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Everyone's A Critic

By Lauren Hartmann |

Haters gonna hate.

Awhile back I blogged about our Montessori approach to sleeping and explained that we’ve decided to use a floor bed in Fern’s nursery. Obviously this is something most parents don’t opt for, so it was bound to receive a few raised eyebrows, but overall most people, even the skeptics have been polite.

That is until my article got posted over at Yahoo Shine the other day.

Last I looked, there were 216 comments on the article. Apparently people had very strong opinions on the issue of the floor bed and they let it be known. I got about 50 comments in, when my husband made me stop reading.

I realized when I shared our unconventional sleep set up that some people would probably think it was weird and maybe a bit “hippy,” but I figured most would think “to each her own.” But apparently parents are quite the judgy bunch when it comes to one another’s parenting choices.

Read more after the jump!

I am such a people pleaser, so I really take it to heart when people don’t like me or are rude concerning something I’ve done, but I’m starting to realize that everyone’s a critic — or in the words of my wise friend Dana “Haters gonna hate.” I know I need to grow a thicker skin, but it’s still disappointing.

Everyone has their own unique view on the world and that plays into the unique way that they parent. Each parent’s style is going to be a little bit different and that’s ok. I’m Fern’s mom and that means I get to figure out what’s best for her and for our family. Live and let live. We parents have enough to worry about in our day-to-day lives without worrying about other parents bullying our child rearing choices.

Come on mamas. We’re better than that. Please don’t judge my parenting choices and I won’t judge yours. Deal?

•Lauren Hartmann is the founder of The Little Things We Do, a blog about life and adventures in Portland Oregon. Follow her on Twitter and Facebook, or catch up on all of her posts here on Babble.

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About Lauren Hartmann

laurenhartmann

Lauren Hartmann

Lauren Hartmann is a wife, wardrobe stylist, and mama living in Portland, Oregon. She writes about her adventures in motherhood on Babble's Baby Channel. You can also find her blogging at The Little Things We Do or obsessively partaking in social media. Read bio and latest posts → Read Lauren's latest posts →

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22 thoughts on “Everyone's A Critic

  1. Anna says:

    It is easy to be crass and rude when you type to a screen with no rebutal or visible emotions. If they could say something to your face, i doubt the response would be the same. I agree with Dana. Don’t waste your energy on these folks. You are Fern’s only mommy and you get to make the decisions.

  2. Kacie says:

    Amen, sister. I don’t judge you. Parenting has it’s challenges and everyone is doing their best. We all want to be the best mamas we can be. xo

  3. Kira says:

    I had a rude comment from someone on my apartment therapy post so I looked back and pretty much all of their other comments on that site were also rude. Some people are just bored with their lives or are just super judgmental, but are afraid to say it to people’s faces. The internet is a perfect place for them to just be the mean jerks that they are.

  4. Lydia says:

    Love that the article is titled “Why MY Baby Sleeps On the Floor”, but you still got comments saying that you were telling people to do this…?
    I’m sorry you had such hateful, rude comments sent to you.
    It must be sad to be so judge-y. : (

  5. yuri says:

    I hear those same comments all the time from my friends and family members regarding our floor bed. And I live in Berkeley CA!! I know it’s hard, but all we can do it’s try or very best for or children. Period. Plus America has adopted the crib lifestyle…it’s very common all over the world for children to sleep on the floor. I say bravo. But,I say bravo to all moms who have an open mind and who do their best for their families. Congrats in being brave enough to post such personal details…I know how hard it is to see the eye roll and hear the comments about the floor bed, I can’t imagine getting rude comments from people who are supposed to be fans!

  6. Koreen says:

    Lauren, if you didn’t already realise, let me give you a tip about parenting in 2012: if you are not doing it my way, you’re doing it wrong. Here’s another tip: you put the information out there which means people have a right to judge you.
    /
    Long story made short: people suck.
    /
    In my opinion, its ok to disagree, healthy even but there really isn’t an excuse for rudeness.

  7. Anna says:

    LOL at Koreen’s parenting tip. Spot on. Lauren, you have a lot of supporters! Just shrug off the rest.

  8. reebsdc says:

    i was really thankful for your post- i hadn’t heard of that before and now we’re going to try it with our 4 month old who still needs to nurse several times a night. it’s a great alternative to cosleeping. so, thanks for taking the blows to get your good ideas out there!

  9. Lynn says:

    I had never heard about that particular option until I read your post, so thanks! We’re still about a year out from trying for our first kiddo but would love to hear more about the practicalities/pros/cons etc. to help us make an informed decision (because it seems like a great idea actually!). When I mentioned your floor bed to a coworker-parent yesterday he thought it was a great idea and mentioned that it would have helped his back tremendously with his two kids. My husband also has bad back problems so I’d love to get more info as we have been wondering how a crib would work for him. And, people are going to be mean because there are a lot of trolls out there and they have no place in your life. Thanks for posting this great idea anyways!

  10. Sara A. says:

    Never read the comments on Shine, Yahoo, Daily Beast, Daily Mail, the Lifestyle Section or Op-eds of any major publication. You do not have enough sanity points. Especially if it’s your piece about your life decisions. Those places don’t have a commitment to safe-placing or MODing out the trolls and thus become troll breeding ground where all the little baby trolls come out to play before going off to poke at Jezebel or something. The comments do not exist do not engage. Do not feed the troll.

  11. k says:

    I’m planning on floor sleeping when my daughter gets a little older.

    Regardless, the only time someone should judge is when there is CHILD ABUSE! If you love your kid and try to do the best for him/her, there is zero reason to judge. Its pretty ridiculous…. and unfortunately, every mom has been judged for some reason or another. (I was told that I was ‘uneducated’ for formula feeding & to my face so yeah, I’m pretty sure that judgy mcjudgersons will do it to your face.)

  12. Krysten says:

    Although I don’t think I would use your method I think you should be able to do whatever you want as long as it doesn’t harm Fern. I hate how judgmental our society is – we judge everyone that doesn’t do things our way. It’s ridiculous.

    Don’t let it get to you. These people obviously have too much time on their hands.

  13. Sue says:

    I read your article and the comments on Shine. Those people really have no idea because they’ve never used a floor bed. Try not to let those comments get to you. My son has had a floor bed (a full size futon mattress) since he was 9 months and crawling! He is 14 months old now. I can nurse him to sleep there and lay with him if he wakes up in the middle of the night. We love it. The main issues I read from those commenters were “roaming” ,”cleanliness” and “rolling”. Here is my experience with those. He has a baby gate at the door and the room is baby proofed, but those are just precautions. He doesn’t even try to roam at 2 am or when he wakes up from his nap. He either cries or starts “talking” and either stays in bed or goes to his doorway. Our bedroom doorways face each other and I’m a light sleeper, so often I already know he’s awake by the time he gets out of bed. I don’t have bugs in my house and if I did maybe I would reconsider having the mattress on the floor. My son only rolled off the mattress twice and he didn’t even wake up! Everyone is a critic, but just do what is right for your family. We love the floor bed!

  14. Alicia says:

    Where do these so called parents get the time to be nasty to real parents? A real parent is forgiving and overall too busy to be an ass to others.

    Floor beds are amazing! I do think everyone should use them. Do I say that? No. I don’t have time to deal with everyone’s fears and emotions about doing things differently than “What to Expect” says to do. Just wait, once it is in Pottery Barn kids everyone will be rushing to spend thousands on their judgmental dollars on it and then brag to their friends about how advanced they are.

    Love to you and Fern from me and my two little floor bedders. Hope to see everyone over at bedstart.

    Ali

  15. Kate says:

    Lynn,
    A blogger I read a lot also does the floor bed with their son, so you might want to check that out as well for more information. Here’s a link to a few of her articles on Montesorri environments
    http://www.feedingthesoil.com/search/label/Montessori%20Environments

    We are doing the floor bed and think it’s great. My husband fought with me for a little while about getting a crib, but he eventually fessed up and told me that he just wanted a crib so that he could turn it in to a turtle refuge once the baby was done with it. I told him I would buy him a cheap garage sale crib he could put turtles in as long as he didn’t want to abuse our child by putting it in a crib

  16. Kieren says:

    I am so sorry about all of the negative comments you have received. The Internet can be such a nasty place sometimes. I am always shocked at things people will post anonymously, because you know that 99% of them would never say the same things to someone’s face. Whether you agree or disagree with the floor bed idea (or anything else for that matter), there is no need to be rude, cruel, or to make crazy generalizations.

    Anyway, I have been using a floor bed since 3 months and my daughter is now almost 9 months. It works so well for us and we each get WAY more sleep than the crib or cosleeping provided. (Yep, we tried both.) I was afraid for her to start crawling, but she still goes to sleep when it’s bedtime. Still, we (and you) are free to reevaluate our parenting decisions at any time. If the floor bed stops working, no big deal, we will get the crib out of the basement and set it up in her room. Just because we are trying something new doesn’t mean that we are married to it or that it will always work. We are all learning and growing.

    All babies are different, all moms are different, so there are obviously a million different situations that are “right” for each family. Live and let live!

  17. echo says:

    You are doing so good! Fern is one beautiful, happy and healthy baby! remember, when the haters hate, that you have real life friends who fully support you! I

  18. Red Stethoscope says:

    Yikes! As a fellow blogger, I hear you on the judgment thing. I hate wasting hours of my life agonizing about what one stupid person said about something I wrote, and yet, I do it all the time. It is the curse of the people pleaser. Hopefully, this will negate one of the hate comments, but I personally LOVE your parenting style and like your writing enough that I follow you on your personal blog AND here. AND, I’m not even married or with child! SEE HOW I ADORE YOU? (That was meant to be enthusiasm, not yelling.) Anyway, your friend is right. Haters gonna hate…you don’t have to read all the comments.

  19. Bree says:

    Most of those people probly don’t even have kids. It seems that most of them have some sort of rodent issue, That is by FAR a bigger concern. I never even thought of this idea, I think it’s great especially the part where you can lay next to her and nurse. People are very judgemental when it comes to parenting, every child is different and untill you are a parent you don’t understand that, sometimes you don’t find that out untill you have more then one. My two boys were completely opposite, my first was really difficult and never wanted to sleep, my second was a very easy baby and likes to sleep at night :) You do what’s best for you and your family end of story :)

  20. Jude Strib says:

    OMG I so so so so so totally agree.

    When I became a mom, I actually became less judgy towards other mothers.

    To me we are all bad a$$ life givers doing our best to raise our babies. And since we are all different, we are going to approach it differently. And since our children are all different people, the outcome will be different.

    So you can imagine my dismay when I learned (during my pregnancy) that so many mother’s use the fact that they are mom’s to be judgmental and think they know best.

    I say, screw them.
    Ignore them.
    They are SO beneath you.
    And while I might not agree with your sleeping choice, it is yours to make and everyone should respect your opinion.

  21. Tarable says:

    Way to shake off the haters, Lauren! I’m also going the floor bed route and have dealt with weird looks, insulting comments and stranger’s judgments. As long as you’re doing what you believe in AND it’s working for you, that’s all that matters.

    I wrote about my journey here: http://talltara.com/why-were-not-using-a-crib/

    Stay strong! And keep smiling!

  22. Noroberto Zida says:

    I am a puny cowerd to me children/offspring. I need my nephew. I am very proud to be Greek.

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