belly when he was able to move his head from side to side while sleeping (I watched carefully). He had to sleep in his swing for the inclined position or on his side, I wouldn’t let him sleep flat on his back because he had a very bad habit of spitting up in his sleep, and I was scared to death he would aspirate it if flat on his back. To me, that was a more real, everyday fear, then SIDS. Yes it scared me, but when I realized he turned his head if his mouth got covered up I felt safer about tummy sleeping. Every child/baby is different. I agree with other parents who posted: trust your instincts.
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