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My Baby is 8 Months Old, and I'm Just Now Suffering From Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

By emily |

About three months after giving birth to my third child, I knew something deep within my soul wasn’t “right.” The warning signs were written all over the wall, and it was obvious to almost everybody but myself that I needed help. At the time, my OB prescribed me an antidepressant. I was on that antidepressant until I got pregnant with Paul, where I then decided to go cold turkey off my medication. That was 14 long months ago.

It’s been 14 months without any sort of antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication.

I thought I was in the clear, until a couple months ago. Right around the 6 month postpartum mark, things began to change with me.

Unfortunately, without a shadow of a doubt, I am again suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety. I thought making it past the six month mark with no signs of PPD or PPA meant I was in probably the “clear,” but sadly it’s not the case for me.

Did you know postpartum depression and anxiety can strike at any time during the first year? I didn’t.

It’s difficult for me to admit to my friends and family that something again isn’t right, because at this stage in the game I feel like I should have my act together, so to speak. Paul isn’t a newborn, he’s sleeping through the night, and I’m back to my normal everyday routine. The haze of those first few days and week of caring for a newborn are long behind me.

So why on earth am I so a mess?

Honestly, I have no idea. This isn’t one of those posts that will explain a sickness, and tell you 10 ways to avoid getting it. I don’t know why I feel this way, and it’s completely frustrating to be living life under these circumstances.

Anxiety and depression looks differently on everyone, but here’s what it looks like on me:

Insomnia. I can get to sleep at night around 11pm, but then wake up around 2am and cannot fall back asleep.

Restlessness. It very hard for me to follow through and complete any task during the day. I find myself pacing back and fourth, without purpose.

I physically cannot catch a deep breath, always feeling like I have a brick sitting on my chest.

This past weekend I wrote more about my anxiety on my personal blog, DesignHER momma. And while I often times feel completely isolated and alone, blogging through it and reading comments assures me that other moms feel the same way as I do.

Hi, my name is Emily. I have four kids, one who is 8 months old, and I’m just now suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety. Currently, I’m not the person I want to be, and I’m seeking to get better.

Have you ever suffered from PPD or PPA late into your baby’s first year?

Find more Emily on her blog, twitter, Pinterest, and facebook.

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About emily

emily

emily

Emily Elling is a corporate interior designer and freelance writer. She lives in Indianapolis with her husband and four unintentionally hilarious children. Emily also blogs at her personal blog, DesignHER Momma. Read bio and latest posts → Read emily's latest posts →

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11 thoughts on “My Baby is 8 Months Old, and I'm Just Now Suffering From Postpartum Depression and Anxiety

  1. Heather says:

    I believe it, my baby is 9 months old and I’ve felt this anxiety and depression for the last few months…I thought it stemmed from my husband’s own depression and it may, but I just can’t seem to defunk or not see things in such a stressful light all the time, then in turn the stress becomes depression…and feeling like a failure of a mother.

  2. Lauren says:

    Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well, I’ve totally been there. Just remember, THIS WILL PASS. In the meantime, it’s good to admit you’re not feeling well, and surround yourself with people that will be there to help, support, comfort and listen to you. Mine hit me when I was getting into a routine, feeling out of the newborn stage and had a baby sleeping thru the night….I’m convinced my PPD was brought on by the drop in those good hormones from stopping pumping/breastfeeding. Have you weaned recently? Joanna over at A Cup of Jo wrote an amazing story on her PPD, reading it I really related.http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2012/02/motherhood-depression-and-weaning.html I hope you feel better SOON!!

  3. Emily says:

    I was also going to mention the post that Joanna Goddard wrote on her blog “A Cup of Jo” – I also went through a bit of depression at around the 8 month mark, coincidentally right before I got my first period post-partum. I also moved houses at that time, but I really think my major anxiety and sadness came from my hormones going crazy. I was not weaning my boy at the time, but his nursing was dipping a bit. I think it’s totally normal for women to develop PPD later; so much is still changing with our bodies, minds, and hormones.
    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It was hard for me, but after going on a mild anti-depressant I started feeling much better.

  4. Emily says:

    I was also going to mention the post that Joanna Goddard wrote on her blog “A Cup of Jo”!
    I also went through a bit of depression at around the 8 month mark, coincidentally right before I got my first period post-partum. I also moved houses at that time, but I really think my major anxiety and sadness came from my hormones going crazy. I was not weaning my boy at the time, but his nursing was dipping a bit.
    I think it’s totally normal for women to develop PPD later; so much is still changing with our bodies, minds, and hormones.
    I’m sorry you’re going through this. It was hard for me, but after going on a mild anti-depressant I started feeling much better.

  5. Jen L. says:

    Oh, goodness, I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug right now. It hit me right around the 8 month mark, as well.

  6. Robin | Farewell, Stranger says:

    Yep. Mine didn’t hit right away either. In fact, I’m not even sure when it was, but my guess is around 7 or 8 months. And I didn’t know what it was, so I didn’t get help for a very long time.

    I’m glad you’re recognizing it and getting support. Hang in there – you’re on the path to getting better.

  7. katie says:

    This is pretty timely since I just made the decision to get help for myself today. I cannot spend my every waking hour assessing and reassessing any risk to my baby’s life. I shouldn’t be afraid to walk out onto a balcony or use my oven, and yet, these irrational fears rule my life. Big hugs to you, Emily. You know you’ve got many friends who are happy to help you.

  8. It hit me at 9 months. Hard. Thank you for writing this. xoxo

  9. Kami says:

    I’m right there with you. I experienced PPD/A 5 months after my 2nd was born. I thought I was having a heart attack and saw a Cardiologist. I was having lots of palpitations but his hunch was that anxiety was causing them…went to an Internist who gave me an antidepressant and Ambien and after 5 weeks was back to feeling like myself and off Ambien. I went off the med after a year when my periods returned and was fine again. Fast forward 3 years to now after having my third son who is 4 months old. I exercised, ate right, had my placenta encapsulated, and was tired those first couple of months, but had a great first 3 months overall. He slept through the night at 8 weeks and for a couple of weeks so did I. At 3 months postpartum the insomnia hit again…I recognized right away what that meant and went straight to the Doc but thi…s time she tried a different medication (had sexual side effects on the previous med). After a few weeks on that med they (Internist and Psych) decided that drug was making me too agitated so they switched me. I’ve been on the new med for a couple of weeks and I know it takes a while to kick in but its brutal in the meantime. Ambien CR 12.5 is not working for more than 3-4 hours and I have to take Xanax 3-4 times a day to keep the panic attacks at bay. You are SO not alone even though I know how much it feels like that. If I wouldn’t miss my kids and husband so much (or get fired from my job) I would seriously just go somewhere by myself for a month until the meds kick in! It definitely helps to talk about it with people who understand what we’re going through. Can someone please remind me (maybe a few dozen times) that this will end? Health and happiness to you all.

  10. caseymullins says:

    Love you. You’re so brave.

    xo

  11. Yeni says:

    Mine didn’t hit me until she was 14 months.

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