Here’s one thing about mamahood that I’ve yet to conquer: Getting over my own hangups. I am reminded of this all the time. Like when the babysitter sat my oldest daughter in a chair at the table instead of her highchair and she sat there – without falling out or harming herself – and ate her dinner like it was a normal thing.
There are dozens of examples like this – when someone who knows my children less than I do, engages them beyond what I think are their limits and I’m the one left standing there with my mouth open going “Wow. He can do that?!”
So here’s my current hang up – Arlo moving to his own room. Or rather… the room he shares with his sister. I’ve got a list of excuses a mile long as to why he is still in our room and I pretend not to hear when my husband comments “Babe, he’s really outgrown that pram he’s sleeping in” – but I know, deep down, the reason he hasn’t moved to his own room yet is not because he isn’t ready – it’s because I don’t want him to go.
He’s slept next to my bed since the day he was born – and when he moves to his room – that part of our experience will be over. The nights where I can roll over and rest my hand on his chest and feel it slowly rise and fall. His grunty cries that wake me every morning at 4am and the expert way with which I’ve learned to scoop him, put him in bed with me and nurse him without losing more than a minutes sleep.
I know it’s time to let him move on. Time to put him down in the crib we’ve had waiting for him before he was born and let him get acquainted. He’s 5 months old now. The last thing I want to be is one of those helicopter moms who doesn’t encourage their children to develop their own sense of individualism and exploration - but it’s a battle sometimes, deep within me, to let my children move on – I feel so conflicted as I want nothing more for them to grow, flourish, learn, and change while wishing with everything inside me I could just push the pause button and savor every ounce of the way they are right.this.moment.
I’ve promised myself I’m going to get over this hang up with Arlo’s sleeping place soon. And I’m putting this here so that you all can keep me accountable. It’s time to let go of my own desires to keep him within arms reach and let him settle into his new space in a room with his sister.
Starting tomorrow night, he’s going in his own crib. hold me to it before I change my mind!