Rash With a Capital R: In Which I Lose My Faith In Butt PasteMonica Bielanko
Henry has never been sick. He’s also never had a rash.
Damn if the kid didn’t up and acquire the worst rash I’ve ever seen. Usually a little swipe of Butt Paste (a little dab’ll do ya) does the trick but it didn’t even put a dent in this Rash with a capital R.
Violet has had a few rashes in her time but they always cleared right up within hours after a dab of Boudreax’s Butt Paste. But this Rash with a capital R was in no hurry to leave the cozy confines of ol’ Hank’s bum cheeks.
It got so bad I took to letting Hankster lounge around the house in the buff, something his father has been expressly forbidden from doing. Turns out ass Rash with a capital R is the exception to the rule.
When airing the Rash with a capital R didn’t do the job I took to standing in front of the air conditioner holding Hank’s bum aloft.
The Rash with a capital R stood it’s ground. Henry, exhausted with Rash battle finally fell asleep, his little butt saluting the heavens, slathered in cream and topped off with a fine sprinkle of powder, just like a tasty beignet directly from The French Quarter of New Orleans, although I think Henner’s bum is much sweeter:
Finally, I relented and at the recommendation of Mom-in-law, bought boring old Vaseline, smeared it right on the rash and POOF, it was gone by the time Henry awoke from his next nap. As a result, I’ve lost my faith in Boudreaux and his Butt Paste.
What about you? What is your surefire remedy for Rash with a capital R removal?