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No Pee Pee Party Here: Why I Won’t Try Elimination Communication

Baby Toilet SignIn a perfect world, no babies would wear diapers. They would suddenly just start sitting their tiny tushies on toilets like the rest of us. Changing tables would be broken down and used as kindling while ecstatic parents smeared diaper cream on their cheeks like warrior face paint and danced around a celebratory bonfire.

According to some, that perfect world is here — kind of. Proponents of what’s called “elimination communication” say they learn by their infant’s cries when he or she is ready to, er, “eliminate” and then promptly hold them over bowls, sinks or — most wonderfully — toilets just before nature calls, as The New York Times reports.

For these parents, it’s an eco-conscious alternative to diapers that may also ease actual potty-training (props to Mayim Bialik!) down the road.

For me, it’s a lovely idea … but also a recipe for a baby swimming in a toilet. To be more specific:

Ingredients:
1 Baby
1 Toilet
1 Sleepy, exhausted mommy

Directions:
1. Take one newly crying baby.
2. Grab baby and run desperately to the bathroom.
3. Hold him over the toilet and pray to the urine gods for luck.
4. Watch helplessly as your tired arms accidentally drop baby into the toilet.
5. Wake up and realize it was just a horrible nightmare. Sniff baby to check for toilet-water stench just in case.

Phew.

To be clear, I’m not advocating that everyone avoid elimination communication. I just know that I won’t be trying it any time soon because I’m no weight-lifting champ, my baby is a bruiser and, though some of his rolls could be called “love handles,” I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t function very well as actual handles.

Of course, if someone ripped like Channing Tatum wanted to come over and do elimination communication with my baby in my stead, I wouldn’t say no. Channing, think of it as good practice for your future little one! Yes, it could be a dirty, dirty job but I know your abs won’t quit so…sorry, where was I?

Oh yes — all the power to the parents brawny enough for EC. My puny biceps salute you.

 

Don’t miss a post! Follow Alice on Twitter and as “Mildly Inappropriate Mommy” on Facebook.

More from Alice:

Don’t Squish the Baby! 10 Adorable Sibling Hugs

Songs for Scrunchy Face: Why Mommy’s Musical Parodies Aren’t So Bad

My Adorable Career-Killer: A Letter to My Second Baby

 

Photo courtesy star-one/stock.xchng.

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