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Parenting Makes you Say the Funniest Things.

It feels like…I’m growing bunny fur…on…my…chest…” Outside telling Cody it was time to go to the hospital until I said hi to my new baby this is really the only thing I remember saying. There’s video of me saying other things and there’s proof I said other things because somehow I registered at the hospital and I know Cody didn’t help because he doesn’t know my social security number and there’s times I’m not even sure he remembers the year I was born.

Parenting has made me say some very strange things. One of the more memorable recent comments to my six year old was “It’s very important to remember where you took off your pants.” Now that I have another little lady in my life I can only imagine the combination of words that will come forth out of my mouth in the coming years.

After a bit of a medical scare Vivi was diagnosed with an immature digestive system, which basically means she not very good at pooping. It doesn’t happen regularly and when it does…well, perhaps you’re familiar with the term “poonami?”

Because I am.

Vivi has to lose a good half pound every time she manages to squeak one out. (Seriously, there’s ACTUAL squeaking involved.) The most memorable “movement” of her life thus far was a 13 days after she was born. She hadn’t had a bowel movement since leaving the hospital and things were getting serious.  X-rays were taken and appointments were made with pediatric gastroenterologists. Vivi’s bowels seemed to understand the gravity of the situation and managed to poop before we ever had to see any specialists.

I called my husband at work and shouted, “SHE POOOOOPED!!” Even Addie understood how important the poop was and praised her little sister for making such an enormous mess. That night at dinner Cody and I looked at each other from across the table and agreed that neither of us had ever prayed so hard in our entire lives, let alone for poop.  Never had we been, nor ever will we be happier about poop in our entire lives. (And that’s saying a lot given pregnancy backs me up like a overturned semi on a one lane highway during rush hour.)

Since becoming a parent my husband has used the word potty in front of the partners of his firm and I have discussed the finer points of nasal suction with the drive thru teller at the bank and we’re only getting started, again.

So tell me, what are some of the more ridiculous things you’ve said since becoming a parent?

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