I’ve always been very open and honest with my struggles about depression and anxiety on my own blog. I’ve never really had to say much about it here (aside from celebrating the lack of postpartum depression, whee!) because my chemical imbalance hasn’t affected me much over the past year. In fact, this past year has been one of the best years I’ve ever had, I’ve had amazing opportunities, I have spectacular little girls, a husband worthy of a thousand gold stars and friends that make my insides smile.
I just also happen to have clinical depression and anxiety. No big deal.
Depression and anxiety in new moms (or moms in general, or humans in general for that matter) is nothing new. We all deal with it in different ways and I’m thankful that I have the platform that I do to put a voice to these often misunderstood emotions. Being a human is hard. Being a parent is hard. Being a parent to a baby is super hard. But I’ve learned that it’s these two babies of mine that have carried me through some of my worst cases of anxiety and depression. I have something to live for. Someone to live for. Someone to get out of bed for.
Having Vivi around is like having this constant reminder of joy and sunshine staring back at me. She can’t boss me around, tell me to snap out of it or tell me to just feel better already. Having her around requires me to follow through on certain basic tasks and offer me a warm little body to snuggle when it all becomes too much.
Babies are hard, but at the same time their needs are pretty basic. Food, sleep, warmth, love, patience.
My needs are pretty much the same when I’m down in the dumps. Food, sleep, warmth, love, patience.
Neither of us need anything extra, fancy or elaborate.
It’s not easy, but it gets easier. To those of you who worry that you’re damaging your baby with your sullen and sad nature? What you feel is only temporary, you can and will get better. Babies are resilient little sweethearts that will love you the whole time your working your way back up.
I know this to be true.
And at this moment I’m having to remind myself of it until I too am back on top.