We spent our days relaxing and playing on the sandy beaches of Lake Michigan, just like when I was a little girl back in the 1980′s. Paul dipped his toes in the surf and sand for the first time, and my big kids played until they just couldn’t play anymore.
Nothing and everything has changed. The beaches are mostly the same, it’s me that’s different.
Specifically, my “beach body”.
I think I realized two babies ago that my body would never bounce back into the shape it was before I became a mom.
But honestly, I’m missing my old beach body.
This weekend, as I played on the beach with my four children (and when I wasn’t building a sandcastle, I was nursing Paul from under an umbrella), it hit me like a ton of bricks. I hated the reflection I saw in the sand. I mean, the baby on my hip was adorable, but who was that woman holding him?
In my head, my body looked gross and out of shape.
I know, I know. I’m 33 years old, I just had my 4th child only six months ago. Is this a proper excuse? Are my feelings validated or completely off the wall ridiculous?
I try to make time to exercise. But honestly, it tough when you have four kids and by the time your husband gets home from work it’s 100 degrees outside. And I’m always putting forth the effort to eat healthy, but then again, it’s tough.
I don’t know what the right answer is. I can lie, and tell you that I’ve made complete peace with my body image, and that I’m not going to compare myself to others. BUT THAT’S A HUGE LIE.
And I don’t want to avoid having fun with my family, sitting out from going to the pool or beach, just because I have self-esteem issues with the way I look in my bathing suit.
At the end of the day, I’m going to suck it up, because I know it’s the right thing to do. My family loves me just the way I am.
Gah, silly saggy boobs and dumb stretchmarks. Why do I spend so much time obsessing about you? IT’S NOT WORTH IT.
More Babbling from Emily…