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I'm Leaving Her

I was a know-it-all growing up. There wasn’t anything that anyone could tell me that I didn’t know already. I used to think that I had life all figured out. That was until I had children.

I don’t think that I ever really lived before having kids. Of course I thought I did growing up (I was a know-it-all, remember) but there is something about the joy that they bring to your life that really awakens you and shows you how to live. Since becoming a mom, I’ve realized that I didn’t know much about anything in life, especially one of the most important things of all; love.

I love my husband. I wouldn’t have married him if I didn’t. But there is something so amazing about the love that a child brings to your life. It fills your mind, body, and soul with an immense amount of passion and joy. It’s a love that makes you feel empty when they aren’t there.

Today is the first day that I will spend without Avery. I’ve been so busy this week, that I’ve been putting off thinking about me having to leave her. But as I write this and know that I will be leaving her for an extended amount of time, it’s really starting to hit me.

I’ve never realized until now how lucky I am to be able to work from home. There are moments when I complain that I have the girls around me all the time and still have to get work done, but in reality, I get to have my cake and eat it too. I get the pleasure of  watching my girls grow up before my eyes. I get to hear the first word, see their first step, and celebrate the milestones with them. All while still being able to work and do what I love.

Today my job takes me out of my home and out into the “real world” for an event that requires me to be there for over 12 hours. That means 12 hours without both of my little girls. Although it’s tough to leave both of them, I am finding it especially hard to leave Avery. Harlan is used to me having to work out of the house on certain days, so it’s no big deal to her. In fact, she really likes it because she gets to go to work with her daddy.

Avery is just two months old and relies on me for everything. We are so deeply and emotionally connected to one another at this stage, that it tears me apart to leave her for such a long time. I know to many, 12 hours seems like no big deal, but it’s a big deal to me when I’ve spent almost every hour of my life for the past two months with this little girl giving her everything she needs.

For the past couple of weeks, I was actually looking forward to getting out of the house for the day and having some time alone, without the kids. But now that the time has come, I’m an emotional wreck and don’t want to leave. I am very fortunate to have my sister coming over to watch Avery all day and know that she will be in good hands, but my heart aches at the thought of leaving her.

As I spend this next day without her, I know that it’s going to be tough. But what is best of all is that I have her to look forward to when I get home. What makes me the happiest of all is that I know that our love will bring us together again.

When was the first time you left your baby? How did it go?

Read more from Lauren at A Mommy in the City. For more updates, follow Lauren on Facebook and Twitter! Check out more of Lauren’s  Babble posts at Being Pregnant and Baby’s First Year.

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