A funny thing happens when you become a mom. Almost immediately, everything becomes about “them” and not you anymore. Your life revolves around providing a safe and stable environment for your family. You stop putting yourself first, and instead either consciously or subconsciously put yourself dead last in the race.
Or at least that’s what I’ve done to myself.
A few days ago, I wrote about how I’m just now suffering from postpartum depression and anxiety, even though my “newborn” is already 8 months old. I wrote about it, not because I want the whole internet to know my dirty business, but more specifically to provide accountability and support for myself during this difficult time.
Sure, the internet knows, but so does my husband, my extended family, my entire community both online and off. Now that they know, I no longer can deny the truth. I put pen to paper, and my heart is on my sleeve.
Today a very good friend who understands PPD and PPA extremely well (both her parents are psychiatrist, so she grew up in the mental health “business”), asked me what my battle plan was for tackling these demons.
I told her that I’m sick of being the irritable and overly crabby wife and mother, and that I just want to get better for my family. She immediately told me that wasn’t a good enough answer for her.
Her next words will stick with me for a lifetime: She told me I deserve a better life. And that I need to get better for ME, not for THEM, but for MYSELF. That it’s ok to put myself first. I am a human, and I deserves to be healthy, rearguards of my responsibilities.
And you know what? I totally agree. Today, I’m making a phone call and starting the road to mental health. Not for my four kids and for my husband, but instead for me. Because I deserve to be happy and healthy.
More Babbling from Emily…