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My Baby’s New Year’s Resolutions

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I, Baby N, aged 6 months, do solemnly undertake to resolve the following as we begin 2013:

  1. Leave No Shirt Unstained: My parents seem to enjoy laundry very much. Otherwise, why would they do so much of it? I’ll oblige them by spitting up on all their clothes.
  2. Seek New Toys: My brother is about to turn 5 and he has the COOLEST TOYS IN THE WORLD. I an determined  to taste a Lego in 2013.
  3. Defy Physics: Who says poop can’t shoot sideways out of a diaper?
  4. Broaden My Palate: Sand, dirt, leaves, dryer lint, and crayons are all on my must-taste list.
  5. Keep In Touch: I’m going to get that phone from my mom and get a hold of everyone in her address book. I’m sure her boss from the job she had in 2002 wants to talk to me.
  6. Take a Bottle: Just kidding. I just wanted to see if my mom is paying attention. Psych!
  7. Explore Literature: Books raise all kinds of interesting questions like how hard can you pat a bunny and who on earth eats a bowl of mush?
  8. Sparkle and Glow: My brother brings home glitter from pre-school and I’m going to find new ways to adhere it to my body and DAZZLE.
  9. Learn an Instrument: If my fingers won’t cooperate with the fine-motor skill necessary for guitar, I’ll take up kabuki-style screech singing.
  10. Find My Stalker: I don’t know who that baby in the mirror is, but 2013 is the year I get to the bottom of  that mystery.

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