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Memo to My Muffin Top

Memo
To: My Muffin Top
From: The Management
Re: Tightening Up

The management would like to thank you for your recent exertions during pregnancy. Your ability to be flexible and expand to accommodate a baby was exemplary. The fact that you stretched yourself to capacity  for the second time with minimal stretch marks was nothing short of miraculous and we are deeply appreciative.

However, it has come to our attention that your are not returning to your usual form and we are a bit concerned. Prior to this pregnancy, you were reasonably tight and there was no question as to whether or not we had a waist. Now, three months after the birth of our baby, you are sill puffy and slack. Hanging sloppily over the waistband of jeans is not fashionably correct nor is it comfortable.

We will be needing you to pull back the excess flab or we will be forced to take dramatic action.

***

To: The Management
From; Muffin Top
Re: Your request

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

***

To: Muffin Top
From: The Management
Re: Insubordination

Your response to our request leaves quite a bit to be desired. In fact, it was obnoxious. A little respect for the brains of this operation isn’t too much to ask. Nor is expecting you to conform to something resembling an hourglass shape. You snapped back after our first pregnancy and doing so again would be appreciated.

***

To: The Brainiac
From: Muffin Top
Re: Sands In The Hourglass

May I remind you that your first pregnancy was nearly five years ago? You weren’t a spring chicken then but you were certainly springier than you are now. How old did you turn on your last birthday?

***

To: Muffin Top
From: Your Boss, Dammit
Re: Who’s Chicken?

Listen, if you keep taunting us this way, we will be forced to engage in abdominal exercises that will hurt you far more than they hurt us. Is that really what you want?

***

To: Ab Master
From: Muffin Top
Re: Desire

I don’t want that and neither do you. You want a donut. Just like the ones you had every day during your third trimester.

***

To: Muffin Top
From: Bad (Donut Loving) Cop
Re: Fighting Words

Are you tying to blame a few well-deserved apple fritters for your current condition?

***

To: Dough Body
From: Muffin Top
Re: Apple Fritter of My Eye

If the shoe – or Spanx – fits…

***

To: Fatty
From: Bitch in Chief
Re: Jillian Michaels

That’s it. You’re getting shredded.

 

Read more from Rebekah at Mom-in-a-Million, The DC MomsThe Broad Side
Follow Rebekah on Facebook and Twitter too!

Photo credit: photo stock

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