Mom Bodies: And Other Physical Ailments

When Huck was born I had the usual ailments that you’d expect after a vaginal birth. Soreness, stitches, exhaustion, mad crazy hormones . . . but then there was this odd aching in the center of my shoulders and along my triceps? I couldn’t quite place it. What was all this about?

Slowly, other odd aches and pains began to manifest themselves: A terrible kink at the top of my neck, a creaky left wrist, some clicking sensation happening at my elbows, and a really sore jaw.

It took me a few days of foggily wondering what all was happening until it occurred to me:

Mommy Injuries!

Check it:

Aching in the shoulders and triceps? Curl Up And Push Stress Injury. You know, muscle soreness from lifting yourself up and hunching your back over during your three (THREE) hours of pushing? Oh, you didn’t push for three hours? Apparently I was doing it wrong the first two and a half? Or something?

My sore neck was a classic case of the Cherish Crick. It is caused by looking down at a weird angle to gaze lovingly at your baby while nursing, rocking, and shushing.

Creaky left wrist? Carpal Huck Tunnel. From holding Huck one-handed, of course.

Elbow clicking, that was easy to diagnose. We now refer to it as Nursing Elbow. Like tennis elbow, only radder.

The sore jaw took me a while to figure out, but I’ve recently noticed that I habitually grind my teeth when we begin to nurse. Something about the stress of getting a good latch in those early days got me into this weird pattern that I’m still trying to break. You got it, Latch Jaw.

And Coming Soon To A Body Near Me: Crooked Hip Syndrome. You know, when you always carry your baby on the same hip, and suddenly you’re walking all funny?

What injuries have you sustained in your tenure as parent? Got a good masseuse you could recommend me?

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