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An Open Letter to Baby Hiccups

Oh, baby hiccups. I’m completely fed up with you! Oh, I know you’ve been around since baby was in my womb. I KNOW. But you know what? You are no longer welcome here. My baby is done having her body rocked by your pointless antics. You seem to go away when I nurse my baby, but soon after she’s asleep PEACEFULLY THANK YOU VERY MUCH, you rear your ugly bouncy head again. And wake her. Again.

I even let her cry a little to get rid of you. Do you know how that makes me feel? It physically hurts. But so do you — I can tell you hurt my baby. She cries she hates you so much.

SO really. Listen. I know of at least two other kids in this house that think you’re funny and would love to have you. They already have your friend Kiddie Toots and they would be ecstatic to have both of you at the same time.

Go on. They are right upstairs. Follow the maniacal screaming and the trail of strewn legos. Buh-bye.


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